One Punch Wizard
by MrWriterWriter
Summary: When the Dursleys die in a car crash, Dumbledore is left with a quandary as to where to place the Boy-Who-Lived. That is, until he remembers another relative of Lily's: a cousin in Japan. Rated M just be safe.
1. Chapter 1

**I don't own Harry Potter or One Punch Man. Nuff said.**

 **One Punch Wizard**

 **November 1st, 1981. 4:00 A.M**

 **Privet Drive, Little Whinging, Surrey**

"Let us be off." The white-bearded man said, walking away from the suburban house as he did. Behind him followed an elderly woman and a man who somehow managed to dwarf them both in sheer size. The large man climbed back onto the motorcycle he had arrived on and drove off into the night. Meanwhile, the other two strode off onto the sidewalk, and with a turn on his heel, the other man disappeared with a light 'pop'. The woman turned to give the front door of No.4 last look, namely at the small bundle on the front step, before doing the same, leaving the street empty once again.

Now, a rational person would think something fishy was afoot at this scene. And they'd be right, because on closer inspection, they'd discover the bundle was, in fact, a sleeping baby boy; not much more than a year old.

And so, it's here where we find one Harry James Potter, son to the recently late James and Lily Potter. Dropped off like a package by one Albus Dumbledore.

Thankfully, he was sound asleep during all this.

Emphasis on 'was'. The sound of one Petunia Dursley screaming upon opening her front door later that morning would wake anyone.

"No! No! Absolutely not! I refuse to allow this thing to stay under our roof!" Vernon Dursley growled, pointing to the still-wrapped infant sitting on their coffee table.

"And you think I don't want to get rid of the freak either!?" Petunia responded. "I don't want him anywhere NEAR my Dudley, but look!" she held up a letter that had been pinned to the blanket, "The other freaks are practically ordering us to take him in!"

Without a second thought, Vernon ripped out of her hand and began shredding it, "Sod them! We're good, honest, _normal_ people, Pet! Those freaks have no right to make demands of us!"

"But what can we do? For all we know they might already be watching us to make sure we do what they say!"

Vernon looked around furiously, his bushy moustache twitching. After a moment, and in a surprising eureka moment, his beady eyes lit up. "Quick, get dressed. They might try and watch the house, but they can't follow us all day!"

"You mean…?"

He nodded. "By the time we get home, this freak'll be out of our hair and our lives. And there won't be a damn thing the rest of them will be able to do about it!"

The next several minutes proved to be a bustle of activity inside the house as the pair franticly made themselves and their son presentable before heading out to the car. After getting Dudley into his carseat...and more or less stuffing Harry into the rear passenger floor, the car could be seen pulling out.

"This is not how I'd hoped to start my morning." the police officer muttered to herself as she redirected traffic around the wreckage.

"What the hell happened!?" another asked when he arrived to help keep the area clear

"From what witnesses say, the people inside either weren't paying attention or didn't care and ran a red light. Right into the path of that truck." She nodded to the large flatbed in the middle of the intersection. "The truck driver's in a right state. Can't say I blame him. EMT and paramedics just finished pulling out what's left of the two adults, and the two year old in the back; Vernon, Petunia, and Dudley Dursley."

"Oh, oh hell..." her co-worker sighed.

"Hey! Hey! We got a survivor here!" One of the EMTs yelled, pulling a crying bundle out of the wreckage to cheers and shouts of relief.

"Where was he!?"

"Lucky 'lil sprog was in the back floorboard. The passenger seat had managed to fold back over him on impact and took most of the hit. Lookit him! Aside from the scar on his head, he doesn't have a scratch!"

" _Scar?"_ the officer felt the blood drain from her face when she saw the tuft of black hair and bolt-shaped scar on the baby's head. " _Oh. Bloody. Hell."_ she quickly looked over to her coworker. "Uh, I gotta hit the loo. Keep watch on things for me till I get back"

"Wait, I...could've at least waited till I finished!" he muttered as she ran off into a nearby store, not knowing or hearing as she vanished with a 'pop' the moment no one was around. A few moments later, she reappeared inside a ramshackle-looking old tavern, kicking up a small cloud of dust in the process.

"Morning, Officer Matilda." the bartender called out. "Didn't expect to see you here so early."

"'Fraid I can't stop to chat, Tom." she replied, "Need to use your floo. Kind of an emergency. Can you throw up a privacy ward real quick?"

"Oh, sure." the aged man pulled out a foot-long stick and waved it towards the nearby fireplace. "There ya go. Is something wrong?"

"You have no idea." she half-whispered. Grabbing a handful of powder from a pot on the mantle, she threw it into the fire and called out "Hogwarts!"

In a secluded castle within the Scottish highlands, Albus Dumbledore was in his office, contentedly snacking on a bowl of candy and congratulating himself for a job well done that morning when a concerned voice spoke up from the fireplace.

"Headmaster Dumbledore! Headmaster?"

" _Who'd be calling THIS early in the morning?"_ the old man wondered as he made his way over to the crackling fire. "Miss Crenhammer?" His eyebrows raised slightly in surprise when he recognized the woman's face sticking out from the flame, "Not that I'm unhappy to see you again, but it's rather surprising."

"Sorry, sir, but...I'm afraid we have a situation. We...we just pulled Harry Potter out of a auto wreck."

"Pardon?" Dumbledore blanched a tad, he might have been a little unfamiliar with cars, but 'wreck' was never a good thing to hear.

"There's been an accident in london. The car he was in was hit by a truck. The truck driver's fine, but the Dursleys..."

The blanch grew, "The..the Dursleys?"

She sighed, "Both adults and child...damn shame. Potter's the only survivor from the car. Thankfully he's unhurt, at least. Just figured it best you know."

"Hm? Oh, yes, yes...that's most fortunate. Thank you for informing me. Truly a shame about the others, though." He murmured before bidding her goodbye. the moment her face vanished, he almost fell back onto his ass. "Merlin's gall stones…!" he groaned. This was an unmitigated disaster!

The blood protections the child's mother had invoked would work anywhere, preventing ones like the Dark Lord and his followers from touching him, but without a living relative the protection charms he had added to keep them from actually finding him were useless!

"Gah! Pull yourself together, man!" he chided himself. "You are Albus Percival Brian Wulfric Dumbledore, defeater of Grindelwald, the leader of the Light! You can still recover the situation! There has to be a solution to this." he returned to his chair.

It was safe to say there was no one on James' side that was available due to young Harry being the last Potter remaining. So that left trying to find someone related to Lily. The question was who. Petunia was the only one he knew of.

Suddenly, something clicked. Wait...he recalled that during her time in school, Lily had written to a cousin a couple of times. "A young man living in...where was it…Japan! Of course!" he almost jumped out of his seat with a whoop. "I even remember his name!"

Meanwhile in City Z:

"AH-ACHOO!" a certain bald-headed hero sneezed, "Well, that was weird." He noted in a monotone voice. "Someone talking about me?"

AN: Shout out to Tatsurou-san for helping flesh this story out. If this turns out well, I might be able to get back into the swing of things with some of my other fics (though they may require a rewrite)


	2. Chapter 2

"...You want me to do what?" Saitama demanded as he looked at the robed witch and wizard sitting at the other side of the table while Genos watched over the baby they had brought with them.

"Please, Mr. Saitama." the witch, Minerva McGonagall, replied. "With Petunia dead, you are Harry's closest living relative."

"And as far as we are aware, the only one as well." Dumbledore followed through. "Given what we've heard from a Mr. Silver Fang, you're a reliable individual and more than capable of protecting him."

"But I don't know anything about looking after a kid!" Saitama protested. Sure, Lily was family and they'd sent a couple letters back and forth. But taking care of a baby, even if it was his cousin's son...that was unknown territory for him!

"A trip to the bookstore should rectify that relatively quickly, Sensei." Genos spoke up, wiggling his fingers in front of Harry to keep him somewhat entertained.

Saitama sighed, "So, you want me to look after him til he's eleven, right? Then he goes to this school, Hog-something?"

"Hogwarts School, yes. With you as well." Albus replied, deciding to keep things somewhat vague as not scare the poor boy. "We have reason to believe the...criminal who killed Lily and James might return sometime down the line, possibly with help from those in his employment. And if, or when, he does, that he'll attempt to go after Harry to, as some would say, finish the job. The security measures we have planned require he stay with a relative during the summer."

"Wait, he wants to kill my cousin? An infant!?"

It was then that he quickly wondered if 'poor boy' was an appropriate term, since the moment he mentioned Harry as a target, Saitama's face and voice took on a cold, hard aspect. Dumbledore looked over to see Minerva turning pale at the sight. He even felt HIS blood run a little cold. "Merlin's niblets! How'd this muggle get so scary all of a sudden!?"

Saitama's fists clenched, and a powerful, almost suffocating feeling of oppression threatened to overwhelm them. Minerva's eyes widened and her breath went shallow.

Even Genos gave an uneasy look to the bald man. "S-sensei?"

But to Dumbledore, it felt as if he'd been cornered by a dragon without his wand, and it was deciding whether or not he'd be tasty. He'd never felt such an intense controlled power, not even from the likes of Grindelwald.

When he finally spoke, it was like the world itself flinched away from his voice.

"Not on my watch."

The feeling of danger and oppression vanished as quickly as it came as Saitama's stance and expression turned back to normal. Getting from his seat, he attempted to pick up Harry. "Now, how do I do this?" he asked, his voice back to the normal monotone as he held him.

...Upside down.

"No, Sensei, you need to support the head like this." Genos corrected as he helped Saitama adjust his hands.

While this happened, Minerva gasped as she tried to regain her composure and Dumbledore managed to restart his own breathing, not even realizing he'd stopped as he'd felt the pressure of Saitama's power.

Especially since he knew, at some level, that he had only felt the barest fraction of what the man was capable of. One thing was certain, however: as long as Harry was in Saitama's care, may the heavens help anyone or anything foolish enough to try and harm the boy.

Watching the man's less than stellar attempt to hold a baby, however, Dumbledore wondered if Harry would be safe from his own guardian's incompetence…

Once the pair were gone, the two heroes looked at their new charge. "So, what do we…?" Saitama started to ask before a smell hit his nose.

A foul, cringe-inducing smell.

"Ugh...what's that!?" He muttered, trying to adjust Harry so he'd have a free hand to hold his nose.

"Um, Sensei, I believe I know where it's coming from." Genos replied, his line of sight showing where. "You might want to set him down so we can change him."

"Change him?"

"His diaper."

Saitama gave a deadpan look to the baby before setting him on the table. Harry just giggled in response.

"It's ok, Sensei, luckily we still have the moist towelettes from yesterday's take-out!" Genos called out as he ran to the kitchen. "However, we will have to improvise on a replacement diaper!" The cyborg began to dash around the apartment, examining various items for a suitable stand-in. "Too small! Far too big! This is coming apart!"

Meanwhile, Saitama just sat down watching him with a clamped nose. At least...until Genos came back carrying a red and yellow shirt, the word 'Oppai' visible on the front. "Oh hell no! That's my favorite shirt, Genos!"

Genos gave him a firm look. "It is all we have, Sensei. None of my shirts have sleeves, and it is not like we can just run down to the store...and.." He trailed off as the seemingly goofy man blurred out the door, almost taking it off its hinges. The cyborg blinked as a timer started up in his mind.

Just as the timer hit the ten-second mark, Saitama returned with so many diapers that he couldn't even hold on to them all, much less get through the door. "...these do?"

"How did you get so many so fast, Sensei?" Genos asked in amazement, examining one of the packages. His eyes widened. "They're even the right size!"

"I told them to charge it to you." Saitama explained in his usual blunt style.

"S-Sensei!" Genos complained.

"You were going to use my favorite shirt. Besides, I'm not the one with an Association charge account."

Genos sighed as he opened the pack he had. The man had a point "A worthy expenditure, I suppose…"

Tempest sighed from her spot in front of the flickering computer screen. With no criminals, monsters, or crises requiring her attention at the moment, she bugged, badgered, and bothered the Hero Association employees to give her something she could do.

...and finally ended up assigned to monitoring the Hero charge accounts for any irregularities.

A and S rank heroes were known well enough to let them charge purchases to the Hero Association, building up a sort of 'tab' that could be automatically taken out of their regular paychecks if they so chose.

Unfortunately, it wasn't flawless; since no actual payment was required at the time of purchase, sometimes there'd be somebody who'd try to pass themselves off as one of the heroes in order to use the charge accounts to try and score themselves free stuff.

This meant that somebody had to monitor the charges for any suspicious buying activity...and today, it was Tempest's turn.

She sighed and stretched, once more bored out of her mind. She'd hoped for something exciting, not looking at the massive diaper purchase the new S rank hero had just gotten-

Wait...what?

She leaned forward, examining the charge closer. Since it was Genos' first charge on his account, there wasn't enough evidence to really declare it irregular, but the sheer amount…! "The heck...?"

Curiosity aroused, she checked up on his registered address before floating out of the monitoring room and the building. She just had to see what the deal was for herself. Whatever was going on, it was certainly a hell of a lot more interesting than just sitting around waiting to possibly file a report!

"THIS is where he lives?" It had taken her a couple minutes to finally reach the address.

The idea of an S-rank living in a run-of-the-mill apartment building was definitely not what she'd expected. Especially since there didn't seem to be too many people living there.

It was then that she heard two familiar voices...

"Whoa! What was Lily feeding you, kid!?"

"Sensei, you're putting it on inside out!"

Curiosity prodded even further, she landed on the balcony…

And got an eyeful of a sight that was almost as funny as it was bewildering: both Genos and that Saitama guy were huddled around a table, trying to change the diaper on a baby. And not really doing a good job.

Part of her knew she should be quiet, but he couldn't help herself; the sight in front of her was just so out there. "What are you two doing?" She blurted out, getting the attention of all three males.

"Why is a kid on my balcony?" Saitama asked, though it sounded more like he was just asking himself.

Unfortunately, that question set Tempest's blood boiling. She despised being called a 'kid', she was just short, dammit! Her esper powers kicked on in response, ready to send the bald jackass through the nearest wall.

What happened next, well, put a halt to that particular plan. Harry managed to pick up on her powers flaring up and decided he didn't really like it, making his disagreement heard. A split second later and Genos blinked as the half-pound cube of lexan he used for a paperweight flew straight at Tempest, coming within inches of her face before she caught it in her aura.

Tempest stared at the projectile floating before her. The kid was a...no, that's impossible. He was way too young!

"What the heck are you two nitwits doing with a baby!? Much less one with that kind of ability!?" She demanded, her obvious irritation mixed with amazement.

"He's my cousin Lily's kid from England." Saitama replied, his voice belying zero emotion, "Last member of that side of the family. The criminal that killed Lily and her husband is after him as well for some reason, so I'm looking after him.

"And doing a lousy job of it." Tempest snorted, not even bothering to hide the disdain, "And what, pray tell, are you going to do if they manage to find him here? Punch him really hard!?" With a sneer, she sent the paperweight flying towards the baby. Part of her knew it was a seriously dick move, even though she'd stop it before it hit, but she was determined to show this C-rank joke just how ineffective he'd be…

When her hair finally settled from the wind of the passing block, she blinked and turned to try and see where the paperweight had went.

The vanishing pinprick in the sky was her answer, well out of range of her powers. And already at escape velocity, judging by the notch it had put in the roof of the opposite building.

She didn't see-she didn't even feel-him move! He was just...just THERE! Between it and the baby, his fist still extended.

"Yes." She heard him growl, the cold tone sending a shiver down Tempest's spine. It took all she had not to gulp at the look on his face.

A look that quickly vanished as Saitama turned back to the baby. "How the heck do we put this thing on?" he muttered, once again fighting with the diaper.

As she watched him return to the task, she slowly allowed herself to relax a bit. For the first time in years, before she'd even joined the Hero Association herself, Tempest gulped. "This...this can't be real!" She mentally yelled at herself, "I'm the S-Class' second rank hero, there's no way I should be feeling like this! I'm actually intimidated...by this guy of all things!"

She quickly blinked, doing what she could to fight the blush that was threatening to light up her cheeks as well as squeezing her thighs together. "That was actually kinda hot, too…"


	3. Chapter 3

**Six Years Later:**

"38...39...40...um, Uncle Saitama?" Harry paused in the middle of his sit-ups.

"Yeah?"

"Why am I doing all this training again?"

"Because someone out there wants to kill you, and it's my job to make sure that doesn't happen."

"But why do they wanna kill me?"

"No idea." Saitama shrugged.

"Unfortunately, Harry, some criminals and monsters require no reason in order to perform actions like that." Genos offered, hoping that would satisfy the seven year old for the moment.

Especially since he had no clue either; they didn't even know the person's name, come to think of it…

Thankfully, Harry simply shrugged and resumed the exercises; at least, until a familiar voice spoke up from the balcony.

"Harry, what are you doing?" Tempest asked.

"Dunno when that criminal's gonna make a try, so we're training him so he'll be ready. It's the same routine I did to get stronger." Saitama responded, glancing slightly her way before looking back at Harry. It had taken a discussion or two with Mumen Rider, and Fubuki assuring him that Tempest was her 'big' sister (not counting a couple of Saitama-shaped holes courtesy of said big sister), but he had finally accepted that she was older than she looked.

Once he'd gotten used to her just coming in from the balcony, at least.

"The same training...?" While she thought the notion was silly, Tempest couldn't help but wonder exactly what it entailed. Ever since he demonstrated what his punch was capable of, she'd taken to following him to try and see just how strong he was, and possibly the source of it as well.

She wasn't disappointed, for lack of a better explanation. Especially after seeing Saitama's self-proclaimed 'rival', a ninja by the redundant name of 'Speed-o'-Sound Sonic' try to draw him into a fight by attacking buildings and people in the area.

Luckily no one was seriously injured...except for Sonic after the police pried him up out of the hole he'd made from Saitama cracking him on the head (Something she found hilarious, though she'd be damned if she let anyone else find out)

However, through all the monsters and criminals, she never could really figure out where he'd gotten this power from...until now at least. If he was using the same methods to teach Harry, then this'd be her chance.

Well, that and she'd gotten a little accustomed to hanging around the bald hero...in an aquaintance sort of way, mind you! Just because she got a little excited at the rare times he let his more serious side out, that had nothing to do with it! He was still a C-Class goof!

"Yeah. It's only been a few months, but he's gotten into it pretty good so far."

"97...98...99...100!" Harry let out a quick exhale when he finished the round, "So, what next?"

"Running; so better hurry and get into your jogging gear." As Harry got to his feet, he added, "Get dressed quick enough and we can stop by that yakitori sta-" he barely got the two words out before the raven-haired boy was literally diving through the doorway to go change, "-and you like."

"Ready!" Harry called out fifteen seconds later, dressed in the dark green jogging sweats they had gotten him when the training started.

 **An Hour and a half, and Four Kilometers Later**

Tempest gawked at the receipt from the stand as she floated beside the jogging trio...well, Harry was jogging. Saitama and Genos were doing more of a brisk walk, keeping pace with him. "This can't be right! Harry's the only one who ordered anything! I mean, the stuff's tasty, but there's no way a seven year old can put away THAT much yakitori!"

"Actually, he went relatively easy on it this time." Genos replied. "Usually it's twice that."

The esper nearly fell out of the air when she heard that word. "He _what_?"

"Well, he is a growing boy. And the training burns a fair amount of calories."

Saitama gave her a knowing look. "Now you know why I bargin hunt for _everything._ "

"Gomen…" Harry murmured around his forty-eighth stick, having gotten a handful for the road. "It's just so good…"

If he was going to say anything else, though, it was interrupted somewhat rudely.

Well, rude in the sense of the smashed front end of a sedan bouncing past and missing Harry by about three inches.

His yakitori, however, wasn't so lucky.

Harry stared at the hand his chicken skewers had been held in less than ten seconds ago. A blank look on his face that quickly turned to irate...or as best a seven year old could do. "OI! I was eating that!" He turned where the car chunk had come from, determined to verbally flog the responsible party. "Who's the ba...ka…" He quickly trailed off when he saw said party.

What stood there, less than twenty feet away, was something that could be best referred to as 'unnerving as hell'. Standing noticeably taller than regular people, it resembled a spindly, skeletal-thin horror dressed in disturbingly tight black pants and a black and white shirt. The ceramic mask it used for a face was featureless outside of the two empty circles that passed as its eyes. The whole abomination was capped with a small white bowler hat, a plastic daisy tucked into the band.

All four watched as it seemed to grip the handle to an invisible object and 'pretend' to heft it up, raising it over its head. The somewhat comical way it tried to stay upright was nullified by the hollow screech it let out before bringing the thing down onto the remains of a car.

A sudden crunch of metal and the car's roof visibly caved in, almost getting cleaving in two. That left little doubt that whatever that thing lifted, it was very solid and very, very real.

"That what I think it is?" Saitama cocked his head to the side as he watched the monster swing at a second car, hacking the door off

Genos frowned, "Ugh..I have never liked them...Sensei, let me deal with it."

Those last five words were evidently loud enough for the thing to hear them because it chose that moment to look their way. Soon as it did, the two pits it had for eyes shrank to pinpricks and it let out another screech. This one sounding more like a warcry before making a charge towards the group, its invisible weapon hoisted over its head.

It covered about a third of that distance before it noticed something. It was a sunny day...so why did it have shade all of a sudden?

The answer came about one-point-five seconds later in the form of another car's undercarriage...with the rest of the car attached.

It was hard to tell what was louder; the crunchy 'fwap' of flesh and bone getting swatted by a few hundred pounds of Beamer, or the massive thud of the resulting combo colliding with the nearby brick wall, embedding itself slightly.

Either way, once the dust and debris settled, the pain-filled whimper from under the vehicle, coupled with a slightly spasming leg that struck out near one of the back wheels, showed it was still alive...kinda.

Tempest stared, slack-jawed at the sight. "Was that… that was a telekinetic…" She turned to Harry. "H-Harry, did you just...?"

"WHAT THE FREAK WAS THAT!?" Harry flailed his arms a bit, like he was trying to shake something unpleasant off him. "Uhh-huh-huh! That thing was CREEPY!" He yelped, looking at her in hopes of an explanation

However, it was the fading green glow in his eyes that had her attention.

Saitama nodded and put a reassuring hand on the boy's shoulder as he watched Genos head over to the still semi-alive monster and pry enough of the car loose to finish it off with an incineration blast. "Yeah. Mimes usually are."

A few minutes later, after things had settled down and clean up crews were called out, Tempest had managed to calm down as well from her discovery. The proof was unmistakeable; Harry was an esper like her; and considering how he hurled that car pretty much subconsciously, a strong one.

And coupled with the training he was getting from Saitama, possibly even stronger before it was over.

Needless to say, she'd made her decision.

"My yakitori…" The disheartened voice of Harry grabbed the attention of the trio. He was currently looking at the car section that had robbed him of his snack, his expression matching his voice.

Part of her wanted to tell him it was just chicken, but she couldn't bring herself to. "Hey, Harry. How 'bout I treat you to some more?"

He quickly perked up at that, "Really?!"

"On the next lap of the district." Saitama threw in, jerking a thumb towards the road they had been heading down.

"Aww." Harry pouted before resuming the jog


	4. Chapter 4

**Micro-Flashback**

" _I know what I saw, Saitama. If I'm right, and all this training has the effect on Harry's powers I think it will, then he could possibly become one of the strongest espers around." Tempest said, crossing her arms. "And most likely one of the most dangerous if he doesn't learn to control it. I mean, imagine what he could do to a building, or a civilian, on accident! So, someone's gotta teach him."_

 _Saitama stared at her for what felt like several seconds. "Ok."_

 **Flashback End**

" _Guess I shouldn't be too surprised at how quickly he went along with it."_ Tempest told herself as she landed on the balcony, a bag in her hand. " _It is Saitama after all."_

"58...59...60...oh, hey Aunt Tempest." Harry spoke up from where he was doing push-ups. Given how often she'd drop in at the apartment, he'd taken to referring to her in pretty much a similar way to Genos and Saitama, even though Saitama was technically really his older cousin.

Tempest quickly fought the urge to giggle at the term. "Hi, Harry. So, are you ready?"

"65...66...I guess...68...so I really am one of those epsom guys? 72...73…"

"Esper, Harry, and given what you did to that mime thing last week, definitely."

"Well, luckily lunch will be ready in a few minutes, so you can start after then." Genos spoke up from the kitchen.

* * *

" _Today's the day!"_ Fubuki thought to herself as the door to Saitama's apartment got closer with each step. " _Come hell or high water, that man is joining my crew!"_

Without a moment's hesitation, she knocked on the door with all the determination she could muster.

A moment later, a muffled 'I'll get it' brought a grin to the B-Class esper's lips. She quickly moved to smooth out the form-fitting dress she had on and struck an alluring pose when the knob turned.

"Yeah?" the voice spoke up through the opening.

"Hello, Sai..ta..ma…." Her voice trailed off when she saw just who had answered. Neither her target nor Genos; it was a boy. A seven-to-nine year old, judging by his height. He looked at her with a rather deadpan expression

She immediately noticed the emerald green eyes staring up at her, albeit with a somewhat deadpan expression, and the somewhat shaggy mop of black hair.

"Who is it, Harry?" that was Saitama's voice, without a doubt.

"Some lady in a dress." he called back over his shoulder.

Fubuki's mind promptly went into 'emergency' mode. This was the right place, so why the heck was a kid here? Near as she was aware, he didn't have a niece or nephew, and he didn't seem like the type to do babysitting. So, that left…

Her eyes widened; no...no, that couldn't be the reason. It just didn't seem feasible!

"Fubuki, what're you doing?" the voice of her older sister temporarily brought her back. She looked to see Tempest standing by the boy.

"You know her?" he asked.

"Harry, this is Fubuki. My little sister."

"'Little'?"

"You know what I mean!" came the retort.

"So, this mean I gotta call her 'Aunt'...?"

Now, had she been paying a bit more attention, she would have heard the word 'too' as well. However, hearing herself referred to in THAT way caused an interesting reaction.

" _A-aunt!? He just said I'd be his aunt? That would mean...Tempest...Saitama…! But...she hates...a-and he…!"_

"Um, I think she's starting hyperventilate."

"Fubuki?" Tempest's eyes widened slightly when she saw her sister's roll back into her head.

"How...how did she...hide it…?" Fubuki mumbled before meeting the floor with an impressive 'THUD'

"Fubuki! What the hell?"

Harry looked at her for a moment. "Uncle Saitama? There's an unconscious lady in a dress at the door now."

* * *

"Oi, Fubuki! Wake up!" Tempest muttered, flicking her sister's nose.

"Nng..uguumfh…" Came the muffled response. Fubuki tried to squeeze her eyes closed even more, but on failing that she relented, blinking a few times to bring things back to focus. "Mmm?" She gave her surroundings a cursory glance.

"Are you all right?" Genos asked, looking over her from the back of the couch she was laying on. Saitama was beside him.

"About time. What got into you?" Tempest demanded, a hand balled up on her hip. Harry was nearby, munching on a temaki roll.

It was then that she remembered. "TEMPEST!" She bellowed, sitting upright with absurd speed and jabbing a finger at the older esper, "I should ask YOU the same thing! But I think we both know the answer to that!"

"Wha? What are you talking-?"

"Don't you try and act innocent with me!" the finger shot towards Harry. "Why didn't you tell me before!? When were you even going to tell me about this!? ME! Your own sister!?"

"I-what, what?" For one of the few times in her life, Tempest was rather confused

"And for that matter, how the heck were you able to keep the Hero Association from noticing those eight months!?"

"Eight months?" Genos cocked an eyebrow briefly before both eyes widened and he immediately clamped a hand over his mouth with a wheeze.

"You ok, Genos" Saitama asked, noticing the cyborg's shoulders shaking a little.

It took a few seconds before Tempest reacted.

Though, not quite in the same way. "Wha-wha!?" she yelped, her cheeks reddening. "Us-him-me-?"

"If you were worried about the others giving you grief, I've seen you squish kaiju from two city blocks away." Fubuki had, by now, moved to a sitting position on the couch. "I sincerely doubt they would have said anything. And we both know the Association's policy on stuff like this, it's not like you'd have lost any pay!"

By now Tempest was reduced to sputtering. "Buh-I-huh-"

Genos was making odd noises and stomping a foot.

Saitama...was being Saitama.

"But the worst is the fact that you never even let me know! Was all the effort really necessary!? Hell, I could've at least thrown you a shower!"

"A sho-huwah?"

Meanwhile, Harry was looking at them with a mix of mild exasperation and confusion. He looked at Saitama in the hope of some form of answer.

The man saw him and simply shrugged.

He sighed. "Adults are so weird. I'm going to go finish eating." with that, he turned and headed back to the kitchen.

"And one more thing, _dear_ sister!" Fubuki snarled...before suddenly touching her index fingers together, her own cheeks flushing as she shot a glance at Saitama. "How...how was he…?"

"You...I...fu...gah!"

"The first time I mean. They say it gets better later on"

The room was met with silence.

Apart from Genos' wheezing laughter from the floor, at least.


	5. Chapter 5

"Come on, Tempest, I'm dying here!" Fubuki weedled. "You have any idea the dry spell I've had!? If anything this'll at least help my imagination."

By now, Tempest was reduced to incoherent squeaks and sputters, and Genos was performing impressive facial contortions as he wobbled from side to side on the floor.

"Tempest, what's she going on about?" Saitama asked.

"Uh-uh-uh, Sai-ta-ma." Fubuki pointed at him, grinning cutely, "You'll get your turn as soon as my sister fesses up."

It was at this moment that Harry returned, "Aunt Tempest." he spoke up around his fifth temaki. "Why's your sister yelling so much? I can hear her from the kitchen."

"This is for adults, sweetie." Fubuki smiled, hoping she didn't look condescending. "Maybe you...sh…Waitasec." she trailed off. "W-what'd you say? ' _Aunt'_?"

"Yeah, She's been helping Uncle Saitama and Uncle Genos look after me since I was a baby. And she's gonna start helping me train today, too."

Fubuki paled. " _U-Uncle Saitama_?" she squeaked out, shakily turning to see a fuming Tempest.

"You...you thought he was…and that me and Saitama...FUUUBUUUKIIII!"

"But...but…!" She tried to get out, only to let out a quiet 'eek!' as she watched Tempest descend on her.

"BWAHAHA! Oh,I'm so glad I don't have normal lungs!" Genos managed to gasp out before letting loose with riotous laughter.

"Harry?" Saitama finally spoke up over the sounds of laughing cyborg and esper trying to throttle her sibling. "Any temaki left?"

"You...you dingbat!" Tempest growled, getting her hands around Fubuki's neck as best she could. "Hold on." She looked at Saitama when she heard him. "How come you're not getting angry at her?"

"Why?" He asked, showing he wasn't fully paying attention. "Was she mad you didn't ask her to come along when you decided to help train Harry? If she wants to help, I don't see a problem. Long as she doesn't try talking him into becoming a member of her gang, at least."

Both women just stared. "Y-you don't know?" Tempest could only watch with a poleaxed expression as he walked off to the kitchen. No, there was no way. It wasn't physically possible for someone to be that oblivious! Could there?

"So, you two…" Fubuki instantly brightened, "If you aren't, then, that means…" she squealed in delight. "YES!"

Of course, this was enough to bring her sister's ire back to her. Tempest almost growled. "Not. So. Fast. Fubuki! If you think you'll-"

"You may be a stronger esper than me, Tempest, but in this situation?" Fubuki scoffed and ran a hand down her curvaceous body. "I'm MUCH better armed. Besides, I doubt you're even his type."

"Not his...?" Tempest hissed "Not his type?! You smug, top-heavy little…! I've known him a HELL of a lot longer!"

Harry watched the two women for a moment before nudging Genos. "Uncle Genos, what are they going on about?"

"Something that'll be infinitely more entertaining when you're a few years older, Harry." the cyborg managed to get out once he was able to get off the floor.

* * *

 **Two and A Half Years Later**

Harry sighed from his spot in the room; he'd be turning Ten in a few days but that was somewhere near numbers five or eight of the thing currently on his mind.

Three years. Give or take a couple of months, it'd been three years since he'd started the training Saitama had started him on.

"Not that I'm ungrateful." he commented, mostly to himself "I mean, I've noticed it's had an effect in the last year or so, but…" he leaned against the wall of the emergency shelter, moving his ponytail to keep from getting it caught. One of the more visible changes that had been brought on was the accelerated hair growth. It was almost to his knees by his eighth birthday.

Fubuki was damn near adamant she get to style it.

Uncle Saitama spent the day crying in the bathroom.

"Didn't expect a social life would be the price."

A nearby civilian scoffed. "Social life? You're a kid!"

Harry turned just enough to give him the Hairy Eyeball. "The park, arcade, comic shop….take your pick." by now he was starting to pick up steam, his voice getting louder. "Either it'd be too late to do much of anything by the time I was done or I was too sore, tired and aching to really wanna try for anything."

 **THUD! THUD! GRRRINCHH!**

Suddenly the air was filled with the sounds of metal being pounded and torn apart when several sharp claws punched through the shelter doors before carving a hole into it.

" _ **Shishishishi…"**_ Came the raspy giggle of the invader as it climbed through the new entrance. For lack of a better term, it resembled a crocodile that had gotten into a mess of performance enhancing drugs. Standing upright, the skin looked stretched and torn over visible muscle and bone. Its limbs were little more than stumps with the claws tipping them. The claws themselves rivaled its teeth in both sharpness and how filthy they looked. " _ **I love opening meal packages!"**_ It cackled, insanity evident in its bloodshot eyes. Eyes that glinted happily when it saw the children " _ **This one even has appetizers! I can't wait-uh..wh-why am I floating?"**_ It asked when it realized it wasn't on the floor anymore.

But a good three feet in the air, encased in a jade green glow

"And to top it all off. What little free time I get tends to be sucked up by having to stay in these shelters!" Harry snapped, already on his feet and both eyes glowing vividly. "No thanks to idiots." He drew a fist back. "Like. _YOU!"_

" _ **Uh, w-would saying I'm sorry heeeeelllp!"**_ the monster shrieked as it felt itself get yanked towards the boy at high speed.

At the last moment, right before monster and boy would make contact, the energy field dropped and Harry's fist lashed out. The resulting impact sent the beast flying into, then through the opposite wall, skidding along the drenched ground - it was always raining around the shelters when they were in use, for some reason - for several yards. Harry then slowly walked up to the opening in the wall, his head tilted in thought.

"Actually...it kinda does," he admitted. "Thanks."

 _ **"You're...welcome?"**_ the monster offered in a worried tone as it attempted to realign its head.

"That, or it could just be that I get to vent while punching you," Harry concluded, cracking his knuckles. "I think we need to test that."

As the monster was once again gripped in the jade glow, it let out a terrified whimper. " _ **Mommy…!"**_ was all it could really say before being yanked back into the shelter.


	6. Chapter 6

"Silver Fang!" Mumen Rider called out, skidding to a stop on his bicycle. "I take it you're hunting for that monster as well?"

The aged martial artist nodded. "Indeed. It's already eaten a dozen people from what I've gathered. I just hope we find it before it finds any more civilians."

"I had a bead on it a short while ago, but it's smarter than it looks." Mumen muttered. "Bastard managed to slip off a few blocks away."

"Can't be too far then. The question is where."

Silver Fang got his answer in the form of a large boom. "Huh? That sounded like it was just a couple streets away."

"That's where the district's shelter is at!" Mumen turned his bike towards it. "We need to hurry!" with that, both heros took off to see what happened. "The shelter door!" he yelled, seeing the large hole torn in the metal.

"It doesn't look like it's alone either!" Fang pointed to the second hole, though his arm slumped a little when he saw what was trying to claw its way out.

"That's…" Mumen started, head tilting a little when the monster saw them.

" _ **HELP! DON'T LET HIM GET MEEEEE…!"**_ It shrieked as it was yanked back in, followed by another boom and a large crack appearing in the nearby section of wall.

The two looked at each other briefly, before running over to the hole.

The sight that greeted them was...well, 'unexpected' would be like calling fire warm.

"S-Silver Fang?"

"Yes?"

"A little boy is beating it up."

"I see it."

"Shouldn't we go help?"

Fang promptly caught what appeared to be a large tooth. "Which one?"

"I'm not even sure how to act if I got around anyone my age!" Harry ranted, smashing the monster back into the wall by its tail. "I mean, what am I supposed to say?" A heave sent it bouncing off one the ceiling reinforcement girders. "'Hi, I'm Harry and you're the first kid I've ever talked to'?" He snapped a kick out, knocking it into a nearby pillar.

The duo stared at Harry's rampage for a while, taking it all in. "How could such power...be in someone so small…?" Silver Fang murmured softly as the monster hit another wall and got snatched back by the glow. "And so young?"

"I've never even been on a school bus, for crying out loud!" Harry yelled, landing a supplex

" _ **I can't feel my head anymore!"**_

"D-did you know Saitama had a kid?" Mumen Rider asked curiously.

"Wa-what? Saitama?" Silver Fang demanded, flinching back comically in shock.

"You know anybody _else_ who can punch that hard, or rant like that?" Mumen asked, gesturing to the boy. "According to him, he had black hair as well before losing it."

Silver Fang blinked a couple of times, turning back to the pummeling. "But Saitama doesn't have esper abilities-wait!" His eyes promptly bugged out shock. "Is...is _that_ why they're always fighting?" He looked up like he'd just had a realization."But if that's the case… then why are her breasts still so tiny?"

"Huh?" Mumen asked in confusion, although part of him was throwing up warnings.

"I mean, if _anything_ would make that girl resemble her hot sister a bit more, it would be-"

"Truely a _fascinating_ conversation." A familiar voice observed coldly from behind the pair, sending a chill down the martial artist's spine. "And pray tell, whose 'hot sister' might you be talking about?"

With a badly hidden 'gulp', he turned around to see an irate-looking Tempest and annoyed Fubuki.

Behind her Genos was looking intently at Mumen Rider, and trying to motion discreetly as he could that the hero should quickly get out of the imminent danger area.

"No, do continue." Tempest hissed, already floating a few bricks around her.

Luckily for him, Harry's voice rang out, getting the attention of all the heros. "Is it that unreasonable!?" He brought a fist up into the monster's jaw, visibly breaking it loose."Just one day!" Another punch lifted it into the air one more time. "To just relax!" He drew back as it began its descent. "And actually be a KID!?"

There was an audible squish as the final punch proved to be the finishing blow when the head and a quarter of the monster's upper body was reduced to a meaty slurry.

"Yuck!" Harry grimaced, trying to shake the viscera off his hand. " _Now I know why Uncle Saitama wears gloves when he's doing this!"_

"HARRY!" Fubuki yelled, almost bowling the others over as she ran to him, almost using her own powers to pull him into an engulfing hug. "Are you alright, Honey!? That mean thing didn't hurt you, did it!?"

"I'm fine…." Harry started saying, though the rest was muffled from his face being wedged in her chest.

Saitama sighed, looking at the damage "Wish my fights lasted that long…" He turned his attention to the civilians currently pressed up against the back wall. "Everyone still alive?"

Mumen Rider, on the other hand, was watching Fubuki fawning over the boy. " _That's odd"_ He thought to himself. " _I've never seen her act like this be...fore…"_ He rapidly looked between her and Saitama. "Wait...what if...? Silver Fang!"

"Lucky squirt...Huh?" The old man looked up, distracted from his bout of envying the boy's predicament.

"See how Fubuki's acting?" he replied. "I think you might have been looking at the wrong sister."

"The wrong...oh...oh!" Silver's eyes widened and a somewhat lecherous smile appeared on his face. "Oh-HO! That makes MUCH more sense! Saitama, you sly dog!" he laughed heartedly. "I didn't know you had it in you!

"Um, had what?" Saitama asked, wondering what the old man was going on about.

"Come on now, you can tell me." He chuckled. "Did she get to lead things or were you in charge the whole time? Ooh, did you take turns!?" the chuckling turned a bit more perverted. "I'm betting you both learned some interesting thing, eh?"

"What are you…?" Saitama asked, before a look of realization crossed his face. "Oh, that. Well, it was kinda boring, mostly. Nothing I hadn't really done before, and I had to get pretty strict with Tempest and Fubuki…"

"F-Fubuki….AND Tempest!?" Mumen's jaw dropped.

'"Yeah, they kept wanting to use their psychic stuff to make it easy. It was a long time before they got accustomed to the roughness I was used to."

"Rough?" Fang's eyes gradually widened.

"Had to teach the both of them at the same time just to get any progress. At least Genos was able to lend a hand there."

"Genos?'

"Yeah, he'd handle one while I dealt with the other."

Fang's eyes widen to almost comical proportions. "He-he'd..?"

Saitama shrugged. "Why not? Doubt they have been able to handle Harry otherwise."

"Harry...?"

"I must admit, it was something of a challenge at first." the cybernetic blonde commented, "Tempest and her sister can be quite stubborn at times."

"Oi! We weren't that bad!" The woman puffed her cheeks out indignantly, her ire at Fang forgotten for the moment.

"Actually it was several weeks before either you or Fubuki were able to last thirty minutes with Harry.

"Hoooooo..." Fang hyperventilated slightly.

"I remember that." Harry called out after overhearing them. "You both were walking funny for a while after the first time you tried to keep up with me. And the second."

"I was sore!" Tempest protested. "Had muscles I didn't even know existed aching…"

By now Mumen's face was bright red from hearing all this...then he head Tempest's response. "Sore muscles...h-hang on; you mean...?" Unfortunately, he was interrupted by an impressive gout of blood courtesy of the elderly man's nostrils. "Gah! Silver Fang!"

"Uncle Saitama?" Harry called out, watching the old man fall over. "Is he all right? That can't be good for a guy his age.

"U-Uncle?" Mumen looked over at him.

"Actually, Harry is Sensei's first cousin once removed. He just sees it easier to call him that." Genos answered.

"Uncle? But..but...what you were talking about a moment ago..."

"Yes, the training. They had to break the habit of using their esper powers while exercising, mostly by trying to fly when they were supposed to be jogging. What did you...think…?" He quickly looked at Fubuki (still hugging Harry), then Tempest, and finally Silver Fang and his silly grin. "You..you thought…?" he snickered. "You thought Sensei...and them…?"

"Well, all the evidence was pointing that way." Mumen replied. He was seriously starting to think they'd been WAY off. "He..he hits and rants like…" He glowered when Genos burst out laughing.

"Aunt Fubuki, can I get up? Need to wash my hand; it's starting to dry.."

"Wash your...EEEEWWWW!" Fubuki shrieked when she saw.


	7. Chapter 7

"Oi, old man." Saitama nudged him. "Harry's kinda energetic right now; any chance you can keep an eye on him until we get back? I still gotta find a bad guy or another monster to deal with for my weekly quota."

"Huh?" Fang blinked a few times as he came out of his hentai-induced daze. "Where...oh!" He perked up, remembering what happened. "You kinky little…"

"It's his cousin's son, Fang." Mumen spoke up, his tone telling everyone he felt very silly at the moment.

"Who?"

"That boy. His name's Harry, and Saitama is his mother's cousin from England."

"Cousin…? But Saitama...and Fubuki...and Tempest!"

"They were assisting me and Sensei with Harry's training..." Genos answered.

* * *

 **Cue Flashback**

"We have to what?" Fubuki stared at Saitama.

"If you want to help Harry train, then that means you'll have to get into all of it; push-ups, chin-ups, the run. Everything." He responded. "Not just the esper stuff."

"Shouldn't be that hard." Tempest spoke up, thinking the two of them could just hover along during some of it.

"And NO using it when you're not teaching him. No flying, levitating, or hovering!" Saitama added, looking them both in the eye. The uncharastically stern tone surprising them both…

And forcing the two to fight down a heavy blush when he turned away.

"Fine..." They responded in unison.

They both arrived the next day, each of them carrying a paper bag. Labels on them indicated they were from the local sporting goods store. For some reason, Tempest was a mix of looking sullen and embarrassed. Fubuki, on the other hand, seemed rather pleased with herself.

"You two ready for your first day?" Saitama asked. "Remember, no abilities outside of teaching Harry.

"I know, I know." Tempest muttered. "Let's get this over with." With that, she headed into the bathroom to change.

"You'll have to forgive my sister. It took her a while to find something she thought would work."

"Oh?" Saitama asked, a bit of curiosity in his voice. "What'd you manage to find?"

Smirking, Fubuki bent over and took hold of the hem of her dress. At this point, a more perceptive individual would probably swear they started hearing an erotic saxophone solo from somewhere as she began to slowly, sensually peel it off.

A few moments later, she made a cute sigh as the dress was pulled up over her head to reveal the tight fitting white sports shirt and dark blue bloomers she was wearing underneath it. "I decided to get something to match." she purred seductively. "To help her feel better about wearing them, of course."

While she sounded like she was looking out for her sister the look in her eyes said she was enjoying showing off how the outfit clung and looked almost painted on her figure in comparison.

The bathroom door opened with a bang as Tempest stormed out of the bathroom angrily. She had on a matching outfit that looked far more modest on her, and the glare she was giving her sister indicated she had heard and wasn't fooled for a damn minute.

Saitama stared at Tempest momentarily. "You keep saying you're an adult." he noted in his usual blunt style.

The look she gave him would have taken the paint off a fence. "Die." she snarled, her power gathering around.

Before anyone else could react, Saitama was right in front of Tempest; just before flicking her in the forehead.

Thoroughly unprepared for the disciplinary gesture, the esper squeaked in alarm, her hand shooting up to cover the spot he hit.

"No powers during workout." He repeated flatly, tapping her nose with the same finger.

As she rubbed the flicked area (and praying he didn't notice the creeping blush), Harry came in from his room wearing his own workout clothes.

Seeing Tempest and Fubuki in their outfits caused him to stop dead. He looked at the two, "You forgot the pants."

* * *

 **Flashback End**

"Yeah, I remember that. There were a lot of bad drivers out that day, too." Harry added, cleaning his hands off with a few sanitary napkins from the shelter supplies before a weird giggle caught his attention.

"You ok, old man?" Saitama asked, seeing Fang's glazed expression.

"Fubuki...Bloomers...heheh..." He giggled.

Mumen, on the other hand, was clutching his nose and making a pointed effort to look anywhere other than Fubuki.

Tempest looked at them both suspiciously. A few seconds later the suspicion turn to realization…

Then a vein started throbbing on her forehead. "KNOCK IT OFF, YOU JACKASSES!" She roared, bouncing a rock off both their heads, "That's my little sister you're perving on!"

Mumen rubbed the impact point with his free hand while he tried point frantically at Fang with his elbow. "He started it!"

"I don't care!"

Mumen made to protest but a flare of her aura stopped him cold. "Still his fault…" he muttered.

"Again, don't care."

"But...but...bloomers…" Fang pleaded, though it came out as more of a whine before Mumen moved to get him to shut up.

"Are you _trying_ to get Tempest pissed off!?" he whispered. "Look, if you want to see Fubuki in shorts THAT badly, then offer to help the kid. She seems to be close to him, and it's apparent she has a thing for Saitama, even though he's oblivious as hell about it. Maybe you can offer to give her a hand as well to boost her chances."

As soon as he said it, Mumen found himself wondering if he really should have made that suggestion. Because Fang was slowly turning his head towards him.

With a wide, slightly creepy, and quite pervy grin on his face. "THAT'S BRILLIANT!"

He REALLY wondered.


	8. Chapter 8

**A Year Later**

 **"Any soy sauce left?" Harry asked, giving the table a look over.**

It had taken Silver Fang a little while to figure out a good way to make the training offer to Saitama-and Fubuki when the others weren't looking-but the bald fighter took to it in his standard way.

"Ok."

After seeing what Harry had done to the monster that day-and about half a dozen others-the adults had agreed that Saitama's training regiment was complete. Of course, he still kept up Tempest and Fubuki to hone and fine tune his control.

Harry responded to the offer in similar fashion. Especially after Fang (or Bang as he insisted they call him now) made it clear it would be mostly every other day, and to help him refine his fighting style. Along with the occasional spar.

One early morning spar had just been finished, and the group was currently enjoying a breakfast of onigiri, fruit, seaweed crackers, and some slices of leftover tonkatsu at the man's dojo.

"Speaking of something being left." Genos looked at him, "Any word on your ban?"

"Ban? What ban!?" Tempest demanded.

"From Little League." Harry replied. "Tried joining a team a few months ago, remember? Turns out my aim isn't the greatest. That, and the batters all threatened to riot if I was ever seen on the field again."

"I thought you were doing soccer." Saitama spoke up.

"Tried that next. Kept kicking the ball a little too high. On the plus side, though, they aren't making me pay for that helicopter."

"Um, why exactly are you going out for all these sports anyway?" Bang asked, curious.

"It was more about hopefully getting him some more friends around his own age." Tempest replied.

"More?" Bang asked in surprise, wincing a little when he saw Harry hang his head and sigh; the universal gesture for 'was that really necessary?'

"He'd never really hung out around other kids." Tempest explained as delicately as she could. "So, at first I sort of...convinced Child Emperor to take a little time away from Cram School to hang out with Harry."

"How'd that go?" Bang asked enthusiastically, hoping to make amends for his faux pas.

"Kinda took us a few minutes to find anything to really talk about." He responded.

* * *

 **Flashback**

"Anything yet?" Child Emperor asked from his spot on the bench both boys were currently slouched.

"Nope." Harry replied. The two had been there for a good twenty minutes trying to think of something to talk about or do. Unfortunately, the nearest game room was closed for renovations that day and neither were currently interested in the park.

The two boys let out a bored sigh in unison.

 ***guurgllrrr***

Then they gave each other a look.

"Food?"

"I can work with that. Where to?"

"There's a bookstore a couple blocks that's got a decent barbeque joint connected to it."

"Let's go."

The two got up. As they did, though, a dingy white van pulled up in front of them. Somehow, a weird burnt hair aroma followed it.

The side door open a few seconds later revealing a scrawny, rat-looking guy with a scraggly bush of grey hair on his head. When he spoke up, his voice sounded like he'd been gargling with chili oil. "Hey boys, I'm giving out free candy." He held up a clear freezer bag filled with various suckers, jawbreakers, and other hard candy. "Want some?"

Harry blinked, then jerked a thumb at him. "Is...is this guy for real?"

"Looks to be the case." Emperor replied, giving the man a look of mild contempt. "I'm not sure what's sadder; the fact he's pulling this in one of the most cliche vehicles possible, or that he actually seems to think we're going to fall for it."

The man's eyes tightened the moment Emperor said that and he promptly did something that a more sensible person would call 'batshit stupid'.

Tossing the bag behind him, he abruptly lunged forward, grabbing both of them by their shirt collars and immediately yanking them inside.

As soon as they were in, the door slammed shut behind them. Of course, THAT was promptly followed by the man screaming. "Wait, what are you-YEEEAAAAAIIIEEEE!"

Anyone in earshot stopped dead when they heard it. A few even shuddered slightly. After that, things were quiet before the door was reopened.

"That was kind of fun." Emperor commented as he climbed out, Harry right beside him and carrying the bag of candy. "You know, it's amazing what the human nasal cavity can accommodate."

"Yeah. Once we got the big toe got in, the rest just followed." Harry looked at the back of the van where muffled sobbing could be heard. "So, do we go ahead and drag him to the nearest police station? Or just call and let them pick him up?"

After a moment of contemplation, they went ahead and got a nearby individual to let the local law enforcement know about the guy before going back to their original plan. The candy proved to tide them over till they got to the barbeque joint.

Along the way, gave the sucker he'd selected an odd look. "These things taste kinda like chloroform to you? Or at least what I've heard it's supposed to taste like?"

Child Emperor looked at him. "You noticed that too? Glad it's not just me."

"Well, I don't eat candy too often, but at least I know it's not my tastebuds now." Harry shrugged and popped it back in his mouth. The supposed knockout drug wouldn't be much of a match for their enhanced metabolisms.

* * *

 **Flashback End**

"Thankfully the ribs we got took away the mediciney aftertaste."

"Explains why your breath smelt funny that day." Saitama responded after Harry finished.

"Well, that's one way for youngsters to find common ground." Bang commented. He remembered hearing about the culprit in question. The police were torn between sympathy pain and laughing themselves sick at the state he was in. He moved to ask something else when he noticed a small box of some sort in Harry's pocket. "What's that?"

"Huh?" Harry looked to where Bang was staring. "Oh, it's just my glasses case." He quickly added when he saw Bang start to point out something. "They're just for for reading."

"A few months back Genos noticed Harry was having to squint a little while reading books. When the lighting turned out to not be why, we had to take him to the eye doctor." Saitama added.

"It's kind of embarrassing, but it turns out I've developed a case of farsightedness." Harry took the case out and opened it to show a pair of simple wireframe glasses. "As long as I don't try to read anything closer than a couple of feet, I'm all right."

"Too bad they don't help with your attempts at playing games." Saitama quipped, chuckling a bit at the death glare Harry shot him.

"At least it was only a couple of losses; better than the thirty times King beat you in that game!" Harry shot back. "In a _row_ I might add!"

Saitama hung his head. "Low blow, Harry. Low blow."

"You ran into King?" Bang asked. "Dare I ask what happened?"

"We were on our way back from the eye doctor…"

* * *

 **Flashback No.2**

"This is gonna take some getting used to." Harry muttered, repeatedly looking at a brochure he'd snagged from the display area with the glasses on and off.

"Better that than waiting till it got worse down the line." Tempest responded.

"I guess." he said. "Just hope it's soon."

They were just rounding a corner while this was going on and barely noticed the large built man heading towards them until he spoke up. "Saitama, there you are!"

"Huh? Oh, hey King." Saitama said, giving a quick wave. "What are you doing out here?"

"Well, normally I don't bother with rumors, but I heard a couple that struck me as unexpected and I figured it'd be best to ask you straight." It was then that he noticed Harry. "So, you're Saitama's kid, huh?"

"Nephew. Technically we're cousins, but the uncle/nephew thing is less of a hassle." Harry replied.

"Cousin?" King looked at all three, confusion starting to show on his face. "But Silverfang…"

"What about him?" Tempest narrowed her eyes.

"From what he kept going on about, I took it to mean you and him...had a kid to...gether…" He gulped when her expression darkened.

"And how exactly..." she hissed, "did you come to _that_ conclusion?" If you listened closely, you could hear her growl something about 'that damn rumor' under her breath.

"W-well...like when he mentioned how you-you'd blush when Saitama flicked you." He quickly threw his hands up in a placating gesture. "B-but I didn't ask where!"

"What?"

"That...and how...how mad you got when your sister would wear s-skimpy clothes around him…"

"SILVERFANG!" She roared, her aura cracking the pavement under her. "I'M GONNA KILL YOU!"

King shrieked and jumped back as far as he could from the epicenter of rage.

"Aunt Tempest?" Harry's voice cut through the haze of fury and she turned. "Ack!"

Just in time to feel the boy's finger flick whack her between the eyes, startling her enough to drop the aura.

"H-Harry!" She rubbed the spot out of habit.

"Works for Uncle Saitama when he wants you to behave." He responded in the blunt fashion he'd picked up from the bald hero.

Saitama shrugged. "Pretty much"

"Sh-should I mention….?" King started when he managed to get his voice back, only to get her glare again.

"NO!"

* * *

 **Flashback End**

"Shut up, Genos!" Tempest snapped at the snickering blonde. "It's not funny!"

"Yes it is." He managed to sputter out.

"You…" She turned to Harry. "Harry, you agree with me, right? It's not…" she noticed he wasn't really paying attention. In fact, he didn't look like he heard half the conversation, instead he was looking over at nearby window. "Harry?"

"Hey, Gramps?" He spoke up, addressing Bang. "That your owl at the window? Didn't think they were normally awake this time of day."

At this, the whole table looked over. On the sill sat a dark brown owl, tapping at the glass with its beak.

"Think it wants in." he added.


	9. Chapter 9

"Huh." Bang gave the feathered visitor a look. "Looks like a big eagle owl." He shook his head. "Not mine, though."

Harry shrugged. "In that case; Uncle Genos, didn't you say money would be a little tight this month?"

Genos glanced at him then the owl before nodding. "Understood." he stood up, shoulder jets igniting. "Proceeding with capture."

"Uh, guys?" Saitama said, drowned out slightly by the following engine howl.

"Hoot!?" The owl flapped its wings in shock at the sight of the metal-plated human rising into the air.

"Capture?" Tempest looked at the sight in an attempt to make sense of what she just heard

"I heard owl's pretty good if you cook it right." Harry answered her. "How's rotisserie sound tonight?"

"Guys." Saitana repeated as Genos shot off towards the now terrified bird of prey. "I think there's something tied to its leg."

Hearing this, Genos fired his palm cannons to stop his momentum and gave the owl a stare that made it squawk. "Affirmative. There appears to be a letter or message tied to it." the jets fired up again. "Attempting live capture."

"Who the heck would send a letter by owl of all things?" Tempest asked, ignoring the terrified scream of the poor creature as it suddenly found itself face-to-beak with the cyborg. "For that matter; _why_?"

"Sqawk!"

 ***Smack! Whap!***

A few moments-and several lost feathers-later, Genos climbed back into the dojo carrying a now catatonic owl. "Sorry about the window, Bang. I forgot they open in."

Bang just waved it off. "It's ok. This place is meant to take a beating. Besides, I never really liked where it was, anyway. So who's the letter for?"

"The address is strangely specific" Genos replied, looking puzzled at the letter. "Harry James Potter, Silverfang's dojo, Z-City, Japan."

"So that's what my/your full name is." Harry and Saitama said in unison.

Ignoring them, Tempest focused on the letter. "Who sent it?"

"There is no return address." Genos replied, looking it over. "Should we open it?"

He was answered by Tempest promptly levitating it up near the ceiling before opening it. A minute and a half later, with the letter not exploding, firing out a projectile, or turning into yet another bizarre monster, she relaxed and floated it over to Harry. "Oh, like none of you have ever gotten mail with a freaky booby trap in it." She responded to the stares.

Taking the floating note, Harry looked over the message inside, which included a second sheet with a list of items on it. "'Dear Mr. Potter. We are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry'."

"'Hogwarts'?" Bang blurted out, trying to fight off a laugh. "Who'd name a school _that_?"

"This's got to be a prank letter." Fubuki spoke up from her meal. "Witches and wizards? Seriously?"

"Seems like a lot of effort for a prank, Aunt Fubuki." Harry replied before continuing. "'Please find an enclosed list of all required starting books and equipment. Term begins on Sept.1st. We await your owl by no later than 31 July'." he cocked an eye at the signature on the bottom. "Minerva McGonagall? Uncle Saitama, isn't that the name of the lady who came with the old guy who brought me here?"

Saitama scratched his head. "Now that you mention it, yeah. What was the guy's name again? Doubledoor? Bubblemoor? Wait, Huddlescore!"

"Dumbledore, Sensei." Genos corrected him.

"Right. Him. He said something about how your mom and dad had paid the tuition for the full seven years…"

"Ok, wait a minute, hold on!" Tempest held a hand up to stop him. "Seven years?"

"Yep. It's a private school somewhere in The British Isles. The old guy said he'd be staying there during the school year."

"Let me get this straight: this guy wants Harry to go to this Hogwarts-and I agree with Bang about the name-that's located in Britain, over five _thousand_ miles away."

"And that he'll have to stay there." Fubuki finished for her.

"Well, not during the summer at least. That and Christmas" Saitama added, looking over Harry's shoulder at the list.

"Which means the only time he'd be home would be three months at best…" Tempest confirmed, she and Fubuki both going dead quiet.

For five seconds before erupting. "ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR DAMN MIND!?" They bellowed, managing to blow Harry's braid back."

"No, why?"

Tempest flailed her arms, sputtering incoherently for a moment. "W-what _possible_ reason could there be to agree with _any_ of this? And I mean a RATIONAL reason!"

"Given the energy readings I was able to collect from Dumbledore and this McGonagall woman, it is reasonable to assume that the 'magic' they teach there is related to Esper abilities in a way." Genos spoke up. "I've asked Dr. Kuseno to run multiple comparisons and, with the exception of minor fluctuations, they operate on very similar frequencies."

"Meaning this 'wizard' school is probably Harry's only real chance at making friends his own age without worrying about accidentally breaking them?" Fubuki asked, defeat hinted at in her voice.

"Sounds about right." Bang threw his two cents in. "Harry can get a tad destructive when he's on a roll. No offense." he looked at the boy in question

Harry just shrugged. "Actually, I was planning to apply for the Hero association when I finally turned eleven." he answered.

"Oh yeah. I think Bang suggested that after your last monster kill." Saitama said.

"But, to be honest, it _would_ be nice to have more of a social life with others my age. I get along with Child Emperor well enough, but he's worried about cram school right now.

Tempest sighed. "All right, all right. I can see where this is going. BUT! I'm coming with you; me and this Dumble guy are gonna have words if this turns out to be a scam like I think it could be."

"You mean 'with US.' Tempest." Fubuki jerked a thumb to herself. "I'm coming along as well."

Saitama and Harry looked at them both. "Ok."

"Do either of them ever put up resistance?" Bang asked Genos, watching the sisters hug Harry in their 'victory'.

"Mostly when they can't agree on kind of junkfood to get." Genos swiped the last few crackers while everyone was distracted.

"We await your owl…" Harry looked at the letter, then the owl. "I guess they want us to send a reply back with you?"

Still slightly shellshocked, the owl could nod a little and let out a tiny hoot.

"Anyone got a pen?"

* * *

 **Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry**

Dumbledore gave a quick look at the teachers currently assembled in his office. It had become something of a tradition over the years for them to gather there a month or so before the students returned to go over plans and any overlooked details.

"So, I take it preparations are going smoothly?" he asked, giving them his usual serene look. He never really knew why, but he always found these meetings relaxing.

"For now." Filius Flitwick spoke up from his seat. "Excluding the thought of a certain duo returning, of course."

This brought a few chuckles and a sympathetic groan or two.

"Speaking of which." McGonagall replied, taking a folded note out of her pocket. "I received Mr. Potter's response not too long ago."

"Really now?" Dumbledore brightened a little and the other teachers turned their attention to her.

Well, except for one who just scowled from his corner.

'Yes. However…" it was obvious she was trying to keep a bemused expression off her face. "Best if I let you read it yourself." she handed it over to him.

He quickly flipped it open, intrigued by what it could say that would have his deputy acting like this.

' _Mrs. McGonagall._

 _First, I guess I better say sorry for almost eating your owl'_

"Eating the owl?" Dumbledore looked up with a bizarre expression on his face.

"Never understood why anyone would bother." Pomona Sprout commented. "Barely any meat on them."

"They aren't too bad if you do a soup or stew to stretch it out." Flitwick replied

Dumbledore blinked a few times before trying to shake the idea from his head and

resuming.

" _I was kind of planning on applying for the Hero Association when I got your letter..._

"What in the world is a 'Hero Association'?" Bathsheda Babbling asked.

"I'm not sure. Then again, he has been living in Japan since that day; and they can be a tad eccentric. Possibly a club of sorts."

The whole room promptly stared at the chartreuse and indigo robes-with little bouncing pumpkins-he was wearing.

"Ugh, it's something the brat made up to boost his already swollen ego if you ask me." Snape commented snidely.

"Well no one did, Snape!" She, Septima Vector, and Aurora Sinistra snapped back at him. It was no secret that all three women detested the Slytherin Head of House.

"Ladies, please." Dumbledore spoke up, hoping to head off the impending scuffle. "And that goes for you as well, Severus." he added, ignoring the man's petulant scowl

' _But Uncle Genos said this 'magic' stuff you and that Dumbledore guy_ ("First time I was ever called THAT" he chuckled) _was kinda like the energy espers use._

"Esper...could swear I heard that term one time before." Flitwick scratched his chin. "Though it may have just been a muggle comic one of the students had."

' _And Aunt Fubuki brought up that I'd probably have a better chance there at making friends that were, well, 'less breakable' for lack of a better term."_

"Should we be worried at that?" Vector asked.

"Oh, I'm sure it's not as bad as it sounds. Boys his age do tend to be rather rambunctious." Dumbledore replied, a noticeably forced jovial tone in his voice, "Young Harry must've just been a little overenthusiastic in his roughhousing."

' _Anyway, you said you wanted a reply before the end of July, so here it is. It'll take us a couple of days to get things packed and find someone to look after the apartment, but we'll be heading to London Monday. Can you meet us at the airport?_

 _Signed, Harry."_

"Well, this is certainly one of the more...unconventional replies we've gotten, but I believe the main message is clear; Harry Potter will be attending Hogwarts."

"Wonderful." Snape spoke up again, the sarcasm oozing from his tone. "We get yet another arrogant Potter strutting around as if he owns the school." he started to sneer defiantly at the other teachers as they glared at him; at least until his gaze settled on Dumbledore.

"Severus." his sneer faltered somewhat at the less than genial look in the headmaster's eyes. "Might I speak with you alone for a moment? Now?"

Though the tone was conversational, there was no mistake this wasn't a simple request.

"We'll be back shortly, everyone." He added, heading to the side room of his office, potions professor in tow.

The moment they entered and the door closed, Dumbledore's wand was out in a flash, casting a surprisingly strong locking spell on it along with several privacy charms. When he was finished, he turned to face the other man.

"Tell me, Severus." he asked, straightening his beard out a bit. "What exactly do you plan to do with this 'arrogant Potter' as you so eloquently put it.?"

"What else?" came the somewhat arrogant reply, a return of confidence allowing another sneer. "Since it's apparent I'm the only one not afraid of bruising the brat's inflated ego, something I am going to happily deflate; I intend to make sure Potter's spawn learns his place,"

"No you bloody well will not!" Dumbledore suddenly snapped, glaring at the man.

Snape blinked. It had been years since he ever saw the old wizard react with more than a mild chide, much less towards himself. "E-excuse me…?"

"You heard me, Severus Snape. While Harry Potter is in this school, you WILL keep a civil tongue in your head and be no less than neutral to the boy. Is that understood?"

"You can't be serious!" Snape snapped, furious at being denied what he thought was his right.

"Yes I am! Severous, are you aware of Lily's cousin in Japan?"

"The muggle you took the brat to? So?"

Dumbledore mentally sighed at the dismissive reply. "A 'muggle' that was capable of terrifying me and Minerva, Severus. When I informed him of the one who killed his parents was intent on doing to the same to the boy, he changed." he snapped his fingers. "Like that. What was a possibly simple young man became a being more fearsome than anything I had ever faced before. The sheer presence he exuded at that moment was literally suffocating! Voldemort, Grindelwald, neither of them came even close to what I faced in that brief moment. "

"That...that's impossible!" Disbelief was evident on Snape's face

"Far from it. Before we made our return home, I made a few inquiries concerning Mr. Saitama. Would you like to know what I learned?"

"What?"

"We're all familiar with dangerous creatures like lethifolds, quintapeds, and nundus; but I've learned there are monsters out there far worse. _Far_ more. Muggles tend to refer to to them collectively as 'kaiju'. Some of them more than capable of wiping Hogwarts off the face of the earth." he looked Snape dead in the eyes. "Saitama faces monsters like that on a regular basis, and kills them."

"'K-killing monsters'?" Snape allowed himself to scoff. "You can't possibly believe that twaddle!"

"I know what I saw, Snape!" Dumbledore snapped, the use of the teacher's last name showing he was getting tired of his defiant attitude. "I even managed to find what they called a 'video recording' of one such creature; a hulking beast, large enough to even dwarf Hagrid. It was as intelligent as a human and strong enough to quite possibly defeat a dragon. He killed it with one single punch."

"O-one…?" The expression on Snape's face showed he was having severe trouble believe what he'd just been told. Or he simply refused to.

"I don't know what form of training he endured to gain that kind of power, but if he passed it on to Harry, Hogwarts will not survive his fury if provoked."

"You..you're actually _afraid_ of the boy!?" Snape glared at him. "I can't believe this!"

"I AM CONCERNED FOR THE SAFETY OF THE SCHOOL AND ITS INHABITANTS, SEVERUS TOBIAS SNAPE!" The headmaster bellowed, his voice and magic forcing Snape to step back some. "And I refuse to put either at risk over a man hellbent on punishing a child he's never even met for a childish grudge against his father, a man ten years dead!" He put a finger in the man's face. "Now you listen, and you listen well, Professor _._ By your oath, you will show a measure of civility towards Harry Potter. When you look his way, you will see nothing more than another student. Is that understood?"

"To a potter!?"

"Is. That. Understood?" He asked again, his magic flaring again

Snape bit back an acidic reply, "Understood, _Sir._ " he hissed out, trying to make the honorfic insulting. Inside, however, he was seething. He visibly twitched as the compulsion began to take hold, despite his attempts to try and resist. How dare he. How DARE this old coot tell him he wasn't allowed to punish the brat like he deserved! To keep him from what he was owed! Of course, now that he thought about it, Dumbledore said _he_ wasn't allowed to go directly against Potter...

"And Severus." Dumbledore continued as he starting removing the charms. "Should you attempt to circumnavigate my orders by way of other faculty or students, especially ones Harry manages to befriend, you had best hope that I'm the first to find out. For _your_ sake."


	10. Chapter 10

["What the hell are you doing!?"] the warehouse employee demanded when he saw his coworker sitting on a palette chugging a bottle, the smell of alcohol rolling off him. ["The boss'll have your hide if he catches you drinking on the job!"]

["I've been working all day! I deserve a little break!"] came the slightly inebriated response. ["Besides, I ain't had that mu*]

The rest was cut off by a yellow-colored object smashing into the road a few yards away. Both men barely had a chance to blink before it rocketed back up into the sky, further shattering the asphalt in the process.

The pair looked at the impact side for what seemed like forever before one finally spoke. ["Scoot over."]

* * *

"Still don't see why you're so adamant against taking a plane, Tempest!" Fubuki muttered as she flew alongside her sister and Genos.

"Because they're cramped, they smell sometimes, the food is lousy, the movies suck, and the people you sit by can be annoying, disgusting, or both!" Tempest yelled back.

"Any idea how much longer?" She asked, looking down at the terrain shooting by a few hundred feet below them.

"I calculate another thirty-five hundred miles before we reach the English Channel." Genos answered her. "So, possibly an hour and a half to two, provided we all maintain our current speed...and we don't lose Sensei." He added, noticing the man reach altitude with them at the arc of his jump.

"Speaking of which...you doing ok back there, Harry?" Tempest asked, glancing behind at the boy. She'd decided that the trip would be good practice for his esper flight. For as long as he could hold up on his own, at least.

"I'm good." He replied, keeping surprising pace with them. "Say, how'd you guys get the Hero Association to agree to all this?"

" I simply told them I would be taking some vacation time." Genos replied. "Luckily, Bang and Mumen Rider agreed to look after the apartment in our absence."

"I did the same." Tempest added. "And that I'd be bringing 'Caped Baldy' with me in case I got bored."

"But that's what _**I**_ told them!" Fubuki blurted out. "I even showed the receipt for my new bikini!"

"What bikini?" Tempest asked. Her eyes widened when she saw Fubuki's smirk. "Wait...that little blue...Fubuki, you said that's a handkerchief!"

"If it helps, I got you one too."

"That's beside the point! You...you…I..." She faltered for a moment. "Better be in green…" She muttered, cheeks pinking somewhat.

"Uncle Genos?" Harry asked, eying the two sisters with a hint of concern. "Any idea what they're going on about this time?"

"Uh…" if he still had his original esophagus, Genos probably would have gulped slightly at this point.

* * *

 **Heathrow Airport**

McGonagall glanced around uneasily at the large crowd of people milling about the open air terminal, adjusting the shawl she had on to stave off the breeze wafting in. While she was somewhat familiar with certain aspects of non-magical London, her travel companion didn't have the same luxury.

That and his considerable size.

"Any idea which one of these metal contraptions Harry'll be coming in on, Professor?" Rubeus Hagrid asked as he stood by the edge nearest the tarmac, trying to look out around some of the parked planes . "Still don't see how muggles get those things in the air with no magic."

"I don't know, Hagrid" she replied. "The letter didn't specify." her voice dropped to a stern whisper when she saw a few people look at him strangely, though it might've just been them wondering how the man could wear that heavy coat with the summer sun beating down on everyone. "And need I remind you to watch what you say!? You're drawing attention!"

"Sorry, Professor." he had the grace to look sheepish. "Kind of anxious. Been over ten years since I've seen the little tyke. All I can say is those foreigners better've treated him right…"

"What's that?"

"It's moving pretty fast."

"And right this way!"

Whatever else Hagrid was going to say was drowned out by the alarmed chatter of people at the sight of a green glow up in the sky. From the direction it was taking, it looked to hit the open area near the runway.

Several gathered around the pair to watch with shocked amazement while others deciding hightailing it out was the better idea.

Hagrid and McGonagall were among the former. Both watched, mouths agape, as the object seemed to separate slightly into four before rapidly deccelerating less than fifty feet above the ground.

"P-Professor...are you…?"

"Yes; yes, Hagrid." McGonagall replied, not really trusting her voice at the sight.

The chatter and shouts dropped to murmuring of confusion and shock as the objects came to a gentle landing on the tarmac, revealing exactly what they were.

"Bloody hell!"

"They..they're people!"

"This is some comic book shite, man!"

McGonagall looked at the quartet, wondering just who they were when her eyebrows raised up comically at the unmistakable metal arms of Genos. " _Why do I suddenly feel as if I should have stayed in bed today?"_ She asked herself.

With him was a dark-haired woman wearing a-as far as McGonagall was concerned-scandalously tight black dress. There was also a smaller female, who at first glance, looked to be a young girl with alarmingly green hair and wearing an equally scandalous dress.

It was an act of immense control for McGonagall to force down the urge to march over and deliver a serious upbraiding for it. It could be a common article of clothing there for all she knew.

Thankfully for all those involved, that thought took a backseat when she saw the fourth member; a dark-haired boy wearing some type of uniform.

"Um, are...are those them, Professor?" Hagrid asked once he managed to get his jaw off the ground.

"Somewhat, Hagrid. The blonde one is Mr. Genos, though I am unaware as to who the woman and girl are. But it's safe to assume that the young man is Mr. Potter."

" _That's_ Harry?" Hagrid asked in surprise. "Well…he _kinda_ looks like his father." he looked around. "So, where's this Saitama fella at?"

 ***THUD!***

He was promptly answered by a fifth individual landing in a three-point fashion nearby, though with considerably more force. Enough to produce a spiderweb crack, actually.

McGonagall found herself tilting her head a little at the bright yellow jumpsuit the newest individual was wearing. It tilted a bit more when the gleam from his noggin hit her. "That would be him, I believe."

They watched as Saitama crouched for a few seconds before standing, a big grin on his face. "Heh, I always wanted to do that!"

"Hey, let me try that!" Harry piped up, rocketing back into the air before anyone could react.

"Boys…" The green-haired 'girl' muttered as she took a few steps back, just time for Harry to slam back down with the same three-point style…

And put even more cracks in the ground.

McGonagall stared at the sight for seemingly forever before slowly turning to Hagrid. "YOU get to tell Dumbledore about this."


	11. Chapter 11

After a bit of fast talk from Fubuki and Genos about 'stunt practice', and a few discrete compulsions on the gathered crowds, the group was soon left alone. Or for a given value, since they were still in the terminal.

"I'm guessing you're Mrs. McGonagall?" Harry asked. Unfortunately, he didn't really get much of an answer before the big guy-in the most literal sense-started blubbering for some reason.

"Merlin, I can't believe how big you've gotten; you were so tiny when last I saw, Harry!"

"Seriously? _Everyone's_ tiny compared to this big lug." Tempest muttered to Fubuki.

"Really now!" McGonagall spoke up, giving Fubuki a frown. "Madam, I strongly suggest you re-instruct your daughter on proper decorum!"

"Daughter?" Both women responded in unison. "You think she's/I'm my/her _daughter_!?"

"Your niece, then.

"Try older sister."

"P-pardon?"

"She's my older sister. By five years."

McGonagall's eyes darted down to Tempest, who glared at her. "Yes, I'm short. Deal with it." The esper then noticed Saitama's amused look and rounded on him. "And what's so funny, Cueball?"

"You know what." he responded bluntly.

"Why you!" Tempest growled, letting off a massive blast of Esper energy straight at him. "Eat pavement!"

Only to be rewarded by him casually batting it away before she was caught off guard by yet another flick. "Now behave." he chided with a smirk. "You're not making a very good impression on the locals"

"I apologize for my companions," Genos offered. "They can be...energetic at times ."

"And how." Fubuki purred, her eyes on Saitama as he was bent over to look Tempest head on. "Mrow…!"

"Bad kitty." Genos deadpanned. "No perving with Harry around."

"Um, yes." McGonagall said, looking back to Harry, who just gave a 'I have no idea' shrug. "Perhaps we should get moving. The sooner Mr. Potter gets what he needs, the sooner you can get settled in." before adding mentally, " _And the sooner I can get a drink. Think I'm going to need one after this is over."_

* * *

After a bit of walking-and a lot of confused stares from the locals-the group made it to the spot where McGonagall and Hagrid claimed the primary entrance to the magical shopping district was located: the Leaky Cauldron.

"What are we supposed to be looking at anyway?" Saitama asked, looking around in confusion before Genos tapped him on the shoulder.

"I believe they mean that, Sensei." he pointed to the tavern. "I picked up the same magic energy signature encasing it

"Where the hell'd THAT come from!?"

"This is it?" Harry asked, staring at the ramshackle building. "No offense, but this place doesn't look up to code."

"'Leaky' is right. It's a tetanus shot waiting to happen!" Tempest added.

"Actually, my sensors are picking up little to no signs of contamination." Genos replied. "Despite its appearance, it's safe to assume the local health board would approve."

"Huh. This magic stuff sounds kinda handy." Saitama mused.

Hagrid, meanwhile, briefly wondered what the metal bloke mean by a 'health board' as he opened the door for McGonagall. The others quickly followed in.

Inside, the pup was dimly lit and filled with several people, most of whom looked a good deal older than the group from Japan. As well as staring at them with a mix of confusion, boredom, and not a small bit of disapproval at their attire.

"I guess all these guys are magic users?" Saitama asked, not even acknowledging the looks.

"Yes, Mr. Saitama." McGonagall answered him as she headed to the counter where a bald man was cleaning glasses.

"Afternoon, Professor, Hagrid." he greeted the two once he saw them. "Here for the usual?"

"Not at the moment, I'm afraid, Tom." she replied, gesturing to the five. "A Hogwarts matter, currently. We need access to the back."

"Oh, of cor…" the man's voice caught in his throat when he stared at Harry's forehead.

"What?" Harry asked when he noticed the stare. "There a bug in my hair or something?"

"By Merlin's beard…" Tom responded in a tone that could only be described as awe. "It's Harry Potter...you've come back to us!"

Two seconds after those words were said, every set of eyes focus right on him and the room went dead quiet. Three seconds following that, Saitama, Genos, Tempest, and Fubuki were almost bowled over and Harry found himself surrounded by an excited mob shouting thanks and congratulations for...well, for _something_. Several kept trying to grab his hands to shake them or knock other hands away so they could.

Whatever it was for, he wanted out of there.

"BACK THE HELL OFF!" Thankfully, relief came in the form of a pissed off esper. Tempest was almost snarling as she shoved the crowd away roughly, pinning the startled lot to the walls.

"That was quite rude." Genos frowned, his palm cannons primed and ready to burn.

"Oi, McGonagall." Saitama spoke up, looking ready to punch one or more of them. "Any of these the bad guy that wanted to kill Harry?"

"N-No! Of course not!" McGonagall sputtered in shock, part of her wishing they'd taken a different route now. "Miss Tempest, put them down, please!"

"Yeah, they're just enthusiastic about having their hero back, that's all!"

"What 'hero'?" Fubuki demanded, "All I saw was a bunch of adults bum rushing an eleven-year-old boy!" she looked round. "Speaking of which, where'd he go?"

"Uh..after the little one di-gah!" Tom yelped when Tempest glared at him. "A-after she did what she did, I spotted bolt out the back door there." he pointed to the ajar door near the counter. "Looked a mite unnerved too."

"No shit, Sherlock!" Tempest snapped, "That stunt you all pulled would freak out any kid!"

"He must have been freaked out for you to see him leave." Genos added. "He can be almost as fast as Sensei when he wants to. Even I have trouble tracking him then."

"All right. Tempest, you can put them down now." Saitama set a hand on her shoulder. "We better make sure Harry's ok."

"Yeah, you're right." she dropped her aura, letting them all fall into heaps around the room as the group made their way out the back.

They found him leaning against a brick wall that took up most of the small enclosed area behind the tavern. He was noticeably shaken up when they got there.

"Harry?" Saitama walked over to him. "You ok?"

"Don't tell me all the magic users are gonna be like _that_!" Harry blurted out, making McGonagall and Hagrid jump a bit. "It's one thing to get a few cheers after killing a kaiju in the city you live at, but that was just disturbing!"

"But Harry, you're a hero here!" Hagrid said, looking at him like he'd done something completely out of character.

"For doing what!? This is the first time I've been here since I was a year old!"

"You're the one who stopped you-know-"

"Hagrid, please!" McGonagall called out, more than a little exasperated, "Let's get into the alley, then we can explain everything." she quickly took a stick out of her robe and tapped out a pattern on the bricks.

The moment she hit the last one, the bricks started to shift and recede until an archway stood before them. Through it, they could see a long road filled with squat-looking buildings on either side with several people coming in and out almost non-stop.

"Welcome to Diagon Alley." She stated with authority...until Saitama snickered. "Mr. Saitama, what is so funny?"

"'Diagon alley'. Say it all in one go." he snorted. "Good play on words."


	12. Chapter 12

"Anyone else feel like we should be looking for the quest givers?" Harry asked as the group stared around at the shop-lined street. Dozens of people were coming in and out from almost every door, though he didn't really pay much attention to the puzzled, and at times offended, looks some of them were giving the group. He noticed a few places with signs like 'Flourish & Blotts', "Eelops Owl Emporium', and 'Apothecary'.

"Tell me about it." Tempest muttered, "One question. How're we gonna _pay_ for his school supplies? I don't think any of these places take Yen."

"True, but fortunately you needn't worry about that." McGonagall gestured to the large white building down the street, "Mr. Potter's parents made sure finances for his education would not be an issue. As such, I believe it would be prudent to visit Gringotts first."

"Who the heck's Gringut?" Saitama blurted out. Like Harry, he hardly acknowledged the way people were staring.

"Gringotts is the bank of Wizarding Britain, Mr. Saitama."

"Oh, a bank. Why didn't you say so?" He replied, following her towards the mentioned building along with the rest of the group.

"Whoa, where'd you guys find all the mini-kaijuu!?" Harry stared at the little pointy eared entities bustling around on the other side of the teller windows. Most were sorting large gemstones, counting out coins, and a couple looked like they wanted to throw something at one of the customers.

"'Kai-juu'?" McGonagall looked confused at the word, "Mr. Potter, these are goblins. They operate the bank.'

"Oh…" He held up a fist, "...do we still need to punch them or something if they try anything?"

"No!" She almost yelled, "There will be no punching in here whatsoever! You will all be on your best behavior, understood?" She gave them all a stern look that was apparently her way of trying to cow them into compliance.

"All right. No punching." Saitama conceded. McGonagall gave a self-satisfied nod…

Until he added, "They look throwable anyway."

She just stared at him.

Once Hagrid managed to get her to 'reboot', they worked their way to one of the tellers without a line. When the goblin there asked for a vault key Harry was apparently supposed to have, the large man admitted Dumbledore had been holding onto it for safekeeping until Harry came back. Then it took him a minute to figure out which coat pocket he had it in.

"Are...those actually LIVE mice?" Fubuki cringed slightly at the small rodents Hagrid pulled out of one pocket before finding the key, "That can NOT be hygienic…"

It didn't take much longer before (after Hagrid, for some reason, started acting cloak-and-dagger and said something about a whatever in a different vault the group was led to a tunnel with a cart on rails above a deep crevasse. They were about to get in when Tempest noticed a small problem, "Guys, not all of us are gonna be able to fit in this thing. At least two of us'll have to wait."

"Or you could always sit in Sensei's lap, Tempest." Genos grinned at the flush of red on the esper's face as she growled at him.

"What about me!?" Fubuki protested, "At least I have my own cushion!"

McGonagall looked scandalized. Hagrid had a deer-in-headlights expression.

The goblin that was escorting them snickered.

"How fast does this thing go?" Saitama asked, "Fifteen, twenty miles and hour?"

"One hundred at top speed." The goblin replied.

"Ah, me and Harry can keep up with that easy." He waved it off

"Pardon?" A pointed finger met a pointed ear and wiggled around a bit.

"Yeah, just gotta be sure we don't outrun you." Harry added, looking a little irked, "I refuse to get in trouble again for a stupid thing like that."

"Well, in that officer's defense, you _were_ going more than twice the speed limit." Genos spoke up.

"I was staying on the curb!" He protested, "And that's supposed to just be for vehicles anyway."

"Uh..riiiight." The goblin said, "If that's your choice." If the crazy humans wanted to try and chase after the cart, no skin off his head. He'd just come back and have a patrol find them after they got themselves lost.

"By Aishcraik's codpiece!" He yelled looking behind him as the cart shot through the tunnels, "What in blazes ARE you people!?" Less than fifteen feet behind them was Saitama and Harry, keeping pace, bounding from wall to wall at corners. What freaked the goblin out more was the fact that they didn't even look like they were bloody trying!

Hagrid agreed with him, though he decided on discretion.

Of course, none of the cart's passengers were ready when they both came to an abrupt stop in front of a large side tunnel with a trio of guard goblins standing nearby. All three were giving them looks that were a mix of suspicion and 'where the hell did you come from!?'

"SAITAMA!" Tempest yelled as the cart reversed back to them, "What the hell are you doing!? We can sightsee later!"

Saitama, however, was busy staring at what was in the tunnel. In the barely lit passage was a scaly, hulking form, crouching slightly and letting out a monstrous growl. He pointed at it, "That's a dragon!"

"Yes…" One guard answered, finding himself questioning the human's sanity.

"Can I fight it? Please?"

Another guard chuckled at how stupid the human sounded, "Fight it….You...you want to _fight_ an almost fully grown guard-dragon?"

"Almost fully grown?" The man's face sank a little, "When you say that it doesn't seem like much of a fair fight."

All three looked rather smug at this admission, convincing themselves it was typical human bluster…

"Harry, go help the dragon. You need to learn team fighting anyway."

"All right." The dark haired boy replied, walking towards the beast in a disturbingly calm manner despite the protests of all four goblins in the area.

 _ ***Ten Seconds Later***_

Saitama frowned as he looked at the now concussed dragon, a handprint visible on the side of its face, "Harry…'

"Name one person who likes it when someone they try to help bites at them. It's rude!"

Meanwhile, the goblins were dead silent. Mostly because their jaws were busy danging near the floor…

With McGonagall and Hagrid's not too far behind.

"If they try and slap us with a fine for that, I'm blaming you, baldy!" Tempest grumbled.

"You brute!" Hagrid cried out once he got his bearings back, rushing out of the cart towards the dragon. "You poor little thing." He cooed, cradling its head in his lap, "The mean old man hurt you, yes he did." He then gave Saitama a disapproving glare, "Don't worry, Hagrid'll make it all better."

"Hey!" Saitama snapped, "Harry smacked it, I just wanted to fight it!" He turned his back on the sight, crossing his arms and muttering.

"Uh..eh...ah, yes...you'll have to forgive Hagrid, Mr. Saitama." McGonagall responded, secretly praying that there was enough scotch back at Hogwarts to make her forget today, "He has something of a soft spot for the more...intimidating creatures of our world."

Harry looked from her, to the dragon, back to her, the dragon, then her again, "...intimidating?" he asked, sounding quite doubtful.

"For them, I guess." Fubuki shrugged.

Tempest rolled her eyes, "So much for this schooling giving Harry much of a _challenge._ " the emphasis on the last word wasn't lost on anyone who heard her.

"I'll remember to stock up on the magical equivalent of Aloe Vera for Harry's school supplies once we return to the market area. I believe numerous people will be needing it." Genos commented dryly, though he did have a faint smirk.

The resulting silence was broken by Saitama snickering, "Hehe, good one Genos."

"Thank you, Sensei."

Once Hagrid had tended to the dragon to his satisfaction (and the goblins managed to pry it away from him), the group resumed the trek to Harry's vault, reaching it in a few minutes.

"Key, please." The goblin stated once they were all standing in front of the door.

"The hell…wait just a second!" Tempest hollered after looking what constituted the vault, "THIS is what you call security!? It's just a door attached to the rock!"

"Any non-goblin that even touches OUR vault doors will be instantly sucked into the vault until we come to retrieve them, human." the goblin responded, a slight sneer on his face. Though that was quickly wiped away when both her and the door were covered in a green glow, the door groaning loudly and the surrounding rock shuddering slightly a second later.

"Who said anything about having to _touch_ it, pipsqueak!?" She snapped, "One good telekinetic pull and the little anchoring this actually seems to have would shear right off! And that's not counting someone just busting up the rock around it!" She took a deep breath after her small rant, "I'll admit the dragon would probably scare off your run-of-the-mill crook, provided they ran into it, but the only really effective security measure I've seen is how much of a maze these tunnels seem to be."

"Actually..." Genos's eyes flicked upward, "Our current location is one hundred forty-nine yards underneath the All England Lawn Tennis and Croquet Club, Centre Court to be exact. Approximately eight miles south-southwest from the market." He turned to the-once again-shocked goblin, "Granted, the excessive turns and multiple spatial distortions were impressive in making it seem as if we covered a much longer distance."

"Wait, spatial distortions? They have those down here?" Fubuki asked.

The cyborg nodded, "A physical distance of thirty-two-point-one-four miles was covered. My sensors detected the distortion areas at miles four, eleven, eighteen, and twenty-five carrying us an additional twenty-point-five miles." He looked at Harry, "Congratulations, Harry. Your vault is under the home of one of the world's most famous tennis tournaments."

"Aw man…" came the groaned response, "I HATE tennis!"

'You ok?" Saitama asked, seeing the goblin's eye twitching a little violently.

"FINE...just...fine…" he strained out, fighting the urge to pull his hair out and/or go running to warn the directors that a group of humans had just played happy hell with their security system.

Meanwhile, McGonagall was trying not to sweat bullets, " _When did Muggle technology become so effective? And bloody terrifying?"_

When the vault was finally opened, it was the heros' turn to drop jaws at the piles of gold, silver, and bronze coins.

"Holy shit…!" Tempest and Fubuki whispered in unison.

Harry's face lit up, "There's enough cash in here to finally live my dream...my own weight in takoyaki!" his gleeful cackling echoed down the tunnel.

"Whoa...heh, if he's this loaded, maybe I should start charging him rent." Saitama commented. Luckily, his expression told the others he was kidding.

As for the final stop, the goblin, Hagrid and McGonagall had thought they'd finally seen everything the group could throw at him and were starting to relax some. Once it opened, Hagrid immediately walked in to grab the only item inside, a small object wrapped in burlap.

"Hm, interesting." Genos spoke up as he slipped it into his pocket, "A composite of synthetic chalcedony, iron pyrite, silicon, bromine, phosphorus, and trace organic elements that are emitting a weakened version of the magic energy frequency, coupled with a protonic stripper matrix, albeit haphazardly constructed, designed to reconfigure the atomic number of lead to 79."

Saitama glanced over at him, "Ok...and that's…?"

"Gold, Sensei."

"Lead to go-whoa, that's a philosopher's stone! Neat, I didn't know you could really make them! So which type are we talking about, Slayers, Full-Metal Alchemist, or ancient myth?"

"Ph-Philosi-!" McGonagall sputtered, "Rubeus Hagrid!" She rounded on the giant man, "You better have a darn good reason as to why you're retrieving something that belongs to the Flamels!"

"And does it work around the Equivalent Exchange rule?" Genos added.

Tempest looked at Harry, "Your uncles are such nerds."

"Actually, I wanna know too." he replied.

"WHAT THE BLOODY HELL DO YE MEAN DUMBLEDORE ASKED YE TA BE BRINGIN' IT TA HOGWARTS!?"


	13. Chapter 13

"But...but I was just doing what Dumbledore asked me!" Hagrid's voice was almost a whine as they left the bank.

"Dae nae git me stairted oan him!" McGonagall responded, her native accent coming out with a vengeance, "He's git plenty o' explaining tae dae as weel! 'N' dinnae think ye'r aff th' hook juist yit either!"

"Um..any idea what the heck she just said?" Harry asked, scratching his head.

"Sounded something like not getting a dinner started on him...or something." Fubuki shrugged.

"I believe she intends to have a rather...involved discussion with the headmaster and Mr. Hagrid concerning that Philosopher's Stone." Genos said, getting a collective 'Oh.' from the others.

Once she was done laying into her fellow magical, McGonagall took a cleansing breath, "Well, I believe getting 's materials are in order now. The book shop, Flourish and Blotts is closest, so I suggest we head there first…"

"Fubuki and I can go." Tempest said, tearing the book section off the list, "There's more than enough of us to split up and get most of it all once. Besides, I'm getting hungry and the sooner we get this done, the sooner we can go eat."

"Agreed. I will acquire the cauldron and basic supplies." Genos joined in, taking that particular portion of the list.

"But…!" McGonagall started, but the three had already started off. "Hagrid, take them to go get Mr. Potter's robes. I'll go with Mr. Genos to help him find the correct shops." She sighed before hurrying off after him.

"Wanna just work down the list?" Fubuki asked, ignoring the outraged look she was getting from an old lady with a vulture-topped hat.

"Young lady, put some proper clothes on this instant! Both of you!" She demanded.

"Oh please, you oughta see when we go casual." Fubuki snarked, smirking a little at the way the lady's jaw dropped once it sank in what she meant before turning back to her sister.

"Long as we find it all. What's first?" Tempest replied.

"'Standard Book of Spells. Grade 1'" Fubuki looked over at the shelves as Tempest hovered up near the top of the bookcases, "Shouldn't be too hard to spot."

"Here's one." Tempest pulled out a dull blue book with the title embroidered on the front and tossed it to her, "Next."

"'A History of Magic'" Fubuki rolled her eyes when she heard the woman start up again, this time about 'taking the levitation charm off her daughter'. "Ok, first off, she's my sister." she shot the woman a dirty look. "Second, she can fly on her own.

"What she said, so buzz off." Tempest threw in, not even looking at her.

Unfortunately, this just got her worked up even more, because she puffed up and made weird hyperventilating noises. "Where are your parents!?" she demanded. "I will be having words with them about your attitudes!"

The sisters just looked at each other for a moment, then burst out laughing.

Fubuki wiped her eyes. "Good luck finding them!"

The woman gave her a look of confusion. "What do you mean?"

"They aren't even IN this country, lady." Tempest said, once she managed to stop her own giggles. "Now, how about you go annoy somebody else before we decide you're being being a pain in the ass? Fubuki, what's next on the list?

"Wh-wha…why I NEVER!" She huffed, looking thoroughly offended.

"Try it, I hear it's a great stress reliever." Fubuki said. With that, they both headed off a different aisle, leaving her just standing there, a mix between sputtering in shock and insulted squawking.

"Three hundred galleons! You'll never get a better offer for it!" Bertrand Wiseacre, the owner of Wiseacre's Wizarding Supplies, once again tried to haggle with McGonagall, much to her increasing annoyance.

"Mr. Wiseacre!" She snapped, "For the last time, Mr. Genos is neither a golem NOR for sale! Merlin's whiskers, I don't even own him!"

"Even so," Genos picked up a nearby cauldron, examining it. "I have run calculations based on the prices and materials of your products as compared to prices of similar, non-magical objects available in the Non-Magical World, along with a list I was able to acquire at Gringotts listing the Pound/Galleons and Yen/Pound exchange rate." He looked the shop owner straight in the eye. "And I believe a more appropriate price regarding the materials, techniques, and functions of my super-structure would be one million, seven hundred forty-nine thousand, three hundred forty-nine Galleons, fifteen sickles, and twenty-four-point-five Knuts. I'm not sure how that gets rounded in regards to fractions, and exact Yen values are a good deal smaller than most other currencies."

"One...one mill…" Wiseacre trailed off as his eyes rolled back into his head, and he slowly sunk to the floor in a dead faint.

"Also," Genos added while McGonagall went to make sure the shop owner hadn't injured, " The products here are very substandard." he held up the cauldron from before. "I'm detecting a dangerously high percentage of lead in this pewter."

"Dangerous? But it's just lead." She replied, taking a stick out and waving it at the unconscious man.

"Lead is an extremely toxic material, Mrs. McGonagall. Poisonous as well. It's capable of causing kidney damage, partial blindness, memory loss, reduced reaction time, and coma. As well as developmental issues, lethargy, and kidney failure in children. And symptoms don't usually show until dangerous amounts are in the body."

"Oh...oh my." McGonagall paled when he listed those off.

He sat the cauldron back down. "I can acquire the materials for a higher quality cauldron, as well as the other items, in London."

"Um...q-quite." She said, still a little unnerved by what he said, "Perhaps we should go get Mr. Potter's starting potion ingredients."

"Very well." Genos calmly followed her out, but not before giving the shop contents one last look, and giving it a somewhat disappointed shake of his head.

By the time they left, a hand rose up shakily from behind the counter. "One...one million…ahh.."

Before its owner passed out again.

"Um...welcome to Madam Malkin's?" The assistant said hesitantly, looking at Saitama's bright yellow jumpsuit before shifting to Harry. "Here for your school robes?"

"Yeah, the list said I gotta get a few." He replied, "I was a size sixteen last time I got shirts."

She looked at him with more than a bit of confusion, "Yes...now, just...just step on the podium and she'll be with you in a minute." She gestured to where an older lady wearing mauve was pinning up fabric on a short platinum blonde.

Both of the monster killers blinked, neither of them were expecting these to be custom jobs. "May as well get it over, Harry." Saitama said, taking a small book out from where and going over to lean against the wall.

Harry sighed. He never did like clothes shopping all that much, but went ahead and got up on it. The assistant throwing a big robe on him before pinning it up as well.

"Well, while Harry gets that done, I'll be back in a few." Hagrid told Saitama while this was going on, part of him wondering why the man was reading his book in reverse.

"Ok." He replied, glancing at the big man briefly before going back to reading.

Meanwhile, Harry had gotten the attention of the blonde, who turned out to be a boy around his age, though the way he seemed to have sneering as a standard feature on his face made it hard to look at him without snickering.

"Hogwarts, too?" The blonde asked after sparing him a glance.

'Yeah."

For some reason, he seemed to take that his cue to start going on about his parents getting his stuff, then something about 'bullying' his dad into getting him a broom and sneaking it to school.

"Have you got your own broom?" He asked, the tone sounding like he was demanding an answer.

"Nope." Harry replied, trying to tune the kid out.

"Do you play Quidditch at all?"

"No." ' _The hell's 'Quidditch'!? Sounds like a drunk trying to talk while puking.'_

"I do. Father says blahblah blah blah blah-blah…OI! Pay attention to me!" The blonde snapped after a minute of finally being tuned out, "I said is that bald man with you?"

"My cousin." ' _Please shut up.'_

"Why is he dressed so...so _bizarre_!? Where are your parents? Are they even our sort!?"

"Nunya."

"What?"

"Nunyabusiness." Harry muttered, not sure what was bugging him the most; the way Blondie seemed to be demanding answers, or the whiny, nasal sound of his voice in general.

Now, usually, something like that would flat out tell someone you didn't wanna talk to them. Unfortunately, it didn't seem to register with this guy, "Who do you think you are to talk to me like that!?"

"There you go, dear." The woman spoke up before either of them could say any more, "We'll have your robes ready the day after tomorrow."

"Thanks." Harry replied, eager to get out out of there and away from the boy who wouldn't shut up.

"Seriously, you'd figure he'd get the hint after I stopped listening, but it was still yakyakyak!" Harry grumbled to Hagrid's gift, a snowy white owl by the name of Hedwig, who was currently perched on his shoulder.

Hedwig just chuffed and did the avian version of a shrug, as if to say 'Eh, what can you do?'

The next (and last, at least for today) place to go was a shop called Ollivander's for a wand. The inside was dusty and barren except for a chair Hagrid decided to sit in and thousands of thin boxes lining the walls. And aside from a faint bell in the back, the place was morgue-quiet.

"H-" A soft voice started before Harry and Saitama suddenly shifted to look at an old man behind them.

"BLOODY HELL!" The man shrieked, jumping back and almost falling on his ass; Hagrid nearly doing the same, "I...I think I just wet meself!"

"You Ollivander?" Saitama asked, watching the guy wave a polished stick around his pants.

"Indeed. Garrick Ollivander, purveyor of wands." The man replied, catching his breath, "Merlin, so that's what it feels like...now, Mr. Potter, I've been wondering when you'd arrive. Let us begin, shall we?" He quickly took one of the boxes out from the stacks and opened it, revealing a foot long stick before handing it to him, "Just give it a wave, see if it's compatible with you."

Harry shrugged and started to swing…

 **Meanwhile...**

"Ladies, I take it you didn't have much trouble finding Mr. Potter's books." McGonagall asked once she caught back up with Tempest and Fubuki. Genos had already left to go search for some lead-free pewter.

"Yeah, aside from some crazy lady bitching about our clothes." Tempest muttered, "So what's left?"

"Well, if he's already gotten his robes done,they should be getting his wand by now."

"Ok, this is something I've been wondering about." Fubuki said, wiggling the one in her hand, "If you guys can cast spells, what you need a wand for? Don't you use phrases and gestures?'

"I'm not really sure what you mean by 'gestures', Miss Fubuki, but a wand is needed, for two reasons. First, it acts as a focus to channel a witch or wizard's magic into a suitable form for spells."

"Oh, kinda like training wheels on a bicycle?" She asked, "Helps you figure out to do it on your own once you don't need it anymore."

McGonagall raised an eyebrow slightly, ' _Don't...need…? Foreigners are an odd lot..'_ "Second, it doubles as an amplifier since the majority of casters' magical auras diffuse-

"An amplifier!?" Tempest shouted, glaring at her with a mix of shock and anger, "YOU'RE GIVING HARRY AN AMPLIFIER!? ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR DAMN MIND!?"

*BA-TOOM!*

The explosion echoed through Diagon, rattling several windows and more than a few teeth.

 **Back at Ollivander's...**

"Oops." Harry said as he, Saitama, and Ollivander looked through where a large section of the store's front used to be…

And a dazed Hagrid laying in a heap against the shop on the other side of the road. "Daddy, the rutabega's bein' an old fart again!" He slurred slightly as others began trying to help him up.

"Well, definitely not that one." Ollivander commented, gingerly pulling the remaining half of the wand out of Harry's hand and offering another. "Try this." He quickly regretted it three seconds later as he watched the orange beam sear a hole through his roof.

"A light saber, neat!" Saitama spoke up.

"Yes...neat…" He replied, hoping it wasn't going to rain soon.

"Perhaps it would be best if I helped." Ollivander almost jumped when a young man covered in metal landed in front of the hole.

"Hey Genos. I thought you were getting Harry's school supplies with McGonagall." Saitama said, watching him step inside.

"I was. Unfortunately the items on sale are quite subpar, so I went into London to find some higher quality materials. Was searching for some leadless pewter when I detected a high-energy discharge. It would appear my decision to return was wise." Genos looked up at the hole, "I believe I can help narrow down the search so there's less collateral damage."

Ollivander just gave a chuckle, "I sincerely doubt that, young man. The wand chooses the wizard."

Genos, however, was already looking up and down the stacks, "Each one is carrying their own magical frequency. Simply a matter of locating the one with…" He calmly removed one and handed it to Harry, "A frequency matching his."

As soon as Harry waved it, a gout of red and gold sparks shot out, looking more like fire than anything. "Huh, is it supposed to heat up like this?"

"Here, I believe I can fix that, Harry." Genos took the wand, "Mr. Ollivander, you wouldn't happen to have a needle on hand, would you?"

"Oh, um, one second." He took his own wand out and plucked a loose thread from his shirt. A quick wave and Genos now had a thin silver needle, "What exactly do you plan to do?"

"Due to the training Harry underwent with Sensei and Tempest, his…'magical' aura is exponentially stronger than average for his age," He calmly nodded to the store's two new openings while etching something near the handle, "As you can plainly see. The wands simply can't handle the strain of channeling that much energy.

"Yes, it was certainly something to see."

"Fortunately, while searching a secondhand shop in London, I found a notebook on runes that had somehow found its way there. There were several runes in it that, on studying, will act as a buffer to help limit and keep the magic within the wand's tolerances. As well as allow the internal components to adapt to the higher levels until it can handle him using it at full power."

"Well, that makes sense...I think." The old wizard then took a closer look at the wand. "Curious…" He said, "I remember every wand I've ever sold, Mr. Potter." He then went on about his mom and dad's wands, then his, before adding, "The phoenix that gave the feather for yours also gave one other. And I'm sad to say that its wizard is the one who killed your parents...and gave you that scar." He pointed to the one on Harry's forehead.

"Speaking of which, what is the name of the man who killed them?" Genos asked.

"Oh, very few dare to say his name, he was that terrifying." The old man took a deep breath, "Voldemort."

"To quote Metal Bat, that's a stupid name." Genos commented, "Loosely translated, it means 'running away from death'."

"Really?" Ollivander frowned, "Well...it doesn't seem quite that intimidating when you put it that way."

"At least now I know who to punch." Saitama added, holding up a fist. And for some reason, the wandmaker felt himself feeling a little sorry for the Dark Lord…

Just a little.


	14. Chapter 14

The group's journey to Diagon ended on a slightly uneventful note, by the heros' standards, at least. After finally grilling McGonagall and Hagrid a little about why Harry was mobbed in the bar, saying Tempest and Fubuki were unimpressed with magic users was an understatement.

According to them, Harry had supposedly defeated this Voldemort (though they were adamant he be referred to as 'You-Know-Who' for some weird reason) when he was one year old after the guy had killed his parents, earning the scar in the process. Because of this, they all called him 'the Boy-who-Lived, the savior of the Wizarding World'.

All five of them thought this was total BS, though. If Harry was the only one to really survive it, how come so many are claiming to know what when down that night?

Once that was done, their last stop was to get a trunk for all his things. Tempest quickly nixed the idea of getting him one with a key-based lock, not putting it past possible fangirls, and boys, to try and pick it for a 'souvenir' at the school, citing first-hand experience. So, finding him one with a good combination lock in London was added to the 'to-do' list.

"Nine hundred ninety, one thousand pounds." Saitama 'hmm'ed' when he finished counting out the reward money for the robber he took down the other day. The days leading up to September 1st proved to be fairly uneventful. McGonagall and Hagrid assisted in getting them couple of rooms in the Leaky Cauldron before leaving the group to their own devices which, after finally finding the last pieces of Harry's school supplies, mostly just entailed checking out London and Diagon. "That's a lot in yen, right?"

"Just over a hundred and fifty thousand, Sensi." Genos replied, doing maintenance on his arms while he waited for the newly forged leadless pewter cauldron to cool. "Not a great amount, but it should last until Harry leaves for Hogwarts."

And...it pretty much did, given that, given Saitama's habitual frugality coupled with the fact that they were making their way through King's Cross Station only two weeks later.

"Ok...so to get on Platform-Nine-And-Three-Quarters - seriously, who names these places - anyway, McGonagall said there's a portal through the pillar between Nine and Ten." Harry looked around, the stares they were once again getting not even registering with him.

"Pretty much." Saitama replied. As they reached the point, he handed Harry his packed trunk "Ok, remember what we all told you?"

"Unless it's an emergency, always use the doors. Never start any fights, but always be the one to end them. If there's a monster around, make sure it's hostile before punching. And try to get my homework done as soon as possible so I don't have to worry about it." Harry rattled off a set of instructions before Fubuki swept him up in a hug.

"Be good, sweetie." She said, once again squishing his head in her cleavage. "Be sure to write as soon as you get there."

"I will, Aunt Fubuki." Harry's muffled reply was slightly obscured by Tempest's yell for her to stop doing that. Once she let him go, Genos handed him his trunk and Hedwig's cage. "Well, I'll see you guys next summer." With that, he did a quick check before darting to the pillar, his body vanishing into it on contact.

Saitama sighed, rubbing his bald noggin as Harry's braid trailed through the portal behind him. "That's so unfair."

"Ah, get a toupee." Tempest replied, hovering into the air a few feet. "Come on. We better get back to City Z. No sense hanging around now that he's left. Besides, it's gotten kind of boring without any kaiju to fight."

"Yeah, plus I need to check on my cactus."

"Fine…" Fubuki conceded, taking flight with her sister, startling almost everyone around them, with Genos and Saitama not far behind followed by a loud - and ignored - shriek of protest from a nearby redhead. "It's too cold for bikinis anyway. Phooey."

* * *

Amidst the cacophony of people, animals, and clattering luggage that greeted him, Harry could really only think of one thing. "We're going in that?" He asked no one in particular, staring at the gleaming red and gold steam engine. "Talk about going old school."

"Prek." Hedwig just gave the slightly gaudy color scheme a less than approving look. Honestly, it looked more like an overgrown toy than transportation

"Easy, Hed. You just need to go once. After that you can just fly there from then on." Harry said calmly as he made his way into the throng.

She barked in approval, once again looking at the color and letting out the owl version of a resigned sigh.

Aside from almost running into an older pair of twin carrottops that had come in shortly after him, the pair reached one of the cars without a hitch. Harry was about to get on when he heard frantic huffing and grunting nearby. A quick look around showed a girl with bushy brown hair trying, and failing massively, to heft her own trunk onboard.

"Hey." He said, stepping over. "Need a hand?"

"Please!" she responded, looking up towards him pleadingly. "A pair of older boys stole my trolly and-" her voice stopped dead when he lifted it up onto his other shoulder without a second thought, the owl there quickly repositioning itself on top of his head. "And...and...I…"

"Name's Harry. You starting this Hogwarts place too?"

She just nodded dazedly, watching him tote both his and her trunks like they were nothing. "H-Hermione...I...the…"

Luckily for her, she wasn't the only one. Quite a few others nearby, kid and parent alike, stopped nearly everything they were doing to stare.

"Bloody hell…!" a redheaded boy blurted out before an older one, who was probably his brother if having the same hair coloring was any indication, chided him for language.

"Come on." Harry said, making his way to the nearest entry on board.

"You...those...but…" Hermione's voice continued haltingly as she followed him in a slight daze while her brain continued its attempt to process what she'd just seen. The two went past a couple of already occupied coaches before reaching an empty one.

"You ok with sharing one or wanna find yourself a spot?"

"Share...share ok..." she said before things finally reconnected "Wait!" she pointed to the trunks as he slid them up onto the overhead racks, "Those trunks have to be at least fifty kilograms, and I certainly didn't see you cast a spell! But you lifted them like they were milk jugs! How are you even DOING that!?"

Harry just shrugged before sitting down. "I'm stronger than I look. The workout Uncle Saitama had me do helped."

"Workout?"

"Yeah." He ticked off each one "One hundred sit-ups, push-ups, squats, and a ten-kilometer run, every day."

"I-I'm sorry, I think I must have misheard you...did you say 'every'...?"

"Well, every day for about three years. Not counting the training Aunt Tempest gave me." Harry shrugged. "Granted, I was pretty sore the first eight or nine months, but it was more annoying than anything."

"Th-three years…you were doing...all that...non-stop. FOR THREE YEARS!?" She shrieked. "That-that's insane! There's no way your body could've handled that!"

"And I'm standing right here." He added, windmilling his arm around a little to prove the point.

"But...but HOW? The strain alone...why did they even do that to begin with!?"

"When that Dumble….fore? No, that's not it...Doublecore…? No…"

"D-Dumbledore?" She asked, slightly hesitantly as her eyes trailed up to his forehead.

"Yeah, that's him. He said some criminal named Volde...Volde…" He shook his head, "Volde-whatever his name is! He killed my mom and dad, and tried to kill me, but something backfired on him so he disappeared."

Hermionie's eyes widened when it landed on a lightning bolt-shaped scar above his right eye. "You...you…"

"Yeah, dunno why me, but he said the guy might come back to try and finish the job, so Uncle Saitama wanted me to be able to hit back."

"No...you...you're Harry Potter." Hermione's expression quickly shifted from confused shock to acting like she had just ran into a celebrity.

"Hold up!" He said, seeing her look like she was gonna fangirl, "If you're going to start acting like those weirdos in the Leaky Cauldron, I'm outta here."

"Wha?" that brought her up short. "What do you mean?"

"Ok, look. When we got into that bar to get to Diagon, I was swarmed by everyone there. All of them were wanting to praise or thank me for something that happened more than a decade ago! Something I don't even remember!"

"But you defeated…"

"It doesn't matter if I beat Attila the Hun! Hermione, it's one thing for someone to say thanks or even offer to buy you lunch for something you did a few minutes ago...a week at most. Going on about it for ten years? That's obsession...and creepy! Hell, for all I know, Vold-whatever ran out of steam fighting my parents and had to run before he could get me."

"But what about your scar?" She spoke up, trying to bring something to the table. "All the books about you tell how you survived the Killing Curse that he tried to use on you! You're the only one who's ever done that!" She'd read nearly every book that talked about how the boy in front of her defeated the dark wizard everyone calls You-Know-Who. They were all presented as factual accounts, and deep down, she was desperate to confirm that was true.

"Not unless somebody else was there who saw everything. I don't know anything about kill curses or whatever, but I was only One back then. And this guy was supposed to have a lot of people scared of him." his tone and expression were more than enough to show how dumb he thought that sounded. "He probably threw something at me before getting out of there."

Hermione wanted to protest at what she felt was aspirations on knowledge, but when she considered it, the whole thing did sound ridiculous. Plus, some of those books also claimed Harry faced off against him in a titanic battle, retaliating with powerful spells of his own. Along with a few other outlandish deeds.

Before she could say anything else, the coach door opened and a slightly lanky redhead looked in. "Um, is it ok if I sit in here?" he asked. "Everywhere else seems packed."

"Ok with me." Harry replied. Hermione simply scooted over to let him sit. A quick introduction showed his name to be Ron Weasley.

"Wait…" Ron's eyes widened when he looked at Harry. "You...you're the bloke that picked up her trunk like it was nothing! You didn't wave your wand for a spell or anything!"

"He...he's stronger than he looks." Hermione said, "I'm still accepting that he actually did it."

If Ron heard her, he didn't say anything, since he'd shifted to staring at Harry's forehead, "B-bloody hell….bloody hell, you're Harry Potter!"

"Not this again…" Harry fought the urge to roll his eyes as he noticed the boy was leaning in towards his head, mumbling something about 'that's the scar'. "Ok….Ron, was it?"

"Yeah?" he blinked, stopping when he heard his name.

"You do realize that this scar's over ten years old, right?"

"Yeah, right famous one, that is!"

He then fought the desire to facepalm. "You _also_ realize that I got this from the same guy who killed my mom and dad, right?"

"Yeah...oh." Ron stared for a couple seconds more before blanching when he realized what Harry was talking about. "Ohh...uh, s-sorry about that, mate…" He quickly pulled back, looking a little ill. The three sat in mild silence as the train finally exited the station. After a while, he finally spoke back up, "So...either one of you know any spells yet?" He pulled a scraggly-looking rat out of his pocket. "My brothers showed me one they said would change Scabbers, my rat's color."

"That should be interesting." Hermione piped up, looking eager that idea."

"Ok..um…" he took out his wand, or at least it looked like one; the thing was worn and dull from use, and something could be seen poking out from the top. " _Sunshine, daisies, butter mellow, turn this stupid fat rat yellow!_ "

Nothing happened. The rat just squeaked and sniffed around.

"No offense, Ron, but I think you've been had." Harry gave the rat a less than favorable look. For some reason, he really, REALLY wanted to punt it.

"Yeah, that's not a-" Hermione started before Ron cut her off.

"A real spell. Yeah, I bloody should've figured as much." He stuffed the wand away in annoyance. "My git brothers, Fred and George, love using me as a test subject for their sense of humor. Bad enough everything I got is all hand-me-downs."

"Hand-me-downs aren't that bad most of the time. A lot of my clothes are old ones Uncle Saitama used to wear when he was younger, mostly to save a few yen. Though I still don't know why Aunt Tempest got riled up over that one t-shirt...they still won't tell me what 'oppai' even means."

"Yeah, but that's just you. Try having to use stuff from five older brothers. My books are almost family heirlooms by now. My wand used to be my brother, Charlie's. Scabbers was Percy's. All my clothes used to theirs, Bill, Fred and George's." He snorted. "My sister Ginny's really the only one who's gotten anything new."

Harry, meanwhile, was ticking off the names. "Seven kids!?" He looked at Ron incredulously. "How'd your folks even manage _that_? Uncle Saitama almost broke the bank just raising me!"

He just shrugged. "Wondered that about as often as I wished my parents made a little more money."

"Um, not to interrupt the conversation, but…" Hermione pointed towards the door, where a roundfaced and worried looking boy was standing.

"You lot haven't seen a toad by chance?" The sandy-haired boy beside him asked. "Neville here's lost his."

"A toad?" they gave the seats and floor a once-over on the off chance one did get in. "Sorry, no toad here." Harry said. "Here." He looked to the snowy owl currently perched on the back of the seat. "Hed, think you can scout them out a toad somewhere on this train?"

Hedwig let out an affirmative bark and fluttered over to Neville's shoulder. "You...you really think your owl can help us?" he yelped when she gave him a sharp rap on the head with her wing.

"Yeeaahh...she doesn't really like people doubting her like that." Harry said before mentally adding, ' _Aunt Tempest found that out fast'_

"She's help at least." the other boy shrugged. "Cheers, mate. C'mon, Nev."

As the two boys, and Hedwig, left, Hermione decided a change of subject was in order. "So, which house do you think you'll be in?"

"Gryffindor. No contest." Ron said without a second thought. "Every Weasley has been there."

Harry glanced over at her. "Houses? You mean like clubs or something?"

"Hogwarts uses a house system, Harry." Hermione replied. "Each one is named after the school's four founders: Godric Gryffindor, Helga Hufflepuff, Rowena Ravenclaw, and Salazar Slytherin. They have some method of assigning students to each house, but I have no idea what it is."

"Just hope you don't get sent to Slytherin." Ron said the name like he'd just eaten a cockroach. "A lot of dark wizards come from that one."

"Honestly, Ron." Hermione chided him. "Their main trait is ambition and cunning. That does not automatically make someone 'dark'."

"Still a lot of dark wizards from it. Nearly all You-Know-Who's Supporters came from there!" he crossed his arms defiantly. "And from what I've heard from my brothers, even some of the ones who weren't were still mankey gits."

"You do know Merlin was in that house as well, right?"

Ron paused for a moment. "Doesn't meant he couldn't have been a git while he was there."

She tried to come up with a worthwhile rebuttal when the sound of approaching wheels caught their attention. A cart laden with candy and various chocolates rolled up. "Something from the cart, dearies?" the lady manning it asked.

"My parents don't really care much for me eating sugar." Hermione said.

Ron pulled out a bag with a thick corned beef sandwich in it. "I...I'm good."

Harry looked at the stuff on the cart, and it seemed like fairly standard stuff. "Ah, why not." He pulled out a handful of the gold coins he'd had left over from getting his school supplies. "What all can this get us?"

* * *

A few minutes later, and the seats were covered with empty wrappers and various snacks. Ron was halfway through the second of something called a pumpkin pastie. "C'mon, Hermione. One chocolate frog won't hurt you."

"Does it _have_ to be moving?"

Harry, on the other had was realizing Berti Botts Every Flavor Beans meant 'EVERY' flavor. ' _Whoever thought this was a good idea sucks at making candy.'_ Grass, hot mustard, pistachio, trout, and eggplant were not meant to be in jellybeans... much less eaten all at once.

"EW! Harry!" Hermione shrieked in revulsion at the sight of him horking the nasty wad out the window. "That's disgusting!"

"Good distance, though." Ron added.

Unfortunately, as if that was the cue in some bizarre play, the door once again opened, rather rudely this time. Harry groaned when he saw who was standing there, this time flanked by two heavyset boys.

"So, it's true." The blonde sneered as he eyed Harry's scar. "Harry Potter is coming to Hog-you!" he blurted when he realized who it was.

"Not you again."

"You know this guy, Harry?" Ron asked, jerking a thumb towards him.

"Ran into at the robe shop. Serious case of 'blahblahblah' syndrome."

"My name is Draco Malfoy. And you'd do well to listen to what I say, Potter." he sneered at Ron and Hermione. "Especially since it's clear you need instruction on the right sort to associate with. Really, consorting a Wea-*" He stopped when Harry's hand suddenly appeared in his face, along with a gust of wind that blew the hair of all three boys back.

"Ok, gonna stop ya right there, since I'm still just hearing 'yak-yak-yak' outta you. I'll hear what you have to say, as long as you keep it to twenty words or less."

"Twenty…? H-how dare you talk to me like that, Potter!? You're nothing but a peasant compared to me! When my father hears about this….!"

"And that's more than twenty. Good-bye"

'Thoink!'

The two boys looked in surprise as Potter reached up and calmly flicked Draco on the nose.

'Thud!'

Which sent him into the wall behind them. The duo looked at Harry, then to the now knocked-silly Malfoy, and sighed ruefully. With an apologetic look towards the coach's occupants, they hoisted the boy up and carted him off down the hall.

Harry just shrugged and closed the door. Turning back, however, he was treated to both Ron and Hermione staring at him. "What?"

Ron's jaw hung open, looking flat out gobsmacked.

"H-Harry…" Hermione managed to squeak out. "If...if you're trying to convince us you _aren't_ Superman, or some variant thereof...you're not doing a really good job."

"Eh, I'm more into stuff like Green Lantern and YuYu Hakusho myself."

Ron just continued to stare

* * *

Meanwhile, farther down the car:

"Gregory?"

"Yeah, Vincent?"

"We're gonna be doing this a lot, aren't we?"

"It looks that way, Vincent. Sadly…"

"Aw, bollocks..."

"My sentiments exactly, Vincent."


	15. Chapter 15

The Express rolled across the British countryside into the night, until…

"All right, you lot, we're nearing Hogwarts; hurry up and change into your school robes." One of the older students called out down the hall.

"Here, you two can change first, then I can. It shouldn't take us long that way." Hermione said as she got up.

"All right." Ron was already getting his robes out. Outside, Hermione decided to kill a minute listening to the mix of sounds and chatter from the nearby coaches. That lasted until she heard Ron speak up again.

"Say, Harry? Just curious, but...what exactly is that you've been wearing? I know muggles wear sweaters, trousers, and things like that, but that doesn't look like any of that stuff."

Hermione leaned against the door a bit. She'd never really been what you'd call a fashionista, but in a way she was somewhat intrigued as well.

"Oh, it's my gakuran."

"Gak-what?"

"Gakuran. Some schools back home in Japan have them as the uniform for boys."

"'Home in Japan'? But you were born here...weren't you?"

"Yeah, but I've lived in Japan for the last ten years, so it's pretty much home for me."

She couldn't really fault him that. Especially if it'd been that long.

"Bloody hell! I-is that normal?"

"What is?"

"That!"

Hermione had to stamp on her own ingrained curiosity with a vengence to stop herself from whirling around and peeking in to see what had Ron startled. It was an invasion of privacy and rude.

"I still don't see…"

"Look! I'm pointing right at it! Flippin' heck, Harry! _Mine_ doesn't look like that!"

By then, Hermione was gifted with the famous 'deer in headlights' face. ' _What in blazes are they talking about? And why do I feel dirty wondering about it?'_ she promptly shook her head. ' _Blah! Stop that! Bad Hermione!'_

Inside, Ron just sighed as they finished getting dressed. "I still say it shouldn't look like that."

"And I still don't know what's got you worked up. They've both been the same as they were since I was ten."

"Ten? Bloody hell…" Ron opened the door to find a wide-eyed, and rather red-faced, Hermione standing there. "Ok, we're done...and what the heck happened to you?"

"Huh, I think I saw Aunt Fubuki like this once." Harry commented, putting a hand on her forehead. "Huh, no fever here, either."

"I-I'm fine!" she squeaked, bustling past them into the coach and shutting the door, possibly a bit more forcefully than she needed.

Both boys looked at each other. Harry simply shrugged. "I'unno."

It was a few minutes before she emerged, though she still looked a little flushed. Just in time, too, since the train had come to a full stop by then. They quickly followed the other kids as they exited off the train. Outside, it was almost pitch black, even with with the few lanterns that hung around what seemed to pass as a trainstop.

"First years!" the voice of Hagrid boomed out over them. "First years with me! All right back there?"

"Seems kind of late for orientation." Harry said as the new students followed the huge man to a series of small boats.

"All aboard! No more than four to a boat, now!" Hagrid called out, climbing into one a bit more his size. Harry, Hermione, and Ron, along with a boy who introduced himself as Dean Thomas got into one.

"Ok...there's no oars, and I'm not seeing a propeller back here." Harry said, looking behind him at the rear of the boat. "So how's this thing gonna move?" he knew it'd be easier, and faster, to just levitate everyone and fly up high enough to find the place, but Fubuki had taught him that sometimes it was a little better to go with the flow.

Especially if it gave you a chance to kick back and relax for a moment.

Ron and Dean just shrugged. "Magic." They said in unison.

A moment later, Hagrid called out again. "Everyone ready? Forward!" As if on command, the small 'fleet' began moving across the water. "Watch your heads!" The huge man called out when they reached a vine-shrouded tunnel, which made little sense since even he had headroom in there.

'Whoa...look at that." Dean half-whispered as they exited the tunnel and were greeted by the sight of a massive castle towering out over the lake.

"Welcome to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry." Hagrid said when it came into view, with more than a little pride in his voice

"Ok, now that's cool." Harry grinned, visibly impressed. He'd visited Aokigahara Forest with Saitama for a spar...and were asked to never come back after getting a little too into it and leveling a half mile area...but this place was definitely in the running for impressive.

The boats soon reached a small dock and everyone climbed out, following Hagrid up a rocky, uneven path.

"Dah!" Hermione yelped, stumbling briefly before Harry caught her.

"You ok?" He asked, looking to see what she'd tripped on.

"This is an accident waiting to happen!" she muttered, glaring at a rock jutting out high enough for a foot to catch. "No real steps, no handrail…!"

*Cra-ra-crack!*

She, along with every student around him stopped and stared when he reached down and pulled the offending rock out of the ground. "Yeah, someone could get hurt here." He added, tossing it aside.

"Bloody hell!" Ron blurted out before getting jabbed in the side by a pair of twin girls for swearing.

"C'mon. Looks like there's real steps up ahead." Harry said, not even registering the stares as he continued on

"Herminoe...I wasn't seeing things just then...was I? He…"

"No, Ron, you most certainly were not seeing things. And that was definitely NOT magic he used."

"Bloody-ow! Bug off!" He snapped at the twins after another pair of jabs.

* * *

Once everyone managed to snap themselves out of what they'd seen (and a few convinced themselves and a couple others it was an already loose rock Harry had picked up) they continued the walk, reaching the stairs and entering a large hallway with two heavy wooden doors.

Soon as they were all gathered, Hagrid knocked heavily on the doors, the hits echoing a little. One of them opened shortly afterward and McGonagall came out.

"Hey, Professor." Harry spike up, getting her attention. "Isn't it a little late for orientation?"

"Orient...tation..?" The old woman shook her head. "N-no...Mr. Potter. I am here to inform you that the Sorting will begin momentarily. There you will be assigned your house for the next seven years; Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw, and Slytherin. These houses will be your home and family while you are here. Now. In a moment you will enter the Great Hall where the sorting will occur. I strongly suggest you smarten up." She finished with a look at Neville's off center cloak and Malfoy's disheveled hair before heading back in.

"So this is what that house assigning deal's about?" Harry asked. 'They gonna ask us a bunch of questions of something?"

Ron snorted. "Fred and George tried to convince me we have to wrestle a troll or something while we were getting ready to leave. Gits…"

"A troll?" Neville blanched. "They...they wouldn't do that...would they? Oh, thanks for Hedwig, Harry. She managed to snag Trevor in the girls' loo. Think she decided to wait for you in the school owler-YIKE!." He jumped, and a few nearby girls shrieked, when a water balloon hit the ground at the feet, splashing them with ice water.

A cackle up above made them all look up, spotting a grinning phantom floating near the ceiling, its arms loaded with more balloons. "Ooh-hoo! What do we have here? Ikle firsties? Time for a Peeves-style welcome!" He reared back with another, taking aim right at the middle of the group.

At least, until another ghost, this one covered in odd silvery stains clamped its hand on 'Peeves's shoulder, making him stop dead. His gleeful expression shifted to utter terror as the other ghost whispered harshly into his ear. The kids couldn't make out what was said, but Hermione swore she caught 'bins' and 'decade', whatever that meant.

Whimpering, Peeves quickly flew off, throwing his arsenal out a nearby window. The other ghost simply looked straight at them, giving a slight nod before gliding through the doors.

"Wait, this place is haunted?" Harry asked, looking where the two spooks disappeared to.

"One of the most, if not THE most haunted areas in all of the British Isles, according to 'Hogwarts: A History." Hermionie replied.

"Cool." He grinned. "Mumen Rider's gonna flip when I tell him my school's got spooks."

By then, McGonagall had come back out and promptly ushering them all in. They quickly found themselves inside a huge dining hall, walking in between four long tables where all the other students were sitting and staring at them.

"What's their deal?" Dean whispered, looking a little annoyed at some of the stares they were getting. "Like we're on parade or something."

As they neared the table where Harry spotted Hagrid and a bunch of adults, the teachers apparently, were sitting at. McGonagall was standing by a small stool with a tattered looking hat on it. Before anyone could comment, folds and tears appeared on the hat, giving it the appearance of a face...and it started singing.  
 _  
"Oh you may not think I'm pretty,_

 _But don't judge on what you see,_

 _I'll eat myself if you can find_

 _A smarter hat than me._

 _You can keep your bowlers black,_

 _Your top hats sleek and tall,_

 _For I'm the Hogwarts Sorting Hat_

 _And I can cap them all._

 _There's nothing hidden in your head_

 _The Sorting Hat can't see,_

 _So try me on and I will tell you_

 _Where you ought to be._

 _You might belong in Gryffindor,_

 _Where dwell the brave at heart,_

 _Their daring, nerve, and chivalry_

 _Set Gryffindors apart;_

 _You might belong in Hufflepuff,_

 _Where they are just and loyal,_

 _Those patient Hufflepuffs are true_

 _And unafraid of toil;_

 _Or yet in wise old Ravenclaw,_

 _if you've a ready mind,_

 _Where those of wit and learning,_

 _Will always find their kind;_

 _Or perhaps in Slytherin_

 _You'll make your real friends,_

 _Those cunning folks use any means_

 _To achieve their ends._

 _So put me on! Don't be afraid!_

 _And don't get in a flap!_

 _You're in safe hands (though I have none)_

 _For I'm a Thinking Cap!"_

(Sorcerer's Stone)

The whole room, save for the youngest, burst out in applause. "There a reason why it was tone deaf?" Harry asked.

Once things died down, McGonagall spoke up. "Now, when I call your name, come forward and sit down. You will then don the Sorting Hat and be assigned your house. Abbot, Hannah!"

Harry didn't really pay much attention to most of the names called, though he did notice Hermione get put into Gryffindor, along with the guy helping Neville on the train.

"Malfoy, Draco."

"Move aside, peasants!" The blonde snarled - tried to, at least. It came out more nasally -, attempting to shoulder Harry aside, only to bounce off, holding his shoulder like he'd just smacked a doorframe. "Oww!"

"Mr. Malfoy." McGonagall eyed him as he tried to act as if it had been deliberate. The hat hollered 'Slytherin!' before it even touched his head. He simply sneered and went to stick himself at the table between Crabbe and Goyle

"Now _that's_ a mankey git." Ron, trying to give the snobbish boy a rude gesture without the teachers seeing him. The names continued until…

"Potter, Harry!"

The moment she said his name, whispers erupted from the tables:

"That's him! See the scar?"

"That's Harry Potter? But the books say.."

"Kinda cute for a firstie."

Even Dumbledore was a little surprised at the boy's appearance. ' _Minerva certainly wasn't kidding when she told me he barely looked anything like James! I didn't think the hair of Potter men could even get that long.'_

As the hat came to a rest on his head, Harry heard something akin to a yelp of surprise in his head.

" _BLOODY HELL! What in Merlin's man boobs have you been doing these last few years!?"_

"Who said…?" Harry looked around before glancing at the hat.

" _Correct, Mr. Potter. Hogwarts Sorting Hat, though I personally prefer the monikker Helga Hufflepuff gave me, Seymour."_

"Ok."

" _As I was saying, I saw a bit of your life, what the blazes were those...those things!? They make leithfolds seem cuddly!"_

"Oh,the kaiju. Yeah, they can be kinda ugly at times."

" _That's putting it mildly."_ Seymour retorted. " _And I recommend thinking your replies instead, makes conversation a bit easier. Now...blimey...now while an utter, and possibly suicidal, lack of fear doesn't count as bravery, the fact that neither you nor your uncle will hesitate to...ew,its entire upper body is a bit overkill, innit? I mean, not hesitating to go after these monstrosities to save peoples' lives is most assuredly a factor, albeit insanely reckless as well."_

" _Someone's gotta."_ Harry shrugged.

" _Point taken. Now, aside from that, your current education makes you a decent candidate for Ravenclaw, but you would probably give the house fits trying to figure out how you can do half of what you do. You're definitely a hard worker and have loyalty in spades, but it's only for family and those that have earned it, so Hufflepuff wouldn't exactly fit. Slytherin…the less said there the better. They wouldn't last the first term."_ Seymour ruffled his brim. " _In that in mind, I can only say…_ GRYFFINDOR!"


	16. Chapter 16

"GRYFFINDOR!"

The moment Seymore yelled the name, the related table erupted in deafening cheers. The two redheads who looked liked Ron could be heard chanting 'We got potter! We got Potter!"

' _The heck's with them?'_ Harry asked, raising an eye at the celebration. ' _They're acting like their fantasy football team just won the championship.'_

' _Thank heavens I've been on enough heads to pick up stuff like that.'_ Seymore sighed ' _Despite how...expired you consider your deed that night, the majority of magical Britain still sees it as a very recent event. Only advice I can offer is to try to ignore it. Anyway, you should go sit down. I still got a few more to sort."_

Once he got the table, he found himself being congratulated...for what, he didn't have a damn clue. One of the older students, introducing himself as Ron's older brother, Percy - though he looked a little constipated - shook his hand, saying 'Well done!'

"What the hell is he talking about?" He asked, sitting beside Hermione. "Seymore just assigned to this dorm, that's it."

"Who's Seymore?" She asked.

"The hat." Harry said, sitting by Hermione. "Said Helga Hufflepuff named him."

"Really? I don't remember seeing that in Hogwarts: A History." She made a mental note to look it up later.

Ron had just been sent to the table with them when they all heard something up above them. The whole table looked in time to see several silvery pantasms float in through the wall, engaged in conversation:

"...let live, Nicholas."

"Are you serious, Friar? Peeves is a menace; he's not even a genuine ghost! Hello?" The ghost called Nicholas looked around. "Oh bother, we're late for the sorting, aren't we?"

"Wait, I heard of you!" Ron laughed. "You're Nearly-Headless Nick!"

"That's Sir Nicholas de Mimsy-Porpington, if you don't mind!" The ghost responded, looking put out by the nickname. "House Ghost of Gryffindor."

Hermione and Harry looked up at him in confusion. " _Nearly-Headless_?" She asked. "How…?"

Nicholas simply grabbed his hair and tilted his head to the side, causing nearly all the younger students to recoil at the small hinge of skin being the only thing keeping him in one piece.

Harry, on the other hand…"You look different."

"Pardon?" Nicholas looked at him, head flopping slightly, much to the revulsion of others.

"Yeah. You're dressed different from when you stopped that other ghost from throwing water balloons at us outside. Whatever you said spooked him."

"Throwing water...oh, you mean that blasted Peeves." Nicholas put his head back up before shaking it. "I'm afraid the only ghost who can control that pest is the Slytherin House Ghost, The Bloody…" He paused, glancing over at the ghost hovering by the Slytherin table. "The Bloody Baron's the only one he listens to...Um, excuse me for a moment." He quickly flew over.

"Nicholas." The silver-stained ghost spoke in a slight rasp when he neared.

Nick quickly looked back at his house's table. "Baron, might I have a word with you?" He motioned up towards the ceiling.

A few of the students watched as the two ghosts floated to an upper corner, and from the way Nick was gesturing, they seemed to be having an interesting conversation. However, the curiosity faded when the last student, Blaise Zabini, was sent to Slytherin and the man Harry figured must've been Dumbledore stood up.

"Welcome to a new year at Hogwarts!" He said, beaming at the students before saying something that Harry didn't understand in the slightest.

"Is he always this weird?" He asked one of the other students who'd introduced himself as Lee Jordan.

"Ehhh...sometimes. I mean, he's one of the greatest wizards since Merlin, but yeah, he can be an odd duck. Pass the chicken, would you?"

Harry blinked, somehow all the plates had been filled with food; from roast beef and chicken, to sausage, to mashed potatoes and vegetables. There were even a few things he had no clue what to call. "Wow, wouldn't mind learning this kind of magic! Gives new meaning to 'order in'." As he looked up and down, trying to decide what to hit first, he glanced up at the teachers' table.

Hagrid was chugging away at a mug that looked more like a beer keg. McGonagall was talking to Dumbledore and a little guy with a wispy ring of hair around his face and head. The two on the far end, however, kind of looked out of place. One was a guy with greasy-looking black hair, pale-yellowish skin and a scowl like he hated everyone and everything.

Or, as Aunt Fubuki once said, he looked like your run-of-the-mill emo.

The other one, who Harry guessed was talking to Emo, had on an odd-looking turban. When he looked at it, though, he felt a sudden twinge in his scar and scratched it.

Hermione and Ron saw it, but didn't really think it was anything major.

* * *

Back at the teacher's table, Snape sneered when the turbaned man suddenly contorted, going crosseyed in the process. "What are you doing, Quirrell?"

"Grrckkk..!" Was all he got in response. In the man's head, however, he was shrieking.

"Quirrell, what the bloody hell ran us over?! That. Fucking. HURT!"

'Kkkkrrrggkk…!'

"QUIRRELL! Answer me, dammit!"

"Are you even listening to me!?" Snape demanded. "Or has all the garlic rotted your brain even more?"

"Go get buggered by a donkey, both of you!" Quirrell snapped, his head bent to the side from pain.

Snape's eyes widened a bit, by the insult as well as the venomous tone. "How dare you…"

Anything else he said was ignored when the voice in Quirrell's head spoke up again

" _...Quirrell."_

The man paused. ' _...I'm in trouble, aren't I?"_

" _Very."_

' _Oh. Bollocks….'_

* * *

After chowing down, the food quickly vanished and was replaced with dessert; ice cream, pies, even a few cakes and such. Harry grabbed a slice of red velvet as he overheard some of the others talking about their families. Seamus mentioned his mother had been the magical one between his parents, but didn't tell his dad until after they were married.

Neville, on the other hand, brought up how his family, for a while, worried that he didn't have any magic and tried to force him to display some. When he said his Uncle Algie had pushed him off a pier and dangled him out of a window, Harry's expression became unnervingly blank.

"Mental note; if I ever see this guy, he gets punched."

Neville glanced at him. He wasn't sure why, but something told him Harry Potter was 100% serious in his intent

Before long the desserts vanished and Dumbledore stood up again with a few last things.

"Who names a forest like that….beside a school?" Harry asked.

Hermione gave a slightly helpless shrug. "Maybe it's easy to get lost in. I'll have to see if the school library has anything."

Ron, Lee and two more of Ron's brothers, Fred and George, looked borderline offended when he said "The hell's 'Quiddich'? Sounds nasty." Which led to a harsh, whispering, and garbled lecture as all four tried to extol its virtues at the same time. Unfortunately, all he really caught was that it was a sport of some kind.

"And last, but most assuredly not least, the third-floor corridor on the right hand side

is currently off limits due to renovations." The old man looked over his glasses at the student body. "Anyone caught there will spend the next week helping Madame Pince organize books."

A collective shudder ran through just about every table when he said that. Judging from more than a few looks of horror around him, Harry guessed this Pince lady wasn't exactly popular.

Then the old guy had them sing what he called the school anthem...except he told them all to 'pick a tune'. ' _Yeah, Uncle Saitama AND the others'd probably hurt someone by now.'_ Harry thought, using a napkin to plug his ears up from the incoherent noise.

Once they finished, Dumbledore had them all head to their dorms. The new Gryffindors followed Percy out of the dining area and up the nearby staircase. Personally, Harry was ready to hit the hay, so he didn't really pay much attention to the turns and doors they went through. After a while, though, he was starting to get a little annoyed with how far they'd gone, yet _still_ hadn't gotten there.

He was about to ask if the ginger even knew where he was going when they stopped at a bunch of walking sticks floating in the air, that started throwing themselves at Percy when he stepped forward.

"It's Peeves." He whispered to the first years. "A quite bothersome poltergeist. Peeves!" He quickly raised his voice. "Show yourself!"

With a maniacal cackle, the same ghost that had thrown the water balloons appeared, holding the sticks. "Ooh, ikle firsties!" He grinned at them. "What fu-EEK!" He yelped and dropped the bundle when something whistled past his head and struck the ceiling with a loud crack. Both Peeves and Percy slowly looked to see what it was.

Embedded a third of the way into the stone, and still vibrating a little, was one of the walking sticks the ghost had thrown at them.

"You can touch physical items, and since you reacted to that, I'm guessing you can be touched back. You also like throwing stuff at little kids, which makes you a bully. And you're a ghost, therefore not human, meaning you're not much more than a monster." Harry spoke up, picking up another stick. "I'm full, tired, and in no mood to put up with you right now, you second-rate Casper reject…"

"PEEEEVES!" An aggravated voice hissed from everywhere. "What did I say earlier?"

"P-Peeves was just playing…!" The ghost whined, looking scared shitless as he curled up in a ball.

" _What. Did. I. Say. Earlier!?"_ It repeated, sounding more than a little angry.

Peeves snivled incoherently for a moment, then flew off with a petulant wail.

"Miserable excuse for a specter…" The voice muttered, fading as it spoke.

With that, the group was left in silence, until…

"Harry, was throwing the cane back...THAT hard...really necessary?" Hermione spoke up.

"Yes."

"Um...r-right…" Percy managed to get out, mentally wondering if he should report that to McGonagall, or just try and pretend the _wooden_ cane was not currently fourteen inches deep in the _stone_ ceiling.

Weighing his options, all he could come up with was 'quack'.

* * *

Once he finally came back to reality (thanks to a good old fashioned slap from Ron), Percy quickly led them to the portrait of a fat lady in pink. As soon as they got near, she moved to look at them and asked for the password, swinging open as soon as Percy gave it to reveal the entrance to a large, armchair-filled room. A low fire was gently crackling in the fireplace, where a few of the upper years were already reclining by.

Percy quickly ushered the girls to a nearby door to their dorm, then led the boys to a

Staircase spiraling up to theirs. Inside lay five four poster beds with heavy red drapes over them. Their trunks were already at the feet.

Harry barely heard anything the others said as he changed to his pajamas, snoring the moment he landed on the mattress.

Meanwhile the other four boys just stared.

"Um...Dean?"

"Yeah, Neville?" The dark skinned boy looked at his new roomie

"Is...is it normal for a guy's stomach to look like that?"

"It's not uncommon...but it's usually on an adult who works out."

"Yeah…" Seamus piped in. "A bloke our age doesn't tend have what muggles call a 'six-pack'"

Ron shook his head "Knew that wasn't normal."


	17. Chapter 17

The next morning, things were fairly relaxed in the main hall as the students trickled in for breakfast, chatting about their classes or who tried to jinx who for something.

BONK! BONK! BONK!

Then they heard it. Echoing over everything in the room.

BONK! BONK! BONK!

It was loud enough to get the attention of everyone there, as well as make several wince from the obvious noggin-to-wood noise.

And it was coming from the Gryffindor table. McGonagall rushed over to the source.

BONK! BONK!

"Mr. Pot-"

CRACK!

"M-Mr. Potter!" She yelped, staring at the large dent Harry just put in the inch thick oak table. "Dear Merlin…"

"Bloody hell Harry!" Ron added, ignoring the dual 'Language, Ron/ !' From McGonagall and Hermione. "Why…just...WHY?"

"Aunt Fubuki's gonna kill me…" Harry muttered, his face still in the dent. "I'm not supposed to punch or kill something unless it's proven to be a threat, and that Peeve was just being annoying…" He picked up his head a little. "But I was tired and cranky from Ron's brother leading us all over the place before actually getting to the dorm rooms...ugh…" He smacked his head back down on the table, deepening the dent with another woody crunch.

"So the cane in the ceiling was your handywork." McGonagall sighed. "Why am I not surprised...granted, Peeves can be a handful at the best of times, and thankfully the damage was easily repaired. However, in the future, do try and refrain from putting other holes in the castle." She took her wand out repaired the dent with a wave. "As long am I am here. Mr. Potter, the Headmaster would like to see you after breakfast."

With that, she headed back to the front table. Once she was gone, Ron looked at him "Why are you so worked up about it? The git was throwing big sticks at us as a bloody joke!"

"While Ron's phrasing leaves a bit to be desired, he's got a point, Harry." Hermione added. "That ghost was flat out rude!"

"Yeah, but there's a difference between a jerk and something that wants you kill and/or eat you." Harry sighed. "I'll never hear the end of it when they find out."

* * *

Once breakfast was done, and Harry managed to get past a bunch of students who wanted to oogle his forehead, McGonagall led him to one of the castle towers.

"His office is up there?" He asked, looking at the spiraling staircase. "Seems like a pain if you gotta talk to him a lot."

"Well...it can be a little tiring at times." She admitted, giving the steps a less than affectionate look. "But the school founders felt this was a good idea." At the top was gargoyle-blocked door. "Ichigo...Pocky." She spoke out, sighing in confusion as the phrase caused the gargoyle to step aside and the door to open.

"That's a pretty good flavor, though I prefer vanilla myself." Harry commented, before whistling when he saw the office Inside was slew of tables and bookcases loaded with tomes, scrolls, and various odds and ends. Beside the huge desk was a perch with a large red and orange bird sitting on it.

The bird glanced back at him for a moment, then with a squawk, twisted around to look his way with a wide-eyed expression.

"Well…that's interesting." Dumbledore spoke up as he came out from a side room, giving the bird a bemused look. "Never seen Fawkes do that before."

"Yeah, the smarter Kaiju tend to react the same way." He slowly walked up to the bird, making sure he didn't act like a threat. It stared at him intently, looking a little perplexed itself, before relaxing a little and letting Harry scratch it.

"Some type of tropical hawk?" He asked, looking at Dumbledore.

"Phoenix, actually." The old man replied. "I've known him almost all my life. They're marvelous creatures; can carry weights far greater than their own, reborn from their own ashes, and their tears can heal just about any wound. Plus their song elicits pain from any dark-hearted individual." ' _Now that I think about it, it probably does explain why Snape always looks irritated when Fawks does sing around him.'_ "And it seems he doesn't mind you. But enough idle banter. I was mostly curious to see how you've acclimated to Hogwarts, my boy."

"It's not too bad so far." Harry said. "Um, sorry about the cane in the ceiling."

"Minimal damage." Dumbledore sat down ."Though I have to admit, I've never seen stone get pierced that cleanly before without a spell. So, I take it that you've managed to settle in well?"

Harry shrugged. "Pretty much. Aside something here making my scar itch."

"Pardon?" That caught the old man off guard.

"Yeah. Last night when I was looking at the teachers, something made the residue act up."

"Um..w-what exactly do you mean by 'residue'?" Dumbledore felt a chill up his spine ' _I pray that doesn't mean what I think it does!'_

"When Aunt Tempest was helping me fine-tune my Esper abilities, she picked up on the remains of something with a bad attitude in it. She said the technical term was 'energy bound by ill intent..."

* * *

 _Harry looked at the older Esper. "So, behind my scar…?'_

" _It's a bundle of foreign mental energy. Feels kinda like it's from an Esper, but it's not a happy camper."_

 _Saitama stepped over. "Could it've been left by the guy who tried to kill Harry when he was a baby?" He asked._

" _Maybe." Tempest snorted derisively at the scare. "Though, if it was, then he's one of the sorriest bad guys I've ever learned about. I mean, Fubuki could whoop his ass in her sleep if THAT's the worst he could unleash!"_

" _Sis, you do remember that your abilities are a lot stronger than mine, right?" Fubuki deadpanned a little._

" _Well, let me correct that. Considering how strong this feels, it's either contact residue, or Mumen Rider could smack this guy around."_

 _The group stood in silence for a minute, their opinion of the bad guy responsible dropping just a little bit farther._

" _So….'contact residue'?" Genos asked._

" _When two Espers fight, residue of their power can more or less 'stick' to, or linger, each other. Especially in injuries. And since our energy is shaped by intent, there's emotional energy mixed up in with it. You can clean it pretty easily if you know about and catch it in time….but now that it's been this long, and scarred over...I'm afraid Harry's stuck with it."_

 _Harry just shrugged. "Ah, no biggie. Hasn't bothered me before."_

* * *

"...except now it _is_ acting up, as soon as I got to the Emo and Turban Guy"

"Turban...that would be Professor Quirrell, the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. He's worn that thing ever since he returned from the continent. And…'Emo'...?"

"Yeah, greasy hair, kinda yellowy skin, had an air of 'I hate everything'."

"Ah, that would be Severus Snape, our Potions Professor, and Head of Slytherin House." Dumbledore tried to keep the uncertainty out of his voice. "It happened when you looked at one of them?"

"Yeah. It doesn't hurt, just annoying."

"I...I see...um. Would you be willing to let me check something? Nothing invasive, of course. Just a theory I might have."

"Well, ok."

Dumbledore nodded and slowly took out his wand. "Now, you may feel a tickling sensation." He gently tapped Harry's scar. " _Legilimens_." The old man quickly found himself in a white expanse with a grey stone floor that stretched out as far as the eye could see.

All-in-all, a fairly basic-looking mindscape. Well, except for a little radio near by, indicating Harry was humming a little tune to himself outside.

"Dumbedore!" A voice he thought - and hoped - he'd never hear again spoke up at his feet. He looked to find a man in black, except his face was very...un-human: red eyes, a slit nose and bald, scalelike skin. And he was scared shitless. "You gotta get me out of here!" He clawed at the Headmaster's robes. "I can't take much more of this!"

"Tom?" Dumbledore was thrown for a loop. He'd seen the current 'Dark Lord' in moods before; angry, overtly confident, smug, but scared out of his wits was a new one.

"Potter's out of his mind!"

"You're one to talk." Dumbledore retorted.

"I'm serious, you git! You have ANY idea how many bizarre shapes I've been beaten into in here!?"

"What in the world are you going on…" He trailed off when a shadow suddenly appeared above them.

"ROAD ROLLA DA!" The warcry caused both wizards to look up.

Tom looked ready to cry. "Mommy…"

"SWEET MERCIFUL HEAVENS!" Dumbledore scrambled to get out of the way as what he recognized as a massive Muggle steamroller landed on Tom with a thunderous slam, almost knocking him off his feet.

When the dust cleared, Dumbledore could only stare in shock at what just happened. "T-Tom?" No answer. "Tom?"

A hand finally emerged from under it, pointing at him. "I AM the walrus! Flugle..!" Tom's garbled voice yelled, before descending into a slew of dazed and incoherent mumbles.

"Um...I…" Dumbledore was at a loss now. He wasn't sure if he should be wary of possible further 'attacks', or laugh his arse off at the wizard who called himself 'Lord Voldemort' getting a piece of construction equipment dropped on him.

"Did I get him?" The voice that yelled earlier spoke up again, getting the Headmaster's attention.

Dumbledore looked to see another Harry Potter hopping off the machine. "Mr. Potter?"

"His subconscious, but pretty much."

"I...I see. I'm going to assume this." He gestured to the scene. "Is your handiwork."

"It gets kinda boring just punching him all the time."

"Ah….right." Dumbledore did his best to maintain his composure, despite the urge to say 'sod this, I'm out'. "May I ask how long…?"

"Harry was about eight when he popped up, going on about being the 'greatest dark lord since merlin', how this was his body now, and crap like that. So I started punching him."

"Just...just like that?" Dumbledore actually felt a little bad for Voldemort.

"Pretty much. First few times he'd recover, then start throwing a tantrum about 'making Potter and everyone close to him suffer' and blah-blah-blah. Now it's just something to do, and make sure he doesn't start those long-winded brags about being feared again. It gets really annoying."

"Right. Well, in that case, I'll go ahead and leave you to things." Dumbledore nodded his farewells and made to leave. As he did, he caught a yell of 'FORE!' followed by the sound a golf club colliding with something soft.

"AAAAHHHHHOOHOOHOOEEYYY!" Voldemort's fading scream followed him back into the waking world.

"Find anything?" Harry asked when he shakingly pulled his wand away.

"Oh, um, nothing to worry about. Just an old man worrying over nothing." Dumbledore chuckled weakly. "Though, the next time it does itch,I suggest seeing our healer, Madame Pomfrey. She should be able to give you something to stop it. Now, I believe you have classes to attend. Professor McGonagall should have your schedule ready."

The moment Harry was gone, he slumped into his chair. "Bloody hell!"


	18. Chapter 18

Relaxing into one of the old armchairs in the teacher's lounge, Dumbledore watched as the teachers gradually filed in for what he liked to call their 'first-impressions' meeting. At the end of the first full school week, they would give their thoughts on some of the new students...possible troublemakers, any that looked like they may have problems with the material, and so forth.

Once they were all gathered - with one who need not be named looking like they had better things to do - he opened up the floor. "So, how is our newest year holding up so far?"

McGonagall was the first to start. "Well, I can certainly say this is going to be an interesting seven years." She quickly pointed at Snape who was already opening his mouth. "If I require your opinion, Severus, I will _ask_ for it!"

He just scowled.

"Now, as I was saying. These next few years are going be, well, rather uncommon. Especially after one particular class."

* * *

" _Ok, I think we made it." Ron said, helping a slightly green-looking Harry into the room. "You gonna be alright, mate?"_

 _Harry just groaned. "Ugh...that was disgusting."_

" _Mr. Weasley, what happened?" McGonagall asked, quickly shifting out of her cat form, surprising most of the class in the process._

" _Neat trick…" Harry managed to get out, before letting out a large belch that had her reeling._

" _Oh! Dear Morgana!" She coughed, waving a hand in front of her._

" _Sorry."_

" _He tried the black pudding." Ron answered, propping him up a bit. "I don't think it agreed with him."_

" _Yes, I...*cough* I can see that, Mr. Weasley." She quickly took out her wand and cast multiple air freshener charms._

" _Oh...and sorry about your rat, Ron." Harry managed to get out._

" _Your rat?"_

" _He chundered on Scabbers." Ron gave a slightly helpless shrug. "I had to wash him off or he'd have stunk up the dorm."_

" _Q-quite." She cast a couple more air fresheners. "Do you need to see the school nurse, Mr. Potter?"_

 _He shook his head. "I'm good. Just need to sit down and let my stomach settle."_

" _Very well." She waited until they were seated and began her introductory speech to Transfiguration, turning her desk to a pig and back to demonstrate as well as warn them of the consequences of fooling about in her class._

 _Once she made sure it had sunk in, she proceeded with having them taking down notes before starting with their first task: turning a matchstick into a needle. It was hard to keep her normally stern expression as she checked on their progress, more than a few were throwing themselves into the attempt._

" _Is the safety still on this thing?" She overheard Potter mutter when she neared him. "Nothing's happening."_

" _What's a 'safety'?" One of the other students asked, though she blushed when she realized she'd said it out loud._

" _What's wrong?" Granger asked him, doing her best to keep quiet._

" _It's not changing." She was about to ask what the problem was when he screwed his face up into a scowl, the tip of his wand glowing brightly._

" _Mr. Potter, I-"_

" _CHANGE!" The class shrieked as a bright flash of light erupted from it._

" _Mr. Potter!" She cried out, blinking the spots away. When her vision cleared, she, along with the others around him, saw that a foot and a half patch of wooden table now had a metallic sheen._

" _Think I overdid a little." He said, running his hand over it._

" _A 'little'!?" Granger and Weasley asked in unison._

" _M-Mr. Potter!" McGonagall yelped, staring at what used to be a wooden surface. She gave it a tap, only to discover that it WAS metal now. He had turned the area into solid silver!_

" _I found it!" He spoke up, rubbing a small ridge on the surface. "Does that still count?"_

* * *

"Took me the next hour to change it back to wood!" She finished, letting out a slightly rueful laugh at the whole situation.

Dumbledore chuckled to himself, though they could all hear the slightly forced tone. "Well...that's certainly a new one." He looked around to see who was interested in speaking. "Quirinus?"

"N-nothing new…" The DAtDA teacher replied, rubbing his temples.

"Is something wrong?"

"No….no, just some odd headaches lately." He shot Snape a dirty look when he heard a scoff. "Perhaps I just need some fresh air."

Dumbledore looked at him almost piercingly. "Very well. Pomona?"

"First classes have been fairly calm so far." The slightly heavy-set witch replied. "Though...it's hard to explain, but the venomous tentatcula...how do I put this?" She sighed. "It tried to hide from Mr. Potter."

"I'm sorry, Pomona, but I must've misheard you." Fillius spoke up, wiggling a finger in his ear. "Did you say the tentacula…?"

"It tried to hide from him. Granted, it's only a sapling, but you all know they're rather hostile even at that stage. He gave it an annoyed look when it tried to grab his robe, and it froze up. It was blooming shaking! Like it was terrified! Then it...it just suddenly coiled up and tried to dig itself into the dirt!"

The room was silent for a few moments. Then.

"Ha! Dahahaha!" Dumbledore's entire upper body shook as he collapsed into a fit of giggle and cackling.

"Headmaster! It's not funny!" Sprout called out indignantly. "I had to coax it out with nearly two full packs of dried chizpurfles!"

"My - heehee - m-my apologies, Pomona." He replied once he managed to settle down. "The idea of a terrified tentacula just struck me as oddly humorous." He took a bit more to fully settle down. "Now, Filius? Care to go next?"

The pint-sized chuckled hesitantly. "Well, before I say anything, you may want to recall what Minerva said about Mr. Potter's current spellwork."

* * *

" _Is he ok?" One of the students called out after Flitwick fell off his chair getting to Harry's name._

" _I'm fine, class. I'm fine. Just got surprised, is all." He welcomed them to their first charms class and spent a portion of it discussing the differences between charms, hexes, jinxes, and curse before giving them their first spell._

" _The first spell we'll be working on is the unlocking charm, Alohomora. It should prove helpful in case the locks on your trunks jam." He chuckled slightly. "Now remember this, proper pronunciation is essential! A poorly phrased incantation can prove quite embarrassing at the very least. Now, repeat after me: al-LOH-ho-MOR-ah."_

 _He had them repeat it a few times to get used to it, then levitated an old lock to each student. "These locks will be perfect practice for you. I don't expect you to get it the first time, but do your best." He then sat back and listen to them try and cast it, finding the multiple incantations being said quite relaxing._

" _ALOHOMORA."_

 _Flitwick jumped a little at the somewhat excessive force Harry Potter used in his voice. "Oh dear." He sighed, remembering what Minerva had told him as numerous clicks were heard, far more than just the locks he'd handed out._

* * *

"It seems the unlocking charm works on robe clasps as well. Potter managed to inadvertently unhook every single one in the room." He finished, a considerable amount of embarrassment in his voice. "I didn't even know it could do that…!"

"Indeed...though, as the saying goes, you learn something new every day, intentional or not." Dumbledore smiled a bit...until it faded as he glanced at the surly potions teacher. "Severus, your turn."

"Given that I'm the only one here smart enough to _not_ fall for Potter's obvious pranks…proof alone that he's no better than his father." The sallow-faced man didn't even bother hiding the self-righteous tone, or the down-his-nose look he was giving the other teachers, despite the fact several looked ready to hex him for the insult.

"Severus." Dumbledore's warning tone made him pause, at least long enough to force his expression into something more neutral.

"As soon as he came into my class, Potter was rude, demanding, belligerent and refused to do any work. When I deducted points _and_ assigned detentions, the arrogant brat stormed off, dragging Weasley and Granger with him." He finished with a look that seemed to dare them to contradict him.

"An interesting statement, Severus." Dumbledore admitted, holding a hand to forestall protests. "Considering our dear Baron gave me a different account."

As if on cue, the Bloody Baron floated up through the floor beside him. "Professors." He said, a measure of respect in his tone. "And...Snape." He muttered, like a less than pleasant afterthought.

"You had my house ghost spy on me!?" Snape snarled, realizing what the Headmaster meant.

"I am not 'your' ghost, boy!" The Baron snapped back icily. "My loyalty is to Hogwarts, not you. Something I am glad to reiterate, given that what I saw proves you have not grown up at all."

* * *

 _The Baron rolled his eyes from his spot in the corner as Snape ruined a perfectly good introductory speech with a cheap insult, at children no less. Granted, he wasn't the greatest with them when he was alive, but Snape was a bloody teacher! Show some professionalism!_

 _He earned no points with the ghost either, when he pulled out the sarcastic 'celebrity' bit on Potter._

" _Potter! What would I get get if I added powdered asphodel to an infusion of wormwood!?" The man snapped._

 _Judging by the surprisingly calm look on the boy's face, along with the Granger girl, it was safe to assume he'd been warned of Snape's attitude ahead of time and made sure to be prepared. That or Snape just didn't scare him, which made sense too._

" _Depends. Do you mean absinthe wormwood, white wormwood, sweet wormwood, Roman wormwood, or common?" Potter asked, his tone barely changing._

 _The Slytherin ghost couldn't help but smirk at that. He had a point too; the man didn't specify._

 _Snape's sneer deepened before he tried again. "Enough! Where would I find a bezoar!?"_

" _Again, are you talking about a food bolus, which carries the archaic and more positive meaning; a pharmacobezoar, a mass of solid or semiliquid material that you usually find in a victim of overdosing on medication; trichobezoars, better known as hairballs…"_

" _Difference between monkshood and wolfsbane! Now!" Snape yelled, almost getting right in his face about it._

" _Ok, first off, that's just rude. Second, they're both the same plant."_

 _The Baron never thought he'd be as grateful for his self-control as he was then when he saw the so-called head of Slytherin House have a vein pop up on his forehead, or he would have busted out laughing right then._

" _Thirty points from Gryffindor for your impertinence, Potter!" Snape snapped, before skulking off to the front._

" _Wow, who whizzed on your waffles this morning?" Even from his spot, the Bloody Baron could see Potter had little respect for anyone with that kind of attitude. Quite frankly, he couldn't blame the boy._

" _Forty points! And detention!" He swung his wand at the board, causing a potion recipe to appear. "You have two hours, get to work!"_

" _Wait, what?" Potter looked at him in near horror. "You just said potion making was an exact science and art...and you're wanting us to do it in HERE!? If it's anything like chemistry, this room is a deathtrap!"_

" _Sit down and be-" Snape growled. Or to be exact, he tried, but Potter went right over him._

" _No ventilation, the lighting is awful, cramped conditions begging for accidents, and to top it off, no safety gear for handling potentially toxic and dangerous materials, or to prevent cross-contamination!? Are you out of your damn mind!?" He then pointed right at Snape. "Who the hell gave you your teacher's license?"_

* * *

The Baron shrugged slightly. "Admittedly, I don't know what Potter means by 'cross-contamination' or even 'bolus', but he is correct in the dungeons being a poor location for potions. One mishap and you risk damaging the schools foundations."

"It is MY class, and I will teach it where I choose!" Snape growled, glaring hatefully at the, in his eyes, traitorous ghost.

"Suffice to say, Potter shared those sentiments in a fashion." The ghost continued, ignoring Snape. "Since he then packed up his things, stating that he refused to work in the unsafe, and unsanitary, conditions. Even when Snape started bellowing out more deductions, detentions, and threats to expel him if he didn't return, Potter left the room."

A slight smirk appeared on his face, though the others could barely see it. "It seemed to have struck something with his friends, since Granger and Weasley quickly joined him. Of course, it wasn't long before the rest of the class left after Snape decided to throw a tantrum and yelled at them all 'to get out of his sight'."

By the time he was done, the others looked like they couldn't decide if they should laugh or tear into the man themselves.

Dumbledore however, quickly decided for them. "Well, I believe that's as good a place as any to stop for the night." He spoke up, climbing out of his seat. "We can reconvene tomorrow night for the others." He gave them all a cheerful 'good night'...until he turned to Snape. "Severus. My office. Now."

The potions professor hissed under his breath when he heard the order. "Damn you, Potter…"


	19. Chapter 19

"Guess this is his place." Harry said, reaching a wooden house near the edge of the forest. He'd never been invited to tea before, so this was going to be, at least, a little interesting. Then again, he wasn't really much of a tea drinker anyway.

"Knock and let's see." Ron threw in. He and Hermione had heard about Hagrid from some of the other students, and tagged along to see for themselves.

Harry gave a quick knock and they were greeted by several loud barks and shouts of 'Back, Fang! Back!' before Hagrid peeked out. "Oh, Harry. One second. Move, Fang!" The door opened, revealing the huge man trying his best to hold onto the collar of a huge dog.

' _Huh, seen a few places like this back in Japan.'_ Harry thought, noting how it was all a one room, though he was a little concerned at the hams and birds hanging from the ceiling. He introduced Ron and Hermione after Hagrid told them to make themselves at home, and snickered when Fang pounced on Ron, licking his ears.

"Another Weasley, huh?" Hagrid asked, glancing at Ron as he offered them something called 'rock cakes'. "Lost count of the times I had to chase your twin brothers from the Forbidden Forest."

 ***CRUNCH!***

The noise was enough to make them all jump and look at Harry, who was chomping down on one of the cakes. "Little on the dry side."

After that surprise, things shifted to telling him about their first batch of lessons went. Ron seem pretty happy when he called the caretaker, Filtch, 'an old git'. "And that cat of his, Mrs. Norris, she's just as bad. I swear that manky sod has her follow me around in the hopes he can catch me doing something." Then he said he had heard about Harry's moments in charms and transfiguration, chuckling a little weakly until potions came up. "Can't believe you just walked out like that."

"To be honest, Hagrid, Harry had a point." Hermione said. "That wasn't the safest place to work in, even if it did give off a 'mad scientist' feel."

"Just as well. The guy was pissed at me for something before we even met." Harry added. "Acted like I kicked his grandma."

"Hogwash, Harry." Hagrid responded. "There's no reason Snape should be hating you."

" _Who said anything about him hating you specifically?"_ Ron whispered. " _He was being a goit."_

Harry just shrugged. "Oddly enough, that reminds me. You guys find a safe place to stash that philosopher's stone?"

"A what stone?" Ron asked.

"Philosopher's Stone, Ron." Hermione replied, sneaking a rock cake into her pocket to see what the hell it was made of later. "It's a gem rumored to turn base metal to gold and create a potion of immortality. But, it's supposed to just be a myth!"

"Uh, w-what philosophers stone?" The man asked, suddenly trying, and failing, to look like he had no idea what that was. "D-dunno what you're talking about, Harry."

Harry just gave him a look. "Hagrid, I may not have hit puberty, but I'm not dumb. Remember, Professor McGonagall laid into you about it until we left the bank"

"I...um…" Hagrid sighed. "Dumbledore didn't say where he'd hid it, exactly. He just said it's in a safe place."

"Well, if you got it from the bank, then I'd say you did it right on time." Hermione said, looking at the newspaper on the table. "Someone broke into Gringotts, but the vault they went after had already been emptied."

"Huh, July thirty-first, a few days after we got there." Harry noticed. "Whoever they were, they got disappointed."

* * *

The next day, a notice was up in the Gryffindor common room that they'd be having flying lessons on Thursday with Slytherin.

"Flying? But I can already." Harry said, though no one was really listening due to a surge of excitement mixed with apprehension about how well some would or wouldn't do at the lesson. That seemed to carry on through the days until then; several bragged to anyone in ear shot about how good they claimed to be, like Malfoy's stories that seemed to always end with him narrowly avoiding a helicopter. Even Ron tried to claim that he'd almost hit a hanglider on one of his brothers' old brooms.

The talk about that 'Quidditch' stuff spread like crazy too. He'd watched Ron and Dean get into an impressive argument after the latter said Soccer was better. It was kinda funny, even though he had to stop them from trying to throttle each other.

Neville, like him, had never been on a broom either. Though his reason was mostly because his grandmother wouldn't let him on one. Harry couldn't help but feel a little bad for the accident-prone kid.

Hermione, nervous about it as well, was running through every tip and advice bit she'd managed to find. Neville was hanging onto her every word when the mail came. Hedwig arrived with a few letters; most were junk, one was from some weirdo demanding to know where he'd been all this time, and that he'd better have a good excuse. ' _How the hell did one of those loonies find me out here!?'_ He sighed mentally, not even bothering to check the return address. ' _Guess that's what I get for hanging out with Aunt Fubuki's teammates.'_ That one he gave to Seamus to wrap his chewing gum in.

The last was from Saitama and the others; Hedwig had managed to confuse the hell out of them when she popped up at the apartment somehow while they were figuring out to send him a letter. Bang had flat out asked her if she could teleport. There'd been a couple demon-level monsters, but aside from that, nothing much was going on.

Neville, though, got a big smoke-filled marble apparently called a Remembrall. "If it turns red, then you've forgotten something."

"So...it tells you you forgot, but it doesn't help you figure out what?" Hermione asked, getting a nod. "Kinda pointless, then, isn't it?"

* **SMACK***

"YEOW!" Everyone looked to see Draco Malfoy hopping around, cradling his throbbing hand. He'd tried to snatch the Remembrall on his way by the Gryffindor table, and got his hand popped for it.

Behind him, Crabbe and Goyle just facepalmed.

"That's not yours." Harry pointed at him.

"What is going on?" McGonagall demanded, having reacted faster than the other teachers.

"Potter hit me for no reason!" Malfoy whined.

Sadly for him, after meeting Tempest and Fubuki, McGonagall knew better than to take things at face value. She looked to the students seated. "And what is your side of things?"

"Harry slapped Malfoy's hand when he tried to swipe Neville's Remembrall, Professor." Hermione spoke up, ignoring the scowl she got from the blonde.

"Just wanted to look at it." He muttered.

McGonagall caught it too. "Mr. Malfoy, in polite society, we look with our eyes. Now all three of us kindly return to your table."

Malfoy gave them what he thought was an intimidating glare...until she asked if he needed to visit the lavatory.

"Greg, why are we 'friends' with him again?' Crabbe asked as they followed him back to the Slytherin table.

* * *

When the day finally rolled around, all the first years from both houses were taken out onto the grounds where the flight teacher, Madam Hooch, was waiting. As soon as she saw them, they were told to each stand beside one of the brooms lined up on the ground.

Harry looked at the worn handle and frayed-looking head, remembering how Ron's brothers had mentioned that the school brooms were old and didn't work right all the time. ' _And they expect you to fly on these!? What about the splinters!?'_

"Now hold your hand over the broom and say 'up'!" She ordered.

"Up!"

*WHAM!*

*bidadadada…"

The class stared as Harry's broom slammed into his hand, vibrating a little from the impact. "Um, yes, sometimes you have to rather be firm in saying it." Hooch said, cleaning her throat a little. "Going to pretend I didn't see that happen…"

Ron got his after a couple of tries, while Hermione's just seemed to want to flop around. Neville's didn't move at all, but given the shaky tone in his voice, it was safe to assume that he'd rather keep his feet on the ground.

After everyone managed to get them, she showed them how to get on with slipping off; and Ron had trouble hiding his enjoyment at her telling Malfoy he was using the wrong grip.

"Now, when I blow my whistle, I want you to kick off hard, rise up a few feet, then come back down. One, two…"

Unfortunately, a mix of nerves and the bad luck of picking a crummy broom had Neville shooting straight up. "AUGH!" It continued rising, despite Hooch's demands he come back down. In a few moments he was well over a hundred feet up and climbing.

Looking a little annoyed that the teacher wasn't even getting on her own broom to go after him, Harry tossed his aside.

"Harry, what are you-" Ron's jaw flopped a little as he watched the dark-hair boy rocket up, ripping a huge divot out of the ground from the sheer force of his jump. He slowly turned to look at Hermione. "Not helping his case?"

"Definitely." She muttered.

Neville hung on for dear life as the malfunctioning broom rose higher and higher, too terrified to think. "Help…!" He whimpered before feeling a weight on the broom behind him, and the broom itself stopping dead. In fact, it was almost...trembling?. He looked behind and could barely believe what he saw. "H-Harry!?" He squeaked.

"Hey." Harry replied, looking down. "Nice view."

"H-how'd you get up here!? Where's your broom?" He asked, looking around wildly for it

"Oh, jumped." Came the reply.

" _Jumped_!? But we're up so high!"

He waved it off. "Been higher. Now, let's try and get this thing to head back down. See if you can tilt the front end down and we can get a descent."

"Uh, o-ok." Neville gulped. Still shaking, he gently eased the tip of the broom down, only to feel something come tumbling out of his robes. "My Remembrall!" He cried, watching the orb plummeting towards the ground.

"I got it. Be right back." Before Neville could respond, Harry leaped off the broom towards the nearest tower.

In her office, McGonagall was relaxing from her latest class when she heard the shout outside her window. "What in the…" Looking out, she was treated to the sight of Harry Potter flying off a broom that was more than a hundred feet up, land against the Defense tower before rebounding off to grab hold of a broom _that was flying up, seemingly on ITS OWN, to meet him!_

"MR. POTTER!" She shrieked, not sure exactly what to yell at him for as he caught something falling before shooting back up to the higher broom, where someone else was apparently on it. "Sweet Morgana's leg hair!" She gasped, trying to keep her legs from giving out on her as she rushed out of her office.

* * *

Since Neville was too nervous to angle the broom down much, it took a couple of minutes before they got back to the ground. "Thanks, Harry." He said, before passing out.

"Harry!" Ron yelled. "Bloody hell, Mate! That jump up there was unreal enough! But to the tower then that broom!? How'd you even get the broom to come up to anyway?"

"Kinda surprised about that myself." Harry watched as it flew back down, hovering right beside him. "Didn't know they came with an autopilot."

"Because they don't, Harry!" Hermione looked ready to faint herself. "Your broom was laying on the ground when it took off. By itself! I'm still learning about magic, but what I have says that's not possible!"

"Heh." He shrugged and looked over at Hooch, who was reviving Neville. "Want us to try again?"

"MR. POTTER!" McGonagall's bellow nearly echoed over the grounds. "Never, in all my life - of all the insane - what were you thinking!?"

"What? No sense letting his Remembrall hit the ground. Besides, I've fought kaijuu that were taller then that."

"Taller...you...that…I..." She sputtered. "Just...just follow me. Now."

"What!?" Ron protested. "He helped Neville and he's getting in trouble for it!?"

"Be quiet, Mr. Weasley."

"No, I bloody won't!" He snapped. "You saw how high that broom was!" He pointed at Hooch. "And all she did was yell at him to get back down! Maybe if she'd have done something, then Harry wouldn't have been forced to!"

Taken aback by the look the redhead was giving her, she went for a different approach. "Madame Hooch, you have your wand, correct?"

"Of course." Came reply, Hooch holding her up. "I was well prepared to cast a slow-fall spell for emergencies. As well a cushioning charm or two just case." A slightly sheepish look crosses her face. "Though, in hindsight, perhaps I should have informed them ahead of time."

"You think!?" Several students responded.

"Quite. As for Mr. Potter; I assure you he is not in trouble. There is, however, something I do need to speak with him." McGonagall looked a bit more relaxed now. "Now, I believe you all still have flying lessons. Mr. Potter, if you would." She quietly led him back inside.


	20. Chapter 20

Harry frowned a little. After McGonagall dragged him away from class, he'd figured she was gonna ask him why he 'risked himself' or something similar. Considering what Uncle Saitama'd picked up something while looking through one of his school books, that sounded about right.

* * *

" _Wow, wizards are kinda dumb." Saitama commented. With no crooks or kaijuu to go after right now, he decided to peek at the copy of Hogwarts, A History that Genos had gotten when he took a second trip into Diagon to see if he could find anything else that'd come in handy. "That or they just get scared easy."_

 _Tempest stopped flicking through the channels on the TV. "What are you talking about?"_

" _From what I can tell in this book, magic users here are so dependent on needing spells for stuff; from fighting to construction, to even getting lunch, that they think physical effort's beneath them." You could almost hear the disbelief in his voice. "It calls the ones that do thugs or crazy."_

" _You're kidding me!" Tempest looked disgusted. "Talk about lazy!"_

" _Says the woman who'll levitate a drink two feet away." Genos commented._

" _Hey!"_

" _He's got you there, Aunt Tempest. I've see you do that." Harry said, turning to Saitama while she protested. "So, if they can't cast a spell for something, they think it's hopeless."_

" _More or less according to this book. May be something somewhere else that's more accurate, but this is still sad."_

* * *

He'd admit that he was a little surprised to be introduced to who she said was the captain of Gryffindor's Quidditch team, Oliver Wood. Her reason for it was kinda weird too: " _Mr. potter, I'm not going to beat around the bush. I want you to join the Quidditch team. After seeing what you managed out there, I'm convinced you'll be what Gryffindor needs to beat their losing streak against Slytherin."_

He'd asked about the other two houses winning, but with the way she talked, it sounded like they were all expecting Gryffindor to beat Slytherin.

Uncle Saitama was right; wizards were a little dumb.

* * *

"Potter, you're either the bravest or craziest guy I've ever been around." Wood said as they walked out onto the field. "Walking out on Snape like that, it's still the talk of the school!"

"He wasn't professional, and the 'class' is unsanitary." Harry replied. I know at least three people back home that wouldn't accept working conditions like that."

"Still, I doubt the Slytherins'll tolerate you disrespecting him." Wood added. "Anyway, back to the matter at hand. How much do you know about Quidditch so far?"

Harry shrugged. "It's played in the air, far as I know."

"Ok. Well, aside from that, a standard team has seven players. Three Chasers, two Beaters, a Keeper, and the Seeker. Got it?"

"Sounds like npcs from a bad roleplaying game, but yeah."

Wood paused for a moment at that before opening the chest they'd brought along, taking out a big red, dimpled ball. "The Chasers' job is to get it through the goals up there." He pointed to the three large rings at either end of the field. "Each goal's worth ten points. The Keeper, yours truly, has to protect the team's goals."

"Ok, so you're the goalie."

Wood looked confused at the term, but shrugged and took out a pair of small bats.

"We gonna play baseball?"

"Base...? These are beater's bats, Potter. The Beaters use 'em to keep the Bludgers away from their team and focused on the opponents."

"The hell's a 'bludger'?"

"This." Wood undid a clasp holding down a violent-looking cannonball. The projectile shot into the air the second it was free. The Bludger buzzed around like a pissed off hornet before rocketing straight at Harry. "Use the…!"

 ***KREENG!***

"...bat." Wood watched as the Bludger screamed into the sky and out of sight, way faster than it could move on its own. He slowly looked to see the slightly smoking remains of the now shattered bat in Harry's hand. "That...that bat was magically reinforced…!"

Harry looked at the handle he still had. "Oh, sorry. How long do you think it'll take before the...what'd you call it - Bludger? Before it comes back?"

"I-I think 'will' it come back might be the better term…" ' _Okay...Beater DEFINITELY outta the question!'_ "Let...let's try the last one. The Snitch." He opened a small lid inside the trunk and took out a tiny golden ball.

Four delicate wings unfurled from it as he did. "The Golden Snitch. The Seeper's job is to catch it. Doing that not only ends the game, but earns the team a hundred and fifty points. Easier than it sounds, though. Lil bugger's fast as blazes and almost impossible to see at times." He let it go and the tiny ball buzzed off faster than he could follow.

Harry's hand, though, was a little faster. Wood squeaked in shock when it blurred into view, the Snitch flapping helplessly between the middle and index fingers. "Didn't wanna grab too hard." Harry said, handing it back. "It looks expensive."

"A...a little." ' _Bloody hell! What is this kid made of!? The snakes are gonna scream foul the moment they see him on the field!'_ "Let's try the Q-Quaffle." Wood continued, grabbing up the school brooms he'd brought along while trying to make himself forget the game breaking Harry just did. "Test your throwing arm."

* * *

Back in her office, McGonagall almost felt like patting herself on the back. Not only was Harry Potter attending, but with him on the Quidditch team…

She looked eagerly at the spot on her shelf where the trophy would set, only to jump when she heard a loud rumble. "What in Merlin's beard!?" She rushed out, in time to catch Flitwick just rounding the corner himself.

"Minerva!" He cried out.

"I heard it too, Fillius! It sounded like it came from outside!"

"Are we under attack!?"

"I don't know!"

* * *

"POTTER!" Wood wailed, staring at the aftermath the first year's attempt at a goal; the left hand goal post was now lacking its top third, blown clean off by a Quaffle - or, what was left of it - that was now at the end of a hundred-yard long gully carving a path into the forest.

"I _told_ you my aim was bad! But noooo, 'Throw it like you mean it' you said!" Harry responded.

ttttttttttt

A couple of hours later, once things had settled down...and Wood finally calmed down, Harry waited with Ron and Hermione while they watched Hagrid and Dumbledore work on fixing the hoop.

"You realize it could be worse." Hermione said, after watching the redhead say a few parting words for the piece of sports equipment.

Ron simply pointed at the bisected goal post. "Name one thing!"

"It could be a contact sport."

He took a few seconds in an attempt to find a refute before admitting defeat when McGonagall and Wood came over, though the older student still looked a little shell-shocked. "Well, Mr. Potter, you've certainly made quite the...impact for your first foray into the spot. After consulting with Mr. Wood, he believes that Seeker would be the appropriate position for you. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to escort him to the infirmary for a calming draught. You may return to your classes."

* * *

"Seeker! Youngest one in a century no less!" Ron was borderline giddy at the idea as they made their way to DA class, faltering at bit at the look of disbelief Hermione gave him. "What? You got 'Hogwarts, A History', I have 'Quidditch Through The Ages'. But seriously, first years _never_ get onto the teams! I'm bloody jealous, I am!"

"You think you're so great, Scarhead." An unwelcome voice spoke up from nearby, accompanied by an audible pair of facepalms.

Harry fought the urge to roll his eyes as he looked at the blonde pest, coming up with what he must've thought was an intimidating swagger, but in reality, it seemed more like he'd shat himself. Crabbe and Goyle were behind him, looking like they'd rather be anywhere else. "First off, that's not even clever, Malfoy." Harry responded. "Second...were you _waiting_ for us?"

"Sadly, yes." Crabbe replied, earning a threatened backhand from his self-proclaimed 'boss'. As soon as Malfoy looked away, he pointed at him and mouthed 'wanker' to Ron, who had to fight a laugh.

"Shut it, pauper!" Malfoy snapped, getting a death glare in return. "You may have the rest of these idiots fooled, Potter, but I know just what you are. And I intended to prove it; I challenge to you to a-" He stopped when he saw the boy he considered his 'rival' walking off. "H-hey! How dare you walk away from a Malfoy!"

"Twenty words or less, Malfoy." He called back, Ron and Hermione rushing to catch up with him.

"I challenge you to a wizard's duel, Potter! Get back here!" Malfoy yelled, chasing after him.


	21. Chapter 21

"Honesty, Ronald!" Hermione huffed in annoyance as the two of them followed Harry out of the Gryffindor tower. "What possessed you to accept Malfoy's challenge!? And _for_ Harry, no less!"

"Because he wouldn't bloody shut up about it!" Ron grumbled. "Three days, Hermione! Three. Bloody. Days! Could barely do anything outside the dorm without hearing 'Duel me, Potter!', 'Duel me, Potter', "Weasley, you better tell Potter he owes me a duel!'". He made a strangulation gesture. "It was either that, or I was going to shove the serving spoon down his ruddy throat!"

"Ron!" She looked scandalized. "Annoying as he is, there's no need to ruin a perfectly good utensil like that!"

"To be honest, it was the ugliest-looking spoon I ever saw, Hermione." Harry threw his two cents in.

"Well, that is true, but still…" She looked back to be sure they weren't followed. While she'd never say it out loud, the castle was pretty creepy at night. Like something they didn't want to find could be wandering the halls.

That and she just really _really_ didn't wanna get caught.

"Where'd he say he wanted this duel at?" Harry asked as they reached a t-intersection.

"The trophy room at midnight." Ron replied. "Wouldn't put it past him to just be trying to get Harry in trouble, though." He quickly cut her off before she started up. "If he is there, small as that chance can be, and Harry doesn't show, then that'll do way more damage to Harry then just his reputation."

"Ok, but that leave one question." Harry looked them. "Where _is_ the trophy hall?"

"Oh it's…huh…" Ron looked down the side hall. "No wait, I think we missed the turn…" He looked back down the hall. "Hermione?"

She gave their options a one-over. "Well, it's obviously…" She trailed off, looking even more unsure than he did.

"Crap…" The three muttered in unison.

* * *

"I think this is the third time we've passed this picture." Harry said after ten minutes of trying to find their way to the trophy room."

"Fourth." Ron replied.

Hermione gave them a dubious look. "How can you even tell?"

Harry shrugged. "It's hard not to notice a face that ugly when you go past.."

"Harry!" She hissed. "That's a horrible thing to say about her! She-"

"That's a woman!?" Both boys blurted out before looking at the portrait in mild horror.

"I never…!" The woman in the picture huffed, affronted as she stormed out of her frame.

"She really should." Harry responded. "That moustache could use a serious trim."

Hermione looked ready to scold them when they heard approaching footsteps. "Someone's coming! The armor, hurry!"

All three kids rushed to duck behind a nearby suit, just in time for the grizzled caretaker, Argus Filch, to come lurching past, his cat hot on his heels.

"Could've sworn I heard something around here." He looked around, scowling. After a moment, he grunted and turned round. "Feh...got better things to do. Come on, my sweet, the Malfoy whelp claimed he heard some students planning to ruin the trophy room." He smiled nastily. "They'll wish they never even learned the word when I'm done with them."

The trio waited with baited breath as the man's footsteps slowly faded away. They waited a moment to be sure he was long gone before getting up.

"That little hobknocker!" Ron growled. "He went running to Filch!"

Hermione slapped his shoulder. "I told you! I'd be surprised if Malfoy even knew how to spell 'fair fight'."

Harry sighed. "Ah well, we better head back to the dorm before he comes back."

They started heading back, doing their best to keep from alerting Filch or a possible teacher. However, Hermione wasn't prepared for Harry to suddenly pull her aside as his other hand - covered in a light green glow - shot up towards a swarm of brown-colored, slimy-looking globs that came flying at them from a nearby open door.

"Harry...!" She and Ron almost yelled. Their alarm quickly turned to surprise and more than a little amazement at the sight of the two dozen or so globs now frozen in mid-air, covered in the same glow as his hand.

Ron's jaw nearly unhinged. "Bloody hell, mate, how're you doing that without a wand!?"

"My aunts taught me." Came the reply. "What the hell are those things? Did we just get manure thrown at us?"

"Those…they're dungbombs." Ron answered him. "They're pranks meant to explode, covering stuff and people in horrible-smelling sludge. It's easy to clean, but the stink kinda lingers."

"That's disgusting." The air suddenly turned colder as a scowl formed on Harry's face. He moved his hand a bit, putting the dungbombs into a tighter grouping before they started rocketing back the way they came…

And collided with something else that was floating just inside the room. The first couple hit with enough force that whatever they hit was pushed farther back into the room, covering it in the slimy gunk. It also had the added effect of letting them discover just what, or who, it was.

"Peeves!" Hermione pinched her nose from the smell. "You gross specter!"

Peeves however, was too busy being hit or trying to dodge the putrid projectiles to respond, crying in dismay and horror with each hit. Finally, with a wail that sounded like a screaming toddler, he flew past them out the door, the remaining dungbombs hot on his heels.

"Whew, and I thought natto stunk." Harry pinched his nose.

"Let's get *urk*...get out of here." Hermione gagged, leading them down the hall.

"Harry, how'd you even know he was there?" Ron asked. "Couldn't even see him until he was covered."

He shrugged a little. "Kinda surprised myself."

"PEEEEEVEEES! YOU WRETCHED PHANTOM!"

However, Filch's enraged scream stopped him from saying anything else. The poltergeist's irate bawling didn't help.

Ron paled. "That sounded close. Really close. Maybe we should find another place to hide."

They bolted down the hall until they hit a locked door at the end.

"Ahulamera! Alohamorey! Ahola...bloody open!" Ron panicked, hitting the door with his wand.

"It's Alohomora!" Hermione hissed, jabbing her wand at the door, causing it to open with a dull click. "Get in, get in!"

They quickly entered and shut the door. Ron gulped. "Please tell us he wasn't around when we got in here." He got an answer in the form of a loud growl.

Hermione froze. "Please say that was one of your stomachs."

Another growl.

"Huh, never seen a dog that big before."Harry spoke up, looking behind them. "Then again, I've never seen one three heads, either."

They both slowly turned to see what he was talking about. Less than ten feet away stood a massive, three-headed dog. Each head was staring at them, snarling and baring multiple sets of sharp teeth.

"Our luck can NOT possibly be this bad." Ron whimpered slightly.

The dog took a step closer, only to halt when Harry looked it in two of its eyes. Suddenly, with a trio of whimpers, the dog quickly backed up and rolled over in a show of submission.

Harry just chuckled. "Ah, you aren't so bad."

"Hermione, shouldn't we be worried that Harry just made a gigantic, three-headed dog back down?"

Hermione watched as Harry started scratching its belly, making a back leg twitch. "I'm more worried about the fact that I'm not surprised. Also, why was it standing on a trapdoor?"

Ron looked at her. "Harry! Huge dog! Belly rub! Who cares about a trapdoor, woman?"

"Who's a big softie?" Harry scratched a little faster, making the dog stretch happily.

* * *

After a few minutes, Harry stretched while the dog got back to its feet. "Well, 'fraid I can't stick around, big guy." He said over the pooch's disappointed whine. "We gotta get back to the Gryffindor dorm."

"Only question is, does anyone remember the way back?" Ron asked.

Apparently the dog understood him, because it started scratching something out on the floor while the center head let out a 'woof' to get their attention.

"What's it doing?" Ron looked over in confusion.

The dog continued to scratch out what seemed to be an image of sorts. Every so often, one of the heads disagreed with the other two about something on the image and take control of a paw to scratch out something different, which always made all three descend into an argument of growls, barks and huffs. Not to mention the occasional raspberry when one wasn't looking.

"Wait a minute." Hermione tilted her head a bit once she was able to get herself to step closer "That looks like the hall outside."

"Kinda does...and that's the left we took past the ugly lady." Harry nodded in understanding. "Ok, I think I get it. Head left outside, take the second right, then the left at the end of that hallway."

The heads barked in unison.

"Thanks!" Harry patted its shoulder before heading out, Ron and Hermione quickly following.

As they took the path laid out, Ron was the first to speak out. "You guy do realize that we're following directions that a big, _three-headed dog_ just wrote out, right?"

"Yeah?" Harry asked

"Because, how do we even know that their even right? The heads were bickering half the time and I can't believe that's the part I'm most concerned about."


	22. Chapter 22

Draco Malfoy was not a happy monkey at the moment. First, his attempt to get Potter in trouble for being out after curfew last night not only failed, but if anyone - especially his parents - learned that he'd challenged another student, only to set a trap, his reputation would be ruined. Then, when he tried to get some measure of victory by accusing the halfblood of not showing, all he got in response was:

"Well, I sure as hell didn't see _YOU_ there."

Then that damn Weasley made a comment about how they'd overheard Filch talking about a certain someone who told him about an attempt on the trophy room, causing the students in earshot to look at him with suspicion. Him, heir to the house of Malfoy! How DARE they!

He was quickly brought of his funk by the flapping of dozens of wings as owls arrived with mail. However, one small group of owls carrying an oddly-shaped package straight towards Potter had a sneer forming on his face once again. Anyone could tell what it was.

Crabbe sighed when he saw the blonde ponce attempt to stride towards the Gryffindor table, though it was more mincing. "He's at it again."

"Should we even try?" Goyle asked, watching Malfoy deliberately wait until the wrapped broom was in Potter's hands

*SMACK!*

"OWW!"

The two looked at each other. "Nahhh."

By then, Flitwick had volunteered to go see what Malfoy was crying out about that time. "Boys?"

"Potter hit me again!" Malfoy whined, shaking his throbbing hand.

"Then quit trying to snatch stuff and I'll stop." Harry replied, setting the package down and going back to his waffles.

"And he has a broom! First years aren't-!"

"Ah, yes. Professor McGonagall told me about the special circumstances." Flitwick cut him off, looking intrigued at the package, almost hoping Harry would go ahead and unwrap it. However, the boy was far more interested in his breakfast. "I do hope it's a good one. Now, back to your table, Mr. Malfoy."

Malfoy looked like he wanted to chew the pint-sized professor out, but even he knew he'd get his backside handed to him if he tried. So, he simply turned on his heel and skulked back to Crabbe and Goyle.

"He's never going to learn, is he?" Goyle asked.

"Without a bludger to hammer it in?" Crabbe replied. "Not bloody likely."

"What was that, Crabbe!?" Draco snapped.

"Nothing."

It didn't take long before word of Harry's new broom, as well as his being on the team, was common knowledge in the entire house and even a few from the other houses. Unfortunately, that also introduced the fact that people could be rather pushy; more than a few constantly asked him about it on his way back to the dorm.

Some even looked offended that he hadn't unwrapped it yet, insisting they be allowed to see what kind of broom it was. They were also the ones who also got their hands smacked when they tried to take it to unwrap themselves.

"If you can't wait until I get to the dorm, then you don't deserve to see it." Harry said after he had to pop both Fred and George's hands when they got over-eager and tried to distract him so they could get some of the paper off the handle.

"Aw, come on,Harrykins." Fred weedled.

"Just a little peek?" George added. They'd considered just taking it like the others, figuring an 'ikle firstie' wouldn't be strong enough to stop them, but quickly reconsidered after one of the seventh years got rather obnoxious about it...and got flipped arse over tea kettle when he decided to try casting a spell to remove the paper.

"You can wait and see like everyone else." Harry replied, ignoring them until they got to the dorm. There he took a seat and calmly unwrapped it, giving a second year a look when they yelled for him to hurry up.

"Bloody hell-ow!" Ron yelped when he saw the words 'Nimbus 2000' in gold lettering on the handle, before glaring at the twin girls who once again jabbed him.

"So...I guess this is a good broom?" Harry asked, earning more than a few acting like he'd just slapped a baby.

"'Good'? Harry, this is one of, if not THE best broom on the market!" Ron spoke up over Wood's squealing over how they were going to finally win.

"If you say so." Harry replied while Hermione handed him a note from McGonagall she'd found in the wrapping paper, telling him he was to start practice that night at Seven.' _Kinda late for sports practice.'_ He thought. ' _Hope it's fun at least.'_

While he was curious about what the training would entail, he managed to put it out of his head until it was time for him to head out to the Quidditch pitch. Ron was excited enough for them both, while Hermione added her help by reciting a plethora of rules; like how there was over seven hundred different ways you could foul in the game, like trying to knock bludgers at the spectators, or turning an opposing team member into a polecat. And, how the fourteen-seventy-three World Cup finals saw all of them.

Wood was already waiting for him when he arrived on the pitch. "All right, Potter, let's get started. You've already shown that Seeker's probably the best spot for you. So, since it's too late to really do much with the Snitch, we'll work with these." He held up the bag of golf balls he'd brought along. "Now, hop up on that broom and let's see what you can really do."

A couple of minutes later, and Wood was doing his best to wrap his head around what he saw. Potter didn't have his wand, so he couldn't have been using magic. Yet, he was pulling every ball towards him while he hadn't moved an inch. "Um, Potter. That's not really how you're supposed to catch them."

"There's a rule against telekinesis? That's not magic, as near as I can tell."

"I..I guess not, but it kinda takes some of the fun out of it, don't you think?"

Between his homework, quidditch practice three nights a week, and the occasional jaunt to go spend time with the cerberus, Harry was rather surprised to learn he'd been at the castle for two months now, and Halloween had arrived.

He'd still been able to get letters out to Saitama and the others, though things had been rather boring apparently. Only a couple demon level kaijuu in the last couple of months and they both went down fairly quickly. However, they were all bummed that he was gonna miss the Shibuya Halloween party this year, but they promised they'd pick up some extra munchies for him.

When Charms class rolled around that day, more than a few students were excited when Flitwick told them he felt they were ready to work on levitation, especially after they watched him make Neville's toad Trevor fly around the room. He put them in pairs and gave each pair a feather to work with. ' _But I can already make stuff fly around.'_ Harry thought, but shrugged and went along with it.

"Now remember, swish and flick." Flitwick said. "And make sure to emphasize on the proper pronunciation as well. I doubt I need to remind you all of what happened to Wizard Baruffio."

He found himself paired with Seamus Finnigan, while Ron and Hermione were teamed up. He tried the swish and flick, but nothing happened, and he was getting annoyed again.'What is wrong with this thing!?"

The others weren't having much luck either. "Ron, calm down!" Hermione said when he started flailing his wand at it. "You're going to put an eye out! Plus you're focusing on the wrong syllable, it's 'levi-O-sa'."

"That's what I've _been_ saying!"

"Oh?" She pointed her wand at the feather. "Wingardium Leviosa!" With that the feather began to float up off the table, much to Flitwick's delight.

Ron glared at it like it'd just slapped his mother. "That ruddy feather's just picky, that's what it is!"

Hermione started to respond, until Harry's voice hit them with one word.

"Fly!"

"Mr. Potter, I'm afraid that's-" He stopped as the air was filled with a sudden whistle, accompanied a light tickle past his cheek and multiple cracks of stone being pierced. He lifted a hand slowly to his cheek, only to feel it now clean-shaven.

Looking behind him showed nearly every feather, along with what appeared to be a couple of quills, someone's bookmark, and a hairclip, embedded in the wall behind him. He could also see the tuft of hair that used to be on his face was there too.

"Crap, not again!" Harry grumbled, shaking his wand. "What is wrong with this stupid thing!"

"C-class will res-resume." The tiny professor said shakingly. "Right after I put on new pants…"

"Sheesh, Potter doesn't seem to cast anything halfway."

"Tell me about it. I still remember what he did in our first Charms class. Even managed to pop the clip on my watch!"

Hermione looked back at the students talking before catching up with the boys. "Harry, I know about the saying 'there's no kill like overkill', but don't you think you're taking it a bit TOO seriously? You nearly pinned our professor to the wall!"

"I said I was sorry when he got back." He replied, glaring at his wand. "Starting to think that guy sold me a defective wand."

"Don't let Ollivander hear you say that!" Ron glanced about. "He doesn't react well to anyone speaking ill of his pieces. Still she's got a point, mate. Maybe you just need to let up on being..well, forceful with the casting?"

"Maybe, but if it doesn't work, I'm taking it back for a tune-up."

"What's a 'tune-up'?" Neville asked, having overheard.

Thankfully for Hermione and her nerves, she was more than willing to explain.

The remainder of the day was fairly quiet, at least until that night while they gathering to enjoy the Halloween feast. Hundreds of live bats fluttered around, zipping in between the floating jack-o-lanterns and over the tables like dark, squeaking clouds.

The food appeared on the platters and trays as soon as everyone was seated. Before Harry could start on a piece of chicken, the hall doors were suddenly shoved open and Quirrell came running in like Puri Puri Prisoner was after him, screaming "TROLL! IN THE DUNGEON!" He came to a stop in the middle of the room, saying, "Thought you'd like to know." before falling in a heap on the floor.

Silence reigned for about four seconds, then the screaming of hundreds of panicking students filled the air until Dumbledore used his wand to let out a massive noisemaker to get their attention. "Prefects, lead your Houses back to the immediately!" He ordered. Something they did without a second thought.

"What's a troll?" Harry asked while Percy was ordering the Gryffindor students to follow him. "That like an oni?"

Within seconds, Hermione responded with an almost textbook description of them; their height, weight, strengths, dietary habits, and even what they did for fun.

"Ok, so they're big, aggressive, dumb, and usually takes a couple of decently skilled wizards to take one, right?"

"In a nutshell." She replied.

He nodded. "So a Tiger threat level, then. Wanna go find it?"

"When you put it-WHAT!?" Ron yelped. By then, Harry was already weaving through the still terrified throng. "Oh, bloody hell!"

"Harry! Are-are you insane!?" Hermione snapped once they caught up to him. Somehow, none of the teachers or prefects spotted them on the way out, or when they split away from the rest of the students. "Trolls are _dangerous_!"

"But they' only Tiger level, since you said it's dangerous to a group of people." He said, walking down the hall with a calmness that freaked them out even more than the idea of finding the thing.

"And what the heck's 'tiger' level, anyway!?" Ron cut in.

"It's the ranks the Hero Association back home gives kaijuu. Basically, it tells them how big an area is in danger." Harry ticked of the levels. "If it's a potential threat, or a threat to an unknown degree, it's Wolf level. Tiger means a threat to a large group, like a city block or neighborhood. Demon is a citywide threat, Dragon is multi-city, and God threat lvl means all of humanity is in danger."

Ron gulped. "B-blimey…"

"Yeah, those top three can be nasty, and I'm not allowed to fight demon level or higher without Uncle Saitama or the others around."

"Wait, so they just let you fight monsters on your own?" Hermione was severely tempted to get her hearing checked.

"Well, they're pretty easy to gauge the damage they can do. I mean, do trolls have any special powers? Like fire breathing, super speed, invisibility, fire lasers from their nipples?"

Ron simply shook his head. "Aside from being really magic resistant, big, and violent, no."

"There you go."

They rounded another corner when Hermione called for a time out. "I need to use the loo." She said, rushing to the nearest restroom.

"Ok. Just hurry up." Harry said. "Ron, what's a troll look like?"

"Don't know exactly, just that they're as big as Hagrid, really dumb, and smell...ugh" He sniffed and gagged a little. "Like a backed-up loo that hasn't been cleaned in years...oh, Merlin. Harry, did you just fart!?"

"I thought that was you!" Harry pinched his nose. "Damn. That's nasty!"

Before either could accuse the other any further, a scream ripped from the bathroom. "Hermione!"

"Knew I shouldn't have drank so much pumpkin juice at lunch!" Hermione muttered to herself a couple of minutes earlier. She was tempted to breathe a sigh of relief afterwards, but the place smelled like one of the toilets hadn't been flushed in who knows how long. It was vile! She hoped she could hold her breath long enough to wash up and get out.

Turning to reach a sink, she stopped dead when she discovered just what was causing the smell. Less than fifteen feet away stood a massive mountain troll, drinking from a toilet bowl it'd pulled out of the floor.

Despite its tiny, potato-like head looking absolutely ridiculous on top of the hulking, leathery, and utterly filthy-looking grey body, it was still a terrifying sight. She slowly edged towards the door, hoping to keep from alerting it to her presence, as well as wondering how in the hell that thing didn't hear her come in. ' _Maybe it was too busy pulling up the toilet...and why am I thinking about that!? I have to get out of…'_ She stopped when it grunted loudly and turned around. The moment it saw her, it hoisted up the large club it had and started towards her. In response, she did the first thing that came to mind.

She screamed.

"Hermione!" Both boys called out before the door was knocked open.

"Wow...you weren't kidding." Harry waved a hand in front of his face as, despite they calls for him to get back, he walked up the troll. "Oi! Stinky!"

If the look on its face was any indication, it seemed to catch what he said, and regardless of hygiene, took considerable offense. "Gruh!" It yelled, swinging it's club down on him.

"HARRY!" Hermione screamed.

* **SMASH!***

Bits of broken wood scattered about the room, forcing both Ron and Hermione shielded their faces from the shower of debris. And the troll grunted in surprise and confusion as it started at what remained of its weapon, trying to figure out what happened to the rest of it.

Harry, meanwhile, dusted off his sleeve where he'd intercepted it. "My clothes get dirty enough on a daily basis, thank you." He said, drawing his other hand back.

In a fist.

* _ **ONE PUUUUUNNNNCHHHHH!***_

Ron wasn't sure what'd happened during his last blink, or exactly who was screaming that, but what he saw would stay with him for a very long time. Somehow, Harry Potter was now at the end a punching motion, while the troll, on the other hand, had its huge belly quickly deforming into what what he could best describe as a large fist indentation...for about a second and a half. Then it cried out, the intent shifting to a crater.

"Did anyone else hear that!?" Professor Sprout ask, looking around.

"I believe it's an aspect of Muggle music called a 'Metal Scream'." Flitwick replied. "One of my cousins in the States mentioned it."

"That's all well and good, but-" McGonagall started, before the loud smash of stone above them , along with the rapidly fading scream of what was definitely a troll. "Upstairs, quickly!"

"Well, that's anticlimactic..." Harry didn't even bother acknowledging the gaping hole in the thick stone where the troll made it's violently rapid exit from the castle.

"Anti...HARRY! Of all the…! That was the most insane…!" Hermione sputtered. "What if that had been a load-bearing wall!?"

"A restroom seems like a dumb place to put one." He said, as the teachers finally arrived on the scene. At the sight of the hole, Dumbledore blurted out something involving mermaids, farmyard animals, and fruit salad.

Even Snape blushed a little at that.

"HEADMASTER!" McGonagall looked at him, appalled and slightly nauseous. " The students!"

"Eh, that's about a Four." Harry gave a 'so-so' gesture. "Creative, but I've heard worse when people see what I can do."

"Professor?" Ron spoke up. "I-I don't think it's legal to do that to a chicken or pears in Britain…Muggle or Magical."


	23. Chapter 23

"Hagrid, we need to talk." Harry said, finally managing to catch the huge man inn between classes, homework, and practice.

Behind him, Ron and Hermione just shrugged. "We're just curious." Ron said.

"Oh, Harry, something wrong?" Hagrid asked, carrying a bunch of turnips.

"That big three headed dog in the castle, you know anything about it?"

"How'd you find about Fluffy?" Hagrid blurted out, pausing for a moment as he realized what he'd just said. "I probably shouldn't have said that."

"Fluffy!?" Ron blurted out. "You named that thing ' _Fluffy_ '!?"

"What? He's harmless."

"Hargrid, is Fluffy yours?" Harry asked, while Ron protested the very notion.

"Of course he is. Got him as a puppy from an Italian bloke."

"Ok...then why do you have him cooped up in that room!? That room's barely big enough for him to walk around in, and the back corners are disgusting! Seriously, do you even take him out for walks? Or the very least, go and spend time with him!?"

Hagrid looked to be at a loss for the telling off he'd just gotten, by an eleven-year-old, no less."But...but's he's a Cerberus; he's supposed to stay in order to guard the trapdoor there...and I did it again, didn't I?"

"Hagrid, we already know about the trapdoor. The question is, why is... _Fluffy_ guarding it?" Hermione semi-demanded.

"Now that's nothin for you to concern yourselves about. What's down there is just between Dumbledore and Mr. Flamel." Hagrid whined. "Not again."

Ron's brow furrowed. "Wait...you don't mean Nicolas Flamel, do you?" At Harry's 'who?', he continued. "It's on one of my chocolate frog cards about Dumbledore, he and Flamel worked on alchemy."

"Ronald, how do you remember _that_ and not how to pronounce the unlocking charm!?" Hermione blurted out in annoyance.

"It's not that hard after the first eight or nine cards."

"Alchemy…let me guess, that's where the Philosopher's Stone is at now, isn't it?" Harry asked.

Hagrid just looked around anxiously. "I gotta learn to keep a secret better…"

"Ok, that's not the important thing right now." Activating his telekinetics, Harry floated up until he was looking Hagrid right in the eye. "Have you or have you not, at the very least, been spending some time with Fluffy?"

"Uh...D-Dumbledore said to keep clear of the room…so no one'd get suspicious"

"That's all well and good, but keeping him cooped up alone like that is flat out animal cruelty!"

"But...I.." Hagrid found himself faltering under a pair of less than approving green eyes.

"'But' nothing!" Harry pointed to the castle. He never raised his voice, but the tone he used managed to unnerve the man. "I strongly suggest, if you have no pressing matters at the moment, that you get up there and show _YOUR_ dog some attention; because if you can't even take time out of your day to that much, then you don't deserve a pet at all. Get going!"

"Now, Harry…" He tried to take control of the situation, but it fell flat.

"I. Said. Get. Going. NOW."

"Yessir!" Hagrid yelped, running to the castle as fast as he could.

"Ron?" Hermione asked in a rather tiny voice.

The ginger's eyes never left where Hagrid had been standing. "Y-yeah?"

"Remind me to never make Harry made at me like that."

"Only if you remind me, too."

* * *

Before long, the day of the Quidditch match had arrived. Personally, Harry didn't really get what the deal was. "It's just an in-school game. But, everyone's acting like it's the Fifa Cup or something." He muttered between his sausage and eggs

True enough, in the last few days, he'd had to put up with stuff ranging from people assuming he'd be amazing because his dad was, to less-than subtly saying he'd better get the snitch, to 'suggesting' he stay off the pitch. Then again that last one was from Flint, the Slytherin team captain, along with a couple of his teammate.

He found the whole thing eye-rolling, in all honesty. And why the hell did half the students in earshot act like he'd kicked their grandmas when he said it was just a game?

"Quidditch is a big deal in the wizarding world, Harry." Hermione answered him. "I've heard some even act like soccer hooligans."

By Eleven that morning, the entire school seemed to have gathered at the Quidditch field. As Harry stepped out into the daylight (after learning Wood might be the most obsessed of the bunch), he noticed a banner Ron and Hermione were holding up, complete with changing colors, that read 'Potter for President'. He couldn't help grinning; 'president' was a little overkill, but he appreciated the gesture.

"All right! I want to see a good clean game from all of you!" Hooch spoke up, her gaze lingering a bit longer on the Slytherins. "Mount up." As soon as they were ready, she blew her whistle and fifteen brooms took to the air.

"And Angelina Johnson takes the Quaffle!" Jordan called out from his spot at the announcer seat. "She passes to Alicia Spinnet - back to Johnson - no, Flint snags the Quaffle!"

Meanwhile, Harry was up above, looking around for the snitch. Wood was adamant he keep out of the melee until he spied it. "No sense getting attacked before then." The older student advised. It made sense, but it was kinda boring too. He watched as one of the chasers made a goal and spied Fred Weasley flying up to him, along with the Bludger he was chasing.

"Heads up, Har-!"

*WHAP!*

He paused instantly as he watched Harry give the iron ball a swat, sending it rocketing back down to the pitch. "Uh...nevermind." He quickly resumed the chase. ' _Hope that doesn't hit anyone I like'._

* * *

The Slytherin Keeper sneered at the sight of Gryffindor keepers passing around the Quaffle. He couldn't wait to knock it back in their faces. Now if only Flint would hurry up and start smacking them around-

*CREEUNCH!*

He flinched at the sudden noise right above him, along with the bits of wood falling past. His neck craned a little as he slowly looked up to see what'd made it...and nearly lost his grip on his broom at the sight of a squirming Bludger jammed in the hoop. He'd heard that Dumbledore and Flitwick had spent a week reinforcing the entire stadium due to 'safety concerns', or whatever, but right now, he had an inkling of why.

And as one of the Weasleys came and, after a good swear, started trying to knock it loose, he redirected much of his attention to the attempt at ignoring the warm trickle that was venturing down his pant leg.

* * *

After a few minutes of hovering around, Harry was starting to get bored when he finally saw it, a flash of gold that zipped by one of the Slytherin Chasers startling him into dropping the Quaffle. "Finally." He took off after it.

"Wait, has...he has! Potter's seen the Snitch! Holy cow, he's coming in like a bat outta hell!"

"Mr. Jordan!" McGonagall, who'd been sitting beside him, reprimanded him.

"Gotta admit, it's pretty accurate, Professor! Looks like Terence Higgs, the Slytherin Seeker, has spotted it as well, and he's in pursuit of Potter. But Potter's pulling ahead!"

"Excuse me!" Harry called out, seeing one of the other players fly into his path, colliding with him. Luckily for them, it was just a glancing blow.

"Flint tries to block Potter and - fails,spectacularly...Potter's going like he wasn't even there and...why's Flint spinning like a top all of a...wow"

McGonagall began looking a little green. "Oh my…"

Jordan looked at her. "You ok, Professor? Well, at least the others are keeping clear...that's rather impressive, actually. It's like a sprinkler." He tilted his head a little. "Um, should we call a time-out so Flint and the field can get cleaned - wait, what's wrong with Potter's broom?"

"Hey, knock it off!" Harry told his broom when it suddenly began to buck wildly, like it was trying to knock him off. That just seem to make it worse, because it then started to jerk back and forth. "I said QUIT IT!" He punctuated this by giving the handle a hard slap. Not enough to damage, but it did do a violent twitch before finally settling down. "That's better."

* * *

 **Stands: Five Minutes ago.**

"I hope he's going to be ok." Hermione said as the teams took off, more to herself than anything.

"Hermione, he punched a troll." Ron replied as Hagrid made his way to a seat by them. "I doubt a thickheaded git like Flint and his buddies will fare much better." He turned to the large man. "Hey, Hagrid. You been checking on F-Fluffy ( _still can't believe you named a CERBERUS that)_ like Harry told you?"

"Yeah, and...now I feel kinda guilty about ignoring him like that. Thinking about asking Dumbledore if there's a way to take him for walks in secret." He turned his attention the game. "That and he does need a bath, that room's got a bit of a pong to it."

"Well,that's good to hear." Hermione winced when the bludger slammed into the goal hoop. "Not again, Harry."

"Think the keeper pissed himself." Ron added.

Dean pointed up at where Harry started diving. "Hey, what's Flint trying to - whoa. Ron, that ever happen in a Quidditch game?"

Hermione covered her face. "Ew! That's disgusting!"

"Actually kind of elegant…in a revolting kind of way." Neville added.

Seamus just squinted. "Not sure what impresses me more, the sheer volume, or that he's able to hold on while doing that"

"Still, ew!" Hermione said. "Wait...what's with Harry's broom!?"

They watched as the Nimbus jostled around wildly, like it wanted Harry off, then and now.

"That's not good, takes some strong dark magic to affect a broom like that!" Hagrid stood up in concern, along with most of the people in the stands.

Hermione quickly grabbed Ron's binoculars and started scanning for a possible source before she spied Snape, sitting stiffy and mouthing something to himself. His eyes never left Harry. "Look!" She pointed. "Snape's muttering some kind of incantation!"

Ron snarled. "That cheating twat! It's bad enough he takes points off for 'breathing too loud'!"

"First off, language!" Hermione replied.

"English!"

Hermione stared at him for a second until she sighed and shook her head. "And second, not if I have anything to say about it!"

"What are you going to do?" Seamus asked

Her response was nearly a growl. "Gonna set those arse-ugly robes on fire!" Before she could make her way to her target, a scream from Quirrel, slightly drowned out by cheers and shouts but still loud enough for them to hear, made them look over again.

"BRAIN CRAMP!" Quirrel shrieked, folding up into a heap, like every muscle in his body tried to flex at the same time.

They, along with a fair number of the people around him, looked in shock.

Ron tapped her shoulder. "Um, Harry's broom just stopped when Quirrel yelled." They looked at each other. "Quirrell cursing his broom?"

"That's...a fair assumption."

As Harry resumed looking for the Snitch, things started to settle back down. Then Ron spoke up again. "Can you still set Snape's robe on fire?"

"Ron, he may be hateful man who we thought was cheating, but he's a teacher."

"Doesn't stop him from being a git."

"Ron! We should still show him the proper respect as our teacher, even if that's true."

Ron sighed in annoyance. "Fine. Then can you _respectfully_ set his robes on fire?"

"How would I even do that?"

"I don't know! A flame illusion that doesn't actually burn anything?

"...huh, well, I could do that."

"BLOODY HELL! Potter's leaping off his broom" Jordan's yell broke them out of their conversation.

True enough, Harry had decided the broom was taking too long, so he whirled around to aim himself at the Snitch and leaped off. Katie Bell, the third Chaser on the team, and the one nearest the flittering ball, could've sworn she heard a shrill 'oh bollocks!' when Harry shot by and slammed feet-first into the ground, leaving a small crater from the impact.

"Oliver, I got it." Harry held up his hand, the Snitch in his grip. "Does this mean we win?"

"He got it! We won!" Dean yelled, seeing Neville had passed out after Harry's broom had acted up. "Someone wake Neville up!"


	24. Chapter 24

"Wow...and I thought it snowed bad back home." Harry commented, looking out the window at the blanket of white over everything. The lake was frozen over, and the cold even managed to seep into the castle.

"Yeah, don't think I'll be going outside soon." Ron shivered a bit at the blowing snow.

"It must be disheartening, knowing that _some_ of us have families to go home to this holiday." Ron and Harry sighed as Malfoy sauntered up.

"Congratulations, Malfoy, you learn a new word, you want a cookie?" Ron snapped. "Harry, does he have a crush on you or something? He keeps running over to insult you every chance he gets."

"My parents taught me not to judge, but there IS a thing called 'standards'." Hermione chipped in. "We both know Harry could do much better, Ron."

"Wha...no I do not!" Malfoy shrieked.

"Could've fooled us." Goyle muttered, ignoring the glare he got.

"Actually I'm gonna be commuting the next few days." Harry replied. "Only takes me a couple hours to fly from here to Japan."

"Don't be stupid, Potter! There's no broom that can do that!" Malfoy scoffed, thinking he'd finally got one on the scarhead.

Harry just looked at him. "Why would I need a broom? Flew here fine without one."

Malfoy paused. "W-what?"

"He said he could fly fine without a broom, Draco. Use your ears!" Crabbe spoke up, keeping a straight face almost effortlessly.

Goyle nudged him. "Really think he can?"

"After that Bludger and Flint the chundering ballerina, I don't really doubt much anymore."

"Be quiet, both of you!" Malfoy order, missing the rude gestures they made at him. "You just watch yourself, Potter. I know all these freakish stunts you've been pulling are just that; stunts! I'll figure out how you're doing it and when-!" He never got to finish; Harry pinched his lips closed after word number twenty-seven.

"Over twenty words?" Ron asked.

"Yep. He really likes hearing his own voice." Harry replied while the blonde tried to pull his yap free. "Anyone got a stapler?"

"What's a stapler?" Crabbe, Goyle, and Ron asked at the same time.

As if on cue, Hermione pull one out of her bag. "It comes in handy for keeping notes together." She smiled evilly at Malfoy. "I've been looking for an excuse to use this on you!"

Malfoy might not have known what it was, but even he could tell the look he was getting meant this was not going to be enjoyable for him. Thankfully, he'd been let go while Potter moved for her. He took off without a second thought. "You'll pay for this, Potter!" He howled as he ran away.

"How are you two friends with him!?" Ron asked Crabbe while they watched.

Crabbe sighed ruefully and shook his head. "We've asked ourselves that same question more than once." He looked at Hermione. "If you ever do use that on Draco...can we watch?"

* * *

The next couple of days went by relatively smoothly. Harry caught Hagrid coming in with a massive Christmas tree, and after a quick interrogation, was assured that he was spending time with his dog.

Hermione'd already told them she would be heading home over Christmas break, so when she headed out, that more of less left them, Seamus, Neville and Ron's brothers. Since they had more free time than they had a use for, Ron decided he'd show Harry to play chess, wizard style. Seamus lent Harry his set, but they were proving to be...less that cooperative.

The damn things were sentient, and kept trying to backseat game. He was ready to fling after the ninth time it attempted to order him to move another piece first. When the little bastard decided to walk back to this starting place and thought it could glare him into following its orders, he did just that. Unfortunately, that end up becoming a forfeit since it was the king piece, and it ricocheted into the fireplace. On the plus side, it did make the other pieces listen to him.

Soon the day rolled around and Harry was woken up to Hedwig nudging him. "Huh? Oh, hey, Hed. Letter from Uncle Saitama and the others?"

She barked in the affirmative, holding her leg out.

"Harry! Wake up, it's - oh, you are up." Ron looked at Hedwig, attempting to say something, succeeding after a few tries. "H-how'd your owl get in here?"

"Dunno, figured that was something all the magical owls did." Harry removed the letter she had. "Cool, there's an extra twenty-five thousand yen here."

"Yen?"

"Money back in Japan. Uncle Saitama decided it'd be less stressful to just give me money for christmas so I could buy what I wanted. Huh, they took out a dragon-level kaijuu named Bakuzan last month at a martial art contest. Must've been a pretty good bounty on it if they could cut me a chunk like this."

"Oh." Ron was a bit preoccupied with keeping his eyes on Hedwig.

"And she scared the crap out of Mumen Rider and Lightning Max when she showed up while they were getting this letter ready." He chuckled and scratched her head, getting an affectionate nip in return. "Uncle Genos still hasn't figured how she manages to pop up like that."

"Uh, well, come on, looks like there's a couple packages here with your name on it." Ron kept her in his field of view while backing out from the curtains.

Harry joined him a couple minutes later and was greeted to a few wrapped packs, his name written clearly on them. He picked up on that was slightly lumpy. Unwrapping it revealed a knitted sweater and a box of fudge. "Huh, where's this from?"

"Ohhh…" Rom grimaced slightly. "Sorry, Harry; I mentioned you in my last later to Mum, and...I think she assumed you weren't getting anything." He facepalmed. "She means well, but she can be a little…" He trailed of while thinking of a decent term to describe his mom.

Harry checked the sweater. It was a bright emerald green and actually looked kind of comfortable. He pulled off the t-shirt he slept in and pulled it on to see if it fit.

Ron shook his head at the sight. "Still say a stomach like that isn't normal at our age."

"Huh, sleeves are a little long, but all in all not a bad fit." He looked it over appraisingly before checking the one that showed to be from Hermione that was a batch of Japanese snacks she'd found from a shop in London. "Sweet!"

The last package, though, felt way lighter than it looked. "No way…!" Ron's voice was almost a whisper when a silvery material fell from the package when it was opened. "I heard of those; but never thought I'd see one!"

"What is it?" Harry ran his hand over it. It felt like water made into fabric. Whatever it was, it looked expensive as hell.

"An invisibility cloak! Their really rare, and even more valuable! It's gotta be one, put it on and let's see!"

He threw it on over his shoulders and watch everything from his neck down vanish. He was still there, just...not, sorta. "Whoa. Aunt Tempest and Fubuki are gonna flip when I show them this!"

"Hey, there's a note with it." Ron scooped up the small piece of parchment that had floated out and handed it to him.

It was in a narrow, loopy writing he didn't recognize, but could still make out: 'Your father lent this to me before he died. It's past time you got it back. May it serve you well. A Very Merry Christmas to you.'

There was no signature on it, which made the whole thing odder. "Does it say who sent it?"

"No, just that it was my dad's." Harry stuck his hand out from under the cloak, watching it float in midair. "Well, things just got a little odd in this school."

"They're getting odd ' _NOW'_!?"


End file.
